An ex-gf as your best friend?

[Snow White]

I know this is the Ask Male thread and I think the guys have had an excellent input. As a woman, I just wouldn't put up with this BS. He says she is his "best friend"? Shouldn't you be his best friend? Seriously, there is a lot more going on in their relationship than he wants you to believe. They have keys to each others apartments for an emergency? What kind of emergency? You have asked him to choose and he won't? If you were friends with your ex and your love was really uncomfortable with it, what would you do? Plus, this isn't just a casual, lightheartedness relationship. I had a child with my ex and we are not that friendly!

I do not think you are being unreasonable with the way you are feeling or the things you are asking of him. It doesn't matter how long he has known her. They are no longer together and his first priority should be you. Nothing else makes sense.

[jillyyy]

Thank you all for your great input and opinions!

This is exactly how i feel, he's just selfish and wants to have everything and wouldn't like to give up any.

But i was confused because he made me think I'm being over-reacted, narrow-minded, want him to delete all his past, and not being reasonable to ask him to choose between his best friend (his EX) and me. But i just simply want to live happily with him without suffering from these, these EX (or he called her "best friend) things.

I am trying to review myself if this is my problem for being like this? That's why i need your opinions.

He keeps emphasizing that they've been together for 10+ years and knowing each other for 17+ years, and he will continue to be the best friend with her (regardless how I am suffered from this).

He asked why he can't have "2 best friends at the same time" (me and his EX) when i asked him "shouldn't your GF be your best friend?" like all you suggest, and this is how he answered... I could only smile bitterly.

[freddd]

I feel very, very sorry for you.

Your BF is a selfish man, he only cares about his own happiness with another woman (or "friend" he called), despite how you are painful.

It seems you are the only one who's trying to save your relationship, your BF takes you for granted and doesn't cherish your love.

I have few very good female friends I know since I was a kid (and yes, I had relationship with 2 of them), but they are never as important as my LOVE. And I will choose my LOVE without any hesitation instead of them even I know them for more than 20 years.

Of course my good female friends know and respect my priority is my LOVE, they will totally understand and being supportive if I want to spend more time with my LOVE or leave earlier for my LOVE.

His EX being mad is extremely odd, she thinks she's still important person to him and want to control him. This is definitely NOT "friendship". I guess they also talk about your bad behind you when they are together, that's maybe why his EX thinks you are not worth than her for him to spend more time, i.e, she thinks your BF doesn't really love you, and she should be the priority.

It's very sad, I hope and I believe you will find another better man, most men are not like this and you deserve a better man.

[GregoirePC]

I am being friends with all my EXes, but and I see few of them as very good friends, but I will NEVER say they are my "Best friend" even I know them for decades, and I have best friends and my GF is always the only female best friend to me.

Friends are very important, we don't have to choose friends between love, but if we really have to, of course the love is chosen for no doutes.

Exchanging keys with other woman is not acceptable, I will be extremely upset if my GF does that.

Being friends with EX is okay, but you need to have the boundary, occasionally text or even have lunch once a while in a year is okay, staying in contact frequently? It's purely emotionally dependence on the past relationship, and not mentally healthy. Especially when it jeopardizes your current relationship, you need to cut it clear if you cherish this relationship. That's what a man needs to do for the woman he loves.

[mark_goal]

Leave this man, he is either stupid or very immature.

He broke up with his ex for some reason no matter what the reason is, it just didn't work out for them. Now he's losing you for a woman he tried before but didn't work out? He's losing the opportunity for having the real ONE in his life.

Not clever and immature, for a man who's still emotionally depending on other woman (friend or EX) instead of his partner, is not ready for a relationship.