need advice i feel like hes pushing me away

[pepperanne1016]

ya mid 20's and his mom says she wants to live with him the rest of her life now that i am not dealing with. i know i have heard that living with in-law's/ parents makes things hard on a relationship well this will make it 100 times worse. especially in the kind of environment they expose everyone to. all of their neighbors cant even stand her all she does is fight with them for stupid things and she never lets anything go.

[bearz]

Apparently his mom has a lot more growing up to do than he does then... which is really sad. It really sucks when a son and mother can't get along like normal adults at this stage in their lives. But you definitely don't want to deal with that drama.

[pepperanne1016]

yes she acts like a baby all the time. when something doesnt go her way she starts fighting with everyone. for example she cooked a roast beef one time and all my bf simply said was oh i wonder next time that i should try to make it to see how it taste and she flipped didnt eat threw the food out and started a fight. his dad passed almost 4 years ago now and even before that as long as i knew him the both of them didnt get along. his mom and dad used to fight all the time as well but his dad gave her everything she wanted and did everything for her. she admitted that she never had to do anything for herself

[bearz]

She is scared of being alone which is probably normal. But the way she is lashing out and dealing with that fear is not normal. She needs to get help in that regard, but there is nothing you can do. It's something you should stay out of and her son needs to tell her that. If he wants to help her, that's one thing. But being her bitch, living with her, and practically doing everything for her is exactly what he shouldn't be doing.

I have taken care of my mom since my dad passed away, but I live on my own, I have my own life. I don't need her and she doesn't need me. She always has little things she needs help with around the house which is totally fine. But she also takes no for an answer and then either does it herself or gets a professional to do it.

[pepperanne1016]

well first let me say sorry for your loss. and i believe thats how it should be he needs to live his own life she cant run his life for him. i know that but its not for me to tell him that because i know that will cause more problems with. when he got into this last fight with his mom i told him that its his decision what he has to do but i will support him but i cant tell him what to do.

i was like living with them but i had enough of it i had to leave me and him left things off on a good note and talk pretty much every day until recently he has been kinda distant and if i do talk to him he gives one word answers or gets short with me.

[bearz]

Thank you. Our family handled it really well, as good as grown up adults can possibly do.

I'm sure that by now you have realized that this isn't a healthy relationship for you to be in. His mom isn't going to change any time soon, and he won't change over night either. Now it's up to you to decide whether you want to deal with all of this emotional baggage or move on and find someone else who truly appreciates you.

[pepperanne1016]

well i guess im just going to let its course run if its meant to be it will be but i know i deserve to be appreciated and will not put up with someone who does not appreciate me

[basilandthyme]

hes not lazy tho. whatever money he does make his mom takes and he has to do everything for her or she gets more angry and they fight more. she never had to do anything for herself before his dad died now that his dad died and she slowly has to learn to do things for herself she don't like it. for example it snowed like a dusting me and her leave same time i went to do my car she started a fight with my bf because he wasnt up and had her car cleaned off for her. also if its not done her way its wrong not only for me but for him but then she expects him to do it all. she was making me pay her over $500 every month for food water when i was hardly even there cause i was working and i never really ate there.

In your first post, you said that his mom pays for everything he has. Now you're saying that she takes all his money.

Sorry, but it can't work both ways.

[Wakeup]

In your first post, you said that his mom pays for everything he has. Now you're saying that she takes all his money.

Sorry, but it can't work both ways.

I think she meant his mom paid for everything before OP got him is part time job. Now that he has a job of sorts, she's taking everything he makes and pays for everything he needs instead of letting him handle his own money???? (I could be wrong of course in which case, yea.. can't be having it both ways.)

[pepperanne1016]

she spends thousands of dollars on him for no reason just so spend money on him either buying him clothes, electronics etc. since he got his job and whatever money he does get she dont even ask for money back she just takes his whole checks and spends them how she wants to for example going shopping every weekend for herself. just like she wanted to start doing with me. she wanted me to start giving her close to $700 a month but my whole check is about $767 a month. she has money she blows money she thinks everyone is like her.

[Wakeup]

uhm... I'm seeing a pattern here .. before you said she wanted you to give her $500.00 and now you're saying $700.00?

[pepperanne1016]

no originally it was $700 i got her down to $500

[bearz]

Wow, so she just takes his pay check and he's not doing anything about it?