Thoughts on dating women with kids

[Zilla80]

Craziest thing is I'm slightly in the same boat right now...I just came off a 6 yr relationship and this girl I thought was absolutely gorgeous works at a restaurant with a couple friends. So since I'm a single guy I got her number..Now I know she has a 2 year old kid. We went to high school together, so I'm in the position of yes I do really genuinely want something serious. I don't know that I want to raise another mans kid...I could do it because kids are amazing. Watching my best friend raise his daughter and my youngest sister having 2 of her own...at 23 I've been around kids constantly. Which in my previous relationship was also 2 kids involved on her families side that I spent a lot of time with. It's a sticky situation but at this point the way I look at it is this...I'm not there for the kid or anyone else at this point, I am interested in getting to know the mother and seeing what we have between us. I know the attraction is there, and if anything the sex will come which honestly isn't what my motives are. I hope that you can connect with her and really start something good. Don't let anyone say otherwise, get that connection man and see if thats what your looking for. Take it in stride from there, it's a very respectable thing to see someone raise someone else's kid. My step mother did a damn good job. Go on some dates and stuff have a good time, she's honestly probably looking for a little relief at this point anyways. Give it to her and in the meantime everything else will fall into place.

Hey thanks man.

I wish you luck in your situation as well. I feel the same way, I'm just interested in getting to know the mother, if I like her enough then I will have to decide if I am willing to deal with her 2 kids in going any further.

Let me know how your situation pans out as well.

[ecojeanne]

i think some of the responses are not really taking reality into account. if SHE wants to date then why not? just coz she has kids doesn't mean THEY won't come first. why not date her? i don't really understand. you may not get to meet the kids for a very long time if she's sensible about it. rather than just striking her off why not see what happens and discuss with her when apropriate about the kids....it may not even get to that stage. single mom's deserve to date just the same as anyone else

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

I was reading a couple posts where they were saying she should just be concerned about her kids and not dating. I mean yes, single mothers should be concerned about their children, but I'm not on lockdown. Dont I deserve to go out and have some fun? Am I supposed to sit home and deal with my daughter without time to myself? Am I supposed to stay lonely? No, it's not fair. If a guy dates a single mother he should know what he's getting himself into. If you are going to have a serious relationship with a single mother, expect to play father role as well. As a single mother, I am not looking for just another relationship, I'm looking for someone willing to continue building a family starting with my daughter and one of our own if need be. Having just another relationship is just another responsibility and I have enough on my hands with a child.I feel I have just as much rights as any other woman to date.

[Zilla80]

Thank you for those perspectives coming from single-mothers.

[ecojeanne]

but also on the side of all single mom's out there..... women who have children are not completely cut off from pleasure! for goodness sake people, dating is dating....why does it all become about longterm plans/possibilities/responsibilities just coz she's a mom. it's completely unfair to think longterm anyway...thats up to the single mom involved. who does that at the beginning of a relationship anyway??? many single moms throughout the world date/flirt/play/use/enjoy/marry etc etc just like single women. longterm plans come later like any relationship...of course when kids are involved they should be kept in the dark if the mom has sense (which most do!). for goodness sake they are human beings!

EDIT: also i might add most single moms have their heads screwed on better than most single women without children imo

[starbuck]

EDIT: also i might add most single moms have their heads screwed on better than most single women without children imo

I understand what you're getting at but, lets not insult single women without children. That's unfair, too.

There are irresponsible people of all types.

[ecojeanne]

I understand what you're getting at but, lets not insult single women without children. That's unfair, too.

There are irresponsible people of all types.

i said 'most' on both sides. and the reason i am of that opinion is because there is more to lose for single moms, so in a logical sense, i know you know what i mean, no offense intended

[vashti]

Sure, it might be fun for the mom, but it isn't good for the kids. That's why it all becomes about long term issues. moms are responsible for more than just themselves, and what is good for the kids should be the most important factor, even more important than her getting to have fun.

[ecojeanne]

Sure, it might be fun for the mom, but it isn't good for the kids.

where do you get that idea from? its not fun for the kids anyway due to the fact their father isn't around permenantly, but how does dating change anything if the mother is sensible about it? like i previously mentioned; the kids shouldn't know straight off the bat, its unhealthy for them to know, so how is 'not fun' for them vas(shh!)hti?

[vashti]

You are right that it isn't fun for kids whose fathers aren't around, but mom dating makes things worse. Do you have kids, eco? I am guessing not, because it is rather obvious that there are significant differences in the psyche of many children whose mothers are preoccupied with dating. Sorry, but there just are. You may wish to argue that those differences are positive, but I would simply disagree.

[ecojeanne]

You are right that it isn't fun for kids whose fathers aren't around, but mom dating makes things worse. Do you have kids, eco? I am guessing not, because it is rather obvious that there are significant differences in the psyche of children whose mothers are preoccupied with dating. Sorry, but there just are. You may wish to argue that those differences are positive, but I would simply disagree.

you're obviously not a single mom. you have no idea what you are talking about.

[vashti]

LOL! Okay, I'm sure you do, even though you've never been a parent, single or otherwise.

[ecojeanne]

LOL! Okay, I'm sure you do, even though you've never been a parent, single or otherwise.

whatever, you know it all.

[snoz]

It's okay to think about the kids but let the mum have some fun too. I don't think they're any different to anyone else. My friend had time to have fun and look after her kid at the same time so you can't say these are connected in anyway.

Speaking as that child without a parent growing up. It doesn't matter in the end, I always regret not knowing my mother even if I do love my new one. Just call it the teenage angst we all go through it.

So Zilla just go ahead and give it a go. If it doesn't work it doesn't work. If it does then prepare yourself for the day when the kids get all bitchy

[Zilla80]

Thanks snoz.

Sure, it might be fun for the mom, but it isn't good for the kids. That's why it all becomes about long term issues. moms are responsible for more than just themselves, and what is good for the kids should be the most important factor, even more important than her getting to have fun.

I'm curious then, in your opinion how do single mom's ever find love again? Or do they not? Is the rest of the life devoted to being the only parent to their children? Do they have to wait until they kids are all 18 and out the house?

Should they just come with a disclaimer to any potential lovers.. "If you're not going to marry me don't waste my time because I have kids.."

I just fail to see your logic here. I am interested to get to know a girl better who has 2 kids and you tell me because I'm not ready to become a surrogate father to kids I haven't even met yet I shouldn't bother at all??