How do I find a new man or even a date?!!

[lovesjoyajm]

Why don't you start your own meetup group? I am thinking about joining one for hiking.

I've been thinking about that too. There's one around here, I'm just afraid I'll be the only young person. Although I do get along with old people pretty well, so it shouldn't be a problem.

Plus I don't own a pack. Or a tent. Damn.

[cake85]

i would say..before finding a man you should get your life together....find a job, take care of youserlf,think about what you really need...is it a man? is that really gonna fix your life? get you a job and friends?...i don't think so.

think about the things that you need right now and forget about men for a while. i mean you have no money! your first step should be getting a job, then taking care of youself and maybe make some friends and after that, if you still feel like you need a man in your life than go ahead and start dating. but honestly, there are more important things than just finding a man/woman...there is you and you should take care of yourelf first.

don't really mean to sound harsh but honestly, i think that finding a man should be the last thing on your list. build your self steem first and set your prioritiies straight. hopes that helps.

[MVPlaya]

No Money Playa!! There's no jobs there either, my sister's husband got laid off and her hours got cut down to 8 a week. They live in a town of 1000 people that doesn't even have a WalMart!! Not a whole lot of social opportunity there either LOL!! I'm stuck here, gotta figure out how to work it out here. Thanks for commenting!!

I have a buddy, lets call him T. He is flat broke. He doesn't have a car, he works three jobs to make ends meet, he still has a roommate, and also attends junior college. Every night he goes out and meets girls, and gets them to buy him drinks since he can't afford it.

If you can afford to go out to a bar and sit there, you can afford to go out to a bar and talk to someone. Speaking to people is free. If it cost money to hit on girls I'd be broke by now.

[LoveLisa]

i would say..before finding a man you should get your life together....find a job, take care of youserlf,think about what you really need...is it a man? is that really gonna fix your life? get you a job and friends?...i don't think so.

think about the things that you need right now and forget about men for a while. i mean you have no money! your first step should be getting a job, then taking care of youself and maybe make some friends and after that, if you still feel like you need a man in your life than go ahead and start dating. but honestly, there are more important things than just finding a man/woman...there is you and you should take care of yourelf first.

don't really mean to sound harsh but honestly, i think that finding a man should be the last thing on your list. build your self steem first and set your prioritiies straight. hopes that helps.

Doesn't seem harsh really. I don't think that a man will fix my life. I spend all day every day looking for a job, I try to be strong and positive, but everyone needs a break from constant stress and worry. I don't get that. I wake up alone and some days go by when I don't get to talk to a single person. My ex is now seeing 2 women, and that adds to my loneliness and sadness. It would be nice just to talk to a man even over coffee. Just to have someone laugh with me or tell me a joke. I'm not expecting to be swept off my feet, but I'm starting to feel like Will Smith in I am Legend, but without the zombies!!

[LoveLisa]

I have a buddy, lets call him T. He is flat broke. He doesn't have a car, he works three jobs to make ends meet, he still has a roommate, and also attends junior college. Every night he goes out and meets girls, and gets them to buy him drinks since he can't afford it.

If you can afford to go out to a bar and sit there, you can afford to go out to a bar and talk to someone. Speaking to people is free. If it cost money to hit on girls I'd be broke by now.

Thanks for comment, I cannot afford to go out to bars and sit there, I went to Bar and grill and bought one drink 5 weeks ago. No guys talked to me, they hit on girls in groups that were dressed up andclearly already intoxicated, one guy was staring at my tennis shoes like WTH are those. And several girls snickered to each other about me sitting there. I stressed out the whole next day about spending my gas money on a drink. And swore I would never put myself through that again.
It isn't the same for men and women, men can go to a bar and sit there alone talking tothe bartender orother people at the bar, women get looked upon as pathetic if they just sit there, slutty if they hit on guys or if dressed skanky they are mistaken for prostitutes or they are prostitutes.
Playa..How old is your friend? I think this is pretty common for guys 18-23.

[MVPlaya]

Look, Lisa, I could debate each point with you and it really wouldn't be hard, but I'd rather go to this point:

Do you want to make excuses or experience life?

Its very easy to make excuses. I lack money, I'm not pretty enough, people were talking about me, I look like a slut, I look too skanky, people snickered. I could give you 20 more excuses if that will make you feel better.

Or you could stop with the excuses and just go out there and live your life.

There are probably a thousand girls who think I am an asshole, a manwhore, or annoying. I've had girls tell me to **** off, I've lost some friends, there are some places I'm not welcome and prefer to avoid. There are a lot of guys and girls who just don't like me, period. And then on the other end there are hundreds of people who will literally drop everything to come hang out with me because they enjoy my company, tons of girls who I can count on for a date or a chat or a good friendship, and tons of friends who I can count on for entertainment or a good time out. People who keep me company, who I keep company, who I share important experiences with in life and who I can rely on and who rely on me.

I could've made excuses and looked at all the bad things in the start of that paragraph and said its not worth it, its too hard, and my life would look very different today, but I chose to look at what I wanted and fought for it.

So did you come to this forum to complain about how your life sucks, or to get somewhere? Because you can sit here and create reasons all day, but at the end of the day, they main thing holding you back is you. There is always a way if you are willing. And if you are not willing to look for it, then you are part of the problem.

It would be easier if you were in better shape, it would be more convenient if you had money, it would be a lot of things if xyz was different, but you can sit here and wait on the world to change for you and complain about it until time slips away, or you can go out and get it for yourself. Your entire first post is just a litany of complaints about how your life sucks, and all your subsequent posts are a series of excuses for why you haven't done anything about it. So why don't you stop with the excuses and start figuring out a way to make things work?

[cake85]

Doesn't seem harsh really. I don't think that a man will fix my life. I spend all day every day looking for a job, I try to be strong and positive, but everyone needs a break from constant stress and worry. I don't get that. I wake up alone and some days go by when I don't get to talk to a single person. My ex is now seeing 2 women, and that adds to my loneliness and sadness. It would be nice just to talk to a man even over coffee. Just to have someone laugh with me or tell me a joke. I'm not expecting to be swept off my feet, but I'm starting to feel like Will Smith in I am Legend, but without the zombies!!

okay i understand how tough it must be but, just remember that there is always light at the end of the tunel.
i agree you can't be in a constant stress and worry, but you can't be obssesing over your ex either. what he does and who he is with , is not your problem anymore, life is a bitch, sadly, but you have to move on. i have been through some hard things myself and there was a time when i felt lonely and like i needed a man in my life (just got out of a 5 years relationship) but i realized that what i needed it wasn't a man or a guy to tell me how beautiful and pretty i was. i needed it to get my life together and do things for me first.

are you religious? do you go to church? sometimes they have groups of ppl who can help you with things like this, you just go and talk and meet ppl, perhaps you might not need a religious group but try finding some sort of place where people get together and talk about their life and stuff. maybe that can help a little bit. and you won't feel so lonely.

[LoveLisa]

Playa you are completely RIGHT!! Thank You! I'm scared, it took alot of strength to leave my husband and move away, and when he wanted me back and I thought things would be better. I took a huge leap of faith and and gave up everything to come back to him. I am making excuses because I don't want to be hurt like that again. I don't want to go through friends that screw me over. And I don't want to have to date and get to know other men. I hate being all alone, but I'm too scared to put myself out there again, even for friendships. I was willing to get back with my ex and let him have everything his way because it's familiar and I'm too scared of what is out there. No one is gonna approach me or be my friend because I won't let them have the opportunity to hurt me. Is that what you wanted to hear?

[MVPlaya]

Its a start. I know exactly how you feel, but I also know that there are a lot of emotions you have to resist. If you give into them easily they become very negative habits, you need to put up a fight each time they come up or you're just waving the flag and letting your fears control your life.

There's really no way to avoid all the negative things you write about, you don't want to be hurt again, you don't want friends who will screw you over, you don't want to go through dating, but you're going to have to go through each of those because not doing anything is a much worse alternative. There's very little out there that can do as much damage to you as you can do to yourself by just sitting there.

So, I understand your fear. And I've experienced it too. But the only solution is to go out there and do things. So start doing things. You're already trying in some areas, you can fix your financial problems with work, you can fix physical problems with exercise, and you should do all these things to make you a better person. But you cannot think that just by making progress in these other areas the main thing you want: human interaction and emotion, will just be handed to you and that it is your role to wait for it.

You need to go out there and accept risk, deal with pain, and press on forward, and the experience will make you a stronger person. If you give into pain easily, you will only reinforce everything you dislike about your character and situation.

[shheadz]

No family members near. Was sharing apartment with my sister and her husband before I came back here, but her husband got laid off right after I left and now they live with her Dad and step-mom. (We have different Dad's) I made the decision to come back here and give my ex another chance, so I have to pay for my actions. I don't have a way to get back there and no one to help me. Times are tough for everyone right now, I've got to take care of myself

It's too bad you feel that way Lisa, because really that's what family is for. You're supposed to love and help one another unconditionally. As long as Dad has a corner in his house where you can throw a mattress, then you should have a place to stay where you can be near people that care about you. Times are tough, and that's exactly why family should be huddling closer together.

I live in a 3 story house in a small steel mill town in PA. I have no doubt that 3 or 4 generations were living in this house at the same time when it was first built. It seems that it's a recent development that everyone in a family must branch out and live on their own.

[LoveLisa]

[QUOTE=shheadz;540438]It's too bad you feel that way Lisa, because really that's what family is for. You're supposed to love and help one another unconditionally. As long as Dad has a corner in his house where you can throw a mattress, then you should have a place to stay where you can be near people that care about you. Times are tough, and that's exactly why family should be huddling closer together.
QUOTE]

This is not an excuse just an answer. My dad is dead. Killed in a car accident.
But thanks for the suggestion.

[LoveLisa]

I know exactly how you feel, but I also know that there are a lot of emotions you have to resist. If you give into them easily they become very negative habits, you need to put up a fight each time they come up or you're just waving the flag and letting your fears control your life.

I know, thanks for your help!

[Jaden]

1. You need to figure out your financial situation first. No jobs? move and stop bitching about it.
2. Work on yourself. How is your relationships with your friends? you have none..? so go make some first. You need to setup relationships with other people before you "find someone". Otherwise you won't feel complete.
3. Online dating is where its at (may I suggest okcupid.com). Get pictures taken by a professional photographer. Write a dating profile then get it edited by someone. You'll be meeting men soon enough!

[LoveLisa]

1. You need to figure out your financial situation first. No jobs? move and stop bitching about it.
!

I'm not bitching about living here. And moving doesn't help, I couldn't find a job where I lived before I came back here. I apply for jobs everyday, and haven't gotten one single interview. The problem is I haven't worked in 10 years. When I fill out an app. and they look at the fact that it's been 10 years and the company I worked for isn't even in business anymore, so they cannot even contact them, they obviously throw me in the trash. Geography doesn't change that fact. I even went in person 4 times after filling out an app. and practically begged the manager for the job I applied for, she wouldn't even interview me. I don't give up and just stop trying, I continue to keep applying and keep hoping. I don't plan on moving from here, I plan on making the best of things here and continuing to spend every day looking for a job here until someone gives me a chance. Today i spent the day researching ways to improve my resume and cover letter. And I applied for 2 more jobs. I'm registered with the employment office and they said that in April I will qualify for job skill training. I'm also looking into getting an online certificate so I will have some computer and office skills. I don't just sit around doing nothing all day whining about my life!!

[shheadz]

This is not an excuse just an answer. My dad is dead. Killed in a car accident.
But thanks for the suggestion.

I was referring to which ever "Dad" you mentioned in a previous post.