Dealing with jealousy

[vashti]

If he really loves you, then YOUR feelings would be more important to him than hers.

I am not one of those women who think that people ought to throw away pictures of former lovers; they represent earlier chapters in a persons life. However, keeping a photo of her in his wallet is unusual, to say the least. I don't think most women would put up with that. Tell him to put them away in a photo album in the closet or something.

Also, I think you are misinformed about how common it is to be friends after being lovers. Yes, it does happen occassionally, but not usually, especially when one person still has feelings for the other.

You need to quit being such a coward, and tell him what is on your mind. You need to have some clear boundaries, or you will continue to be walked on. Being so passive is not going to keep him around if he is not interested in staying, and in the meantime, you are feeling like crap. He will have a hard time respecting you if you have a hard time respecting yourself.

[Sooky]

Sooky, I think that jealousy and insecurities can ruin a good relationship, but wake up, girl. You don't have a good relationship. Your bf is still involved with his ex. Very involved. Your feelings are in no way inappropriate to the situation. Has he got you convinced that you're the one with the problem? If so, he's a passive-aggressive asshole. What do you think?

I'm not going to lie to myself it does concern me that he still talks to his ex a lot, but I can't stop him really. At some point I will try my best to get him to see things the way I do but its hard as things are complicated. We do have a good relationship for the most part, but I've got very little relationship experience so its hard for me to judge what is acceptable and what I should be able to handle. To me it seems like my emotions are getting out of control and I'm obsessing about things more than I should. I just dont understand why he still wants to talk to her everyday. I just dont get it.

I dont want to give him up over this as other areas of the relationship are really good and we get on really well. Most of the time I hide my jealousy from him and try to pretend that everythings fine. Maybe thats not the best thing to do, but I admit I am a coward when it comes to discussing these things and I'm always inclined to shy away from it.

Sorry guys, maybe I'm a lost course on this one. It seems the best solutions are staring me in the face but I'm trying to avoid them.

[Gigabitch]

Sorry guys, maybe I'm a lost course on this one. It seems the best solutions are staring me in the face but I'm trying to avoid them.

That's why you keep logging on to LF, because you know we won't let you do that.

I suggest you look through some old threads- this isn't the first time this has come up. I don't remember anyone ever saying, "Never mind- false alarm, he's all mine and we're going to live happily ever after."

You may not believe in happily ever after, Sooky, but you at least ought to believe in something better than what you've got going on. IMO, becoming Spinster Cat Lady is preferable to that.