High School sweetheart is back - what do I do ?!

[BillyGalbreath]

Ok - well I just got back from my lunch hour with her. I wanted to tell her that, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I did, however, control myself. I didn't kiss her once. Or even act like I was going to kiss her. When she left we hugged and I could tell she wanted to kiss, but I payed no attention to it. She didn't like move in 'for the move' or anything. Its just something in her eye. I have always been able to read ppl like that. But I didn't kiss her. I told her I will talk to her tomorrow since she works tonight.

I seriously dont know what to do anymore. I want to cut contact, but at the same time I dont. I am leaning more towards not to cut contact. I really like her. A lot. And even if I cant be with her, I want her to be my friend. It may just take time for me to adjust and 'get used' to not being able to kiss her or anything, and I will have to talk with her about that. I will be able to control myself if I really want to. I know this for sure.

Go ahead. Get mad at me for sayin this stuff. But I have thought about it and I think this is really what I want to do.

I can support her in her relationship. And the first step to this is to stop kissing her. Then I have to get her to not want to kiss me. Or whatever. Idk. I will play it by ear as I go.

Maybe I **** everything up. Maybe I wont. You never know until you try, right ? Well, this will be the first risk I am gonna take in a long time. I am due for risk taking. Who knows, I might end up on top.

So this thread is kinda dead now for advice. I am gonna do my own thing. I will keep posting updates to this situation as needed. You all may say your little imput or yell at me or whatever - I will definately take it all in mind.

So yeah. end.

[WindyCityLane]

I've been following this and biting my tongue but just now thought, why am I here then?

Alexi is right, you need to stay away from her. You can't control yourself for two reasons. Whether or not you realize it, you are using the pretense of your friendship to revisit the compromising position you have put yourself in repreatedly with this girl since her return because you want to be with her in that way. You've been single for a few months and you miss that spark of a new relationship (or in your case, the revival of a prev. relationship).

I'm not saying she might not be the girl of your dreams and you're never going to live happily ever after with her. Despite her having a fiance while all of this is going on, you said this behavior isn't typical of her and maybe this experience will be a revelation for her but you guys aren't taking time to explore that possibility. I have never been the one to take someone else's man but my husband did sweep me off my feet while I was still married to my ex. That relationship should have been long over but I was still there just to not be divorced-we had seperated so many times and I knew we were never going to be right for each other and things had deteriorated beyond repair. I don't think what happened was right and my ex reminds me that I was still married to him (despite being seperated and awaiting divorce) when my husband started pursuing me but it was a similar situation to yours.

I had the biggest crush on my C34 (my husband) when we were in high school. We didn't go to school together but my cousin dated his BF so I saw him at gatherings and parties but he wasn't really interested in me. When he got to know me and decided he was interested, it was too late. I already had just started seeing someone. We went on one date and that night I told him I was already involved with someone. Well, years later we ran into each other and he wanted to keep in touch but I was in a relationship (not yet married) with Hubby 1. We hung out a couple of times but when he made a move I told him I was too involved already and had no reason to leave my relationship so I couldn't fool around with him and we should stop hanging out with each other. I was 19 or 20. Well, I eventually married and that was a disaster. As soon as we got married, Hubby 1 started showing his true colors (or I just started seeing them) and then a couple of years later I found out I was living with a stranger. After a year long seperation, a week or so into a brief reconciliation with Hubby 1, I went out with my cousin and C34 and he asked if we could get together to catch up. I passed with the excuse, "my husband and I just reconciled and I don't think that would be a good idea." Well, Hubby 1 and I could never make a go of the marriage and just started doing things on our own again. I would go out with my cousins and brothers once a week to karaoke and my cousin would bring a couple of friends. The more C34 was around the more I knew we were still as perfect for each other as I thought back in high school. We had even grown up and now had more in sync with each other. We had similar opinions and beliefs and wanted the same things. Don't think I didn't invite Hubby 1 to join me every week for karaoke-he never took me up on the invitation. It wasn't my grand plan to end up with C34 but I knew he was going every week to be around me and I knew that was part of the reason I was going too. Hubby 1 and I had a terrible ending and the day I left my cousin called C34 to help me move into my new place. Two days later we became inseperable. It was New Year's Eve and I knew I wanted to be with him forever, I told him as much. When we got married he admitted he thought I was a little crazy when I told him once we got together it would be for the rest of his life and now we're having our first baby.

I know there's a lot you don't need to know in those details but I feel my story relates to yours because though I knew the circumstances were wrong, I knew what I felt was true and he was the right person for me so I let my marriage end and stopped trying to make things work there.

Something is lacking in your girl's engagement or nothing could make her do what she is doing. I always knew my husband and I would be perfect for each other but every other opprtunity we had to hook-up I passed on because nothing was wrong with what I already had going on.

I have more . . . give me a few minutes.

[WindyCityLane]

Why is Andira spending the summer back home? That's a long time to be apart? Maybe she's looking to get out of her engagement but in all honesty, engagement is a fantasy-like idea that she may not want to let go for the sake of the fantasy. Men don't generally see things like women do. When I got divorced, it hurt me to be "divorced" because the stigma.

You can't try to support her in her relationship. You're already the other man. You'll always be the other man it seems and the second her relationship with him becomes trying she'll be kissing you again and you'll be making yourself vulnerable for hurt.

If you feel she's the one for you then let her know you guys can't see each other because it's torture. When I confronted C34 about his always accepting my cousin's invitations to be around me, and how I noticed his way with me, he honestly said, "I want to be with you, I think we would be good together. You don't seem happy and I think it's only a matter of time" His honesty made it that much easier to walk out (still Hubby 1's actions were the ultimate reason) because I knew how I felt about him. Am I making sense to you?

[WindyCityLane]

I guess we were typing our posts at the same time.

[sfalexi]

Know who I feel worst for? The sorry bastard who has this bitch as a fiance. I guess he really didn't know her true nature after all . . .

[BillyGalbreath]

Ok. First off alexi, I fdont appreciate you calling her a bitch. Can you please refrain from name calling. Giving your opinion is one thing, but name calling is uncalled for and just rude.

Second, she has done nothing wrong. I have been the instigator in this whole situation. I made all the first moves. I am the one who is off balance. She does like me and thats what makes it so hard for her to say 'no' or whatever. thats it. She is the innocent confused one. She is prolly more confused than I am.

Now - to my update on this... Last night I didn't see her because she was working. So I was basically alone all night long doin nuthin but playin my guitar, and thinking. I can to the conclusion after I was able to control myself around her yesterday during lunch that I could do it all the time. It really wasnt all the hard. I just had to want to control myself. So I have decided not to say anything about what I have been thinking. In fact after I type this in I really dont want to think about it anymore. I am just going to move on and just be friends again. Its how we were all the days that we been hanging out except for the few kisses. But hey, I can live without kissing. I've done it before.

But yeah, anyways.. I kinda like being single. Its starting to 'appeal' to me. lol. At least being single I only have to satisfy myself. I wont have anyone nagging me all the time about somethin. I wont have someone there all the time. I like to have my alone time, and then other times I like to be around someone. Thats what friends are for. If I was in a relationship they would be around all the time. And that would just get annoying after awhile.

but yeah. I dont know if I made any sence with this post. But yeah - its all settled. She's my friend. I am still single. I am happy. And thats that.

[sfalexi]

Second, she has done nothing wrong. I have been the instigator in this whole situation. I made all the first moves. I am the one who is off balance. She does like me and thats what makes it so hard for her to say 'no' or whatever. thats it. She is the innocent confused one. She is prolly more confused than I am.

So according to your logic, if some guy flirts with my fiance, and ends up making out with her, and anything else, since HE initiated the flirtation, she DIDN'T cheat on me? Because SHE didn't initiate it?

What about the fact that she doesn't seem to be doing anything to stop from kissing you. She didn't stop you from kissing her. She didn't tell you afterwards that it's not right for her to do this because she's engaged to someone else. She hasn't told you that you can only be friends. No. Instead she sits in your lap. And her eye 'twinkles' and you feel her 'wanting' to kiss you.

You don't always have to START doing a bad thing for it to be wrong. Sometimes just not taking appropriate action to STOP it is bad enough.

[sfalexi]

I know that if I had a girlfriend (or even WORSE, a fiance), and I found out some guy had kissed her, and she hadn't done a thing to stop it, NOR prevent it from happening again in the future, I'd hold her to just as much fault as the other guy. As a matter of fact, I'd hold her to even MORE fault since she's the one that is supposed to he emotionally attached to ME. The other guy doesn't know me at all so he really couldn't be expected to give a damn about the other guy (obviously, billy) but SHE should not want to do it. If not because it's wrong, but for ME.

How'd you feel when your ex cheated on you Billy? (I believe I read somewhere that one of you exes left you for someone else and/or cheated on you). Did you not blame her at all because it was the OTHER guy who hit on HER? Or were you upset that she could continue to do something like that behind your back?

Or are my words falling on deaf ears like the rest of this post?

Alexi

[squirrley]

Billy-stay single. It seems like it might be easier for you to handle right now- You have so many emotions and dont know where to direct them.

Seriously take time for yourself and evaluate what you want for yourself-cause a woman isnt going to do you a damn of good right now in your life. Especially the women around you.

[sfalexi]

Ok. First off alexi, I fdont appreciate you calling her a bitch. Can you please refrain from name calling. Giving your opinion is one thing, but name calling is uncalled for and just rude.

Fine. But it's quite clear that she's not exactly a "saint" either.

[squirrley]

Billy-look at this way...uh what were YOU calling your x's when they cheated on you?

[BillyGalbreath]

Alexi - I understand where you are comming from, and to a certain extent I agree with it, but it still doesnt mean that its right to call her a bitch.

Squirrley - yes I called destine alot of things including bitch, but I never called her that around anyone that was friends with her. That would be like me tell you that I think Iron is an asshole. Its just rude for me to say that to you because you like him.

But rest assured everyone - this situation has come to an end. I am no longer chasing her or whatnot. But I am merely her friend. And in time I want to become good friends with her fiancee. It would be nice to be friends with a guy my age.

I am staying single for alot of reasons, squirrley. And yes that is one of them. I will not bore you all with the reasons I can come up with to stay single. Just rest assured I am single and will be for quite some time to come.

[BillyGalbreath]

btw - I dont think iron is an asshole - I was just using that as a reference.

[squirrley]

I know you didnt mean that about Iron!-its just that since you joined the forum you have expressed so many emotions when it comes to relationships and I hadnt seen one time where you really took a break for yourself. There was always someone you had an interest in or hadnt lost that feeling yet...I think its crucial you take a break from women. Im glad youre not pursuing this thing with the highschool sweetheart-too many issues beyond explanation. And maybe you do realize that now-good for you. Now being friends with her fiance is another story dude...could you really? Knowing what took place in the last couple of weeks? I wouldnt go there yet.

As far as the name calling goes-I think Alexi was just making a point and not necessarily doggin her but the situation itself...i mean really when you look at it from the outside it wasnt very tactfull of her-being engaged. We all make mistakes-Lord knows Ive made a shitload and have no doubts will make more...nobodys perfect.

Weve all called our x's something in the past and its ok we say it but noone else? NA-I may have said that in the past-but if the person is a genuine bitch or asshole by all means step in and join the name calling-immature or not-it happens and we all say it! Hell if the convo comes up about someone I think whose an ass-I'll still say it-I dont care-if they walk the walk and talk the talk then they deserve that shit!

Anyoo-damn I go off when Im bored. Sorry. Take some time for yourself Billy and your children. Women are nothing but trouble! (I tell my son that everyday-cause sure shit-theres always problems in his world with teen dating-such back stabbing females-I have never seen the like and I certainly wasnt that bad when I was his age-what the hell do these girls think anyway?) obvioulsy Ive got some issues at home with him-sorry again.

[moondragon1985]

this was posted at 4:30AM CST...so please pardon the mistakes

ok...so its pretty clear to me that some of you think im a bitch....i could care less what you think about me.

for the record...let me set a few things straight:
1. my fiance (Jacob) knew i was gonna go hang out with billy, long before i ever came back to pasadena. we talked it over and he is ok of the idea of me and billy being friends.
2. after billy and i kissed, i DID tell Jacob! we had like a three hour conversation about where our (mine and Jacob's) relationship was giong and my feelings toward billy and him. and in the end he actually asked me the question "Me or him?"....you can read further to find out the answer.


now....for my side of the story...if you even care to hear it...

i had a really funny feeling on april 16 2004...and i just couldnt place it...until i realized that ir was billy's birthday...so i thought..."Its been a long time since ive talked to billy...i should call him when i get back to texas." i was still in college at the time. i told my fiance then about the idea of reconnecting with billy, and he was weird about it, but finally said he "could live with the idea of [me] hanging out with an ex-boyfriend."

and first of all, after two years of not seeing him, i had no idea where to find him, or even where to begin....until i saw robin at the denny's one night while picking up my sister's mom (long story...please dont ask)...

so...where was i?....oh yeah....at first after i talked to billy the first few times, i thought i had feelings for him still, but after the beforementioned conversation with my fiance, (and a LONG conversation with my sister)realized that i was just holding onto memories from the past and that billy and i are two completly different ppl now, and neither of us are in a position to have our lives suddenly altered.

and while i feel terrible about cheating on my fiance (he knows about it), i will never regret what i did because im not the kind of person who does things she regrets.

as for the part where i sat on billys lap...i do that to all my friends if they're sitting in the only chair in the vicinity...just ask my sister or my friends at college...it was in no way ment to be anything other than one friend sitting on another friend.

iv come to my senses since then and have regained full and total control of my mind...sometimes it gets lost when it wanders...as for mine and billy's relationship for the present, we are just friends...and who knows what the future really holds?