girlfriend not sexually attracted to me

[NeoSeminole]

vashti says:

"Yes, but what you wrote implies that AT THIS POINT, there is nothing that can be done, doesn't it? She isn't JUST meeting him, she's known him for months.

Looks might play a role initially, but looks certainly won't sustain a woman's interest."

I'm just going by what the OP told us. His gf doesn't know if she was ever sexually attracted to him. I would think she'd know if she found him physically attractive at the beginning of the relationship. Most of you are giving him generic responses like "build your confidence" and "be more emotionally understanding." I don't think that's the problem otherwise she wouldn't have been attracted to his personality.

[wonderz]

your post is like potent pheremones to my ears.. ahh!


the male population in general is very lazy.. at this point..

- Work out. I don't want to put your self-esteem down, but guys with an ugly face and a hot body will usually get more attention from women than the guy with the cute face and the bony or fat body.. T
he average body figure that women want to see.. the one that is highly desireable is something close to what John Abraham has.. not skinny, nice toned body, but not gorilla-like..
- Dress nice. Yeah, I get it, you have guy friends you want to appear "cool" to, and they'll probably make fun of you, or call you gay, or call you metrosexual when you start to dress nice.. forget them and ignore, that's the male psyche' espressing jealousy at your self-confidence and trying to lower it so you can be back down to their level.. How you dress plays a LARGE role in how sexy you are.. and women have different tastes.. so go shopping with her.. and ask her to pick stuff out.. be very open minded.. get her to pick 10 things.. and she has to rate them.. the ones with the highest rating by her are the ones you're most likely to buy and wear..
- Groom! Yes, shower, at least once a day, smell good, shave (I personally prefer not-fully, leave a little grub).. nails, always clipped.. NEVER leave the house if your nails aren't clipped, if your arm-pits smell, if you haven't showed.. and most importantly.. if you haven't brushed! Also, lips are a major turn-on.. so take care of them.. lip balm with you all the time.. and put it on like it's on sale every night when you go to bed..



- Foreplay.. hint.. this starts way before your cloths come off! you'll get better at it as time goes by.. it's really something that you naturally develop..

- Tease! instead of going strait for the "Pink Floyd Flower", kiss around it, (as you kiss, let your lips rest slowly on her skin, and let the warm moist air come out from your mouth as your lips pull away.. don't forget to smile; even though she can't see it, she can feel it!).. as you're kissing around it.. gently massage/caress her knees while kissing her inner thighs (this relaxes the muscles responsible for intensifying the female orgasm).. now.. keep at it for as long as it takes while going back to kissing the area around the Pink Floyd Flower, and start gently and softly licking and kissing the flower slowly, and then move back to the thighs while making eye contact "having your eyes tell her I KNOW IT'S DRIVING YOU CRAZY"(sorry, I don't know how old the poster is).. read her signals.. LISTEN to her, FEEL her body talk to you.. realize when she can't take it anymore.. (because it's going to be WAY before she tells you, if she has to tell you, it's already too late).. and when you feel like you've teased her enough.. start to focus on the flower.. and when you do..

HINT: if the two of you make a ritual to take turns, make sure your turn is first.. only because, you want her to feel that it's her turn now.. and that she doesn't have to worry about getting to you later.. it allows her to focus on her at that moment..

G said everything. HER telling you that she is physically attracted to you, but not sexually attracted is totally contradictory. I mean like someone said I would definitely prefer a guy with an ugly face and a nice body who knows how to please me, than a guy with a pretty face, not so nice body, and doesnt know how to please a woman.

I personally can not be attracted to a guy who doesn't take care of himself, dress nice, smell good. Even if I like your mental or character, am pretty sure after a few weeks or days I'll just have to stop the relationship koz physically i can't stand you.
I mean it is mean to tell someone your breath stinks, or you stink go take a shower, put some aftershave. I hate to make people unconfortable so i would never tell a guy those stuff, but I would rather break up, not giving you any reason, or telling you a lie. It ain't cool but most women would do that.

So I really advice you to read very carefully what G told you, and try to apply it, than come back and let us know aight?
good luck

[Gigabitch]

I don't think it's necessarily all over for you. It sounds like she's got some issues in this regard (evidenced by the fact that she's rarely attracted to anyone) and that she's easily motivated by emotion (Ross & Rachel).

I think you could learn how to turn her on. Her telling you that she wasn't attracted may have been more of a cry for help than a dismissal. You have to be willing to do some work for it, though.

Clearly, she's susceptible to mushy stuff on video. Go with that. Watch some romantic movies (see Henry123's "Romantic Movies" thread). Be expressive in your appreciation of her. Try to make it seem spontaneous- like she just looked so right or did something so cute the compliment just flew right out of your mouth.

And the next time she does something as obvious as making out with you and laying down, go with it. She wants to be swept away. Some people can only really let go and be aroused when they feel emotionally overwhelmed. This is, of course, a real pain in the ass and totally her own problem, but if you want to get things going, I think you should try it.

[Junket]

If what Giga said is true...

I'd say abandon this fish for one simpler.

[vashti]

I'm just going by what the OP told us. His gf doesn't know if she was ever sexually attracted to him. I would think she'd know if she found him physically attractive at the beginning of the relationship. Most of you are giving him generic responses like "build your confidence" and "be more emotionally understanding." I don't think that's the problem otherwise she wouldn't have been attracted to his personality.

I don't think that the original poster was especially concerned about whether or not she found him attractive 9 months ago. I think he is worried that she doesn't find him attractive NOW, and what that might mean about the status of the relationship.

I could be wrong, though.

[NeoSeminole]

vashti, their relationship is doomed. I was giving the OP advice that would benefit him in future relationships.

[DoesntMatter]

OP, post a pic and I'll tell you whether or not I find you sexually attractive

[Gigabitch]

Oh, please. First you have to post a pic of a guy you think is attractive, DM.

[ExpoNovak]

Ok hold on...wait a second...

You could be 300lbs, have bad acne, and be bald and if she was in love with you then you would be the most attractive man on earth to her.

Sure, you could work out and take other steps to make yourself more physically appealing, but if you aren't grossly overweight and don't feel that you are unattractive, why go to such lengths for someone who doesn't appreciate you the way you are right now?

Yeah, the passion fades but unless you guys are really young and this is your first real relationshp surely she is already acquainted with this fact. I'm of the opinion that the very fact that she TOLD you this demonstrates enough disrespect to derail the relationship.

[Mathias]

Ok hold on...wait a second...

You could be 300lbs, have bad acne, and be bald and if she was in love with you then you would be the most attractive man on earth to her.

Sure, you could work out and take other steps to make yourself more physically appealing, but if you aren't grossly overweight and don't feel that you are unattractive, why go to such lengths for someone who doesn't appreciate you the way you are right now?

Yeah, the passion fades but unless you guys are really young and this is your first real relationshp surely she is already acquainted with this fact. I'm of the opinion that the very fact that she TOLD you this demonstrates enough disrespect to derail the relationship.

Who is this guy? Best poster I've seen in a while.

[Junket]

Who is this guy?

Oh, that's my pizza guy.

I'll make sure to tip him well next time.

[Only-virgins]

Why anyone would stick around with someone in a relationships or begin one in the first place with someone who they are not attracted to is beyond me. I guess it is the same people who make relationships sound like some kind of a lame business arrangement.

[Tedel]

I was about to post "you need more seduction and a little more foreplay", but Grk... said it much better.

I consider nine months of relationship as something that's just starting, maybe she's a little into that thinking too.

[honeylou]

I would think this is bit of a wake-up call. If she's telling you this now then at least you know there's something wrong and you have a chance to try and change things, instead of just ending things now.

Attraction is a funny thing. I'm really attracted to my bf because of his personality, his alpha maleness (cockiness ;-) yes) and confidence. He's average looking by my books, but something about him really does it for me, stands out. My ex, was really handsome, probably one of the best looking guys I've ever seen but less assertive, but it didn't work out. So good looks aren't that important and I'm more attracted to me now bf by far by the way his personality is.

If your personality and 'just you in general' was enough for her to ask you out in the first place she obviously thinks highly of you. You just need that passion. Woman need that passion constantly. You are probably in a rut. They need men to be manly and to desire them. As much as I used to love being with my ex sitting with him and watching Desperate Housewives which he liked to do (this is really more of a girly thing). My now bf likes fast cars... This is kind of hot no? Going on a track with him? Ok, so this doesn't happen every day but women need more spontaneity. It's probably her calling out for you to tell her how hot she is and how attractive you find her!!

Especially if she says she never really sees guys she is attracted to... I used to be like this. I used to think that men have to be gorgeous like male models, for me to lose my breath and find highly attractive... but it's not true. I grew out of this. I got hot over men who just have that attractive personality and makes me feel desired. It's the way someone 'looks' at you. That animal look? It's how the guy makes you feel. It's probably not that she never finds guys attractive, it's probably because no guy has tried to make her feel super attractive!

Give it a go. I'm saying people can change their personality overnight, but make her feel attractive. Touch her in a suggestive/ sexual way. Tell her how hot she looks in her nightie... Take her out and get her to get dressed up and then take it all off at the end of the night? Don't overdo it though and end up coming off needy and pushy. I find some guys overdo it with the compliments and hair stroking which just gets annoying. Say or do things when she doesn't expect it. Jump her my dear! Bring her flowers... Buy her lingerie or take her lingerie shopping... Liven it up!

Also, it helps if you have some outside 'cool' hobbies, so you're not just spending time on the sofa or obsessing about this. Take her with you - do some activity that has close intimate contact.... like salsa dancing or whatever is your thing?

Hope it works out for you!

[honeylou]

Sorry, that was I'm 'not' saying people can change their personality overnight.... :-)