Something doesn't feel right....

[Petit Papillon]

Some short briefing Ladies and Gentleman? It can be usefull to squeeze some extra money from your partners

[Kaius]

wow some interesting insights... much appreciated nonetheless.

She is not a gold-digging motivated person. I know she genuinely loves me and wants to spend her life with me. The predicaments happened several months into our relationship, and she has been in a desperate situation since. I need to help her, even if it's to my own detriment. I have set aside enough cushion for my kids, so nothing is taken away from them. I am not frivolous with my spending. I just want to make her happy, and not worried. But I have to say, to a certain extent, she is detached from reality. She is not impressed by wealth or bling. She's a punk-rock, tattooed gothic no-bs woman. She is genuine...no hidden agenda. I am a nerdy accountant who over-thinks about everything. For some reason, we are so compatible in every way. The topic of money was really never present in our relationship until recently. I have to be honest with her, and suggest postponing our wedding. Life is not all about money, but money is necessary in our society. I just have to suck it up and make more of it. It's a challenge that I am willing to face. I know this may sound stupid to many people, but people do stupid things for love. I just pray that things improve in the upcoming months.

[sookie6]

Noone is forcing you to marry her though and if she is a punk free spirited woman she won't push it...anyway I know the drill you've been brain-washed, I've seen it happen before...you are in the middle of the honey moon period, too much sex not enough thinking...also you are fueled by the male pride of providing for your 'female' and a sense of competition with the ex 'deadbeat ' husband who is having the intelligence of making the most of your candide outlook...

Good luck and brush up on your accounting skills you'll need to work long hours to support 2 wives + 2 set of kids...

[xxazurexx]

Well....I still say cut off the money supply and see what happens.

We are aware you love her, but honestly...you don't have to shove money down a womans throat and in order to prove your love. And I'm thinking that if she loved you half as much as you think, she wouldn't take your money the way she does. Know I wouldn't take, take take from a guy I loved anyway. I'd be out there earning my keep and contributing to this relationship.

[Petit Papillon]

What is the big deal with such expensive engagement rings. Jesus. One for dunno 1k would be enough. She's not a freaking Britney Spears or Jennifer Lopez to swim in diamonds . If she would be a good woman and understanding one, she would say" You helped me enough, sell this ring back ,you don't have to prove me your love in that way" .

[xxazurexx]

Do you know how much my engagement ring was? It was thirty five pounds and it had meant the world to me and as cheap as it was. I couldn't have cared less if it had fallen from a christmas cracker, it is what it signified, not how much it cost. I couldn't care less if I'm swimming in diamonds and I'd rather have love over money and possessions anyday of the week.

I still say test her. Give her the chance to prove her love and by cutting off her financial supply.

I'd also do what Petit said. In that I'd be understanding and hand the ring back. But then it's a ring I wouldn't have accepted in the first place....not at that phenonemal cost. I'd go crazy if any guy spent that much money on me and I'd have made him return it!!

[Petit Papillon]

Of course I would accept it if my bf were Brad Pitt earning few millions a year . Ok even few hundreds of thousands euro a year . Why? Because he could AFFORD it. But if he would be struggling financially atm I would know his forehead with my finger and told him to go and give it back . Such things are for people who can afford it. If you will wear a 20k diamond ring but will sleep under the bridge, nobody will even think that this ring is real hehe. They will think you won it at a lottery for 2 euros

[Kaius]

Of course I would accept it if my bf were Brad Pitt earning few millions a year . Ok even few hundreds of thousands euro a year . Why? Because he could AFFORD it. But if he would be struggling financially atm I would know his forehead with my finger and told him to go and give it back . Such things are for people who can afford it. If you will wear a 20k diamond ring but will sleep under the bridge, nobody will even think that this ring is real hehe. They will think you won it at a lottery for 2 euros

It's not that I couldn't afford the ring. In fact, it's the least of my concerns. I'm worried about the constant bleeding of money due to her situation. $20k is less than 2 months salary, and I didn't even need financing. I can do fine if everyone does his/her part, but indeed I'm not in the position to support ex, my kids, her, and her kids. I mean, what if I lost my job again? Even if I got her a $100 ring, my frustration wouldn't be any less because the ring is but a drop in the bucket in the grand scheme of things. I'm not broke, but I will be if I don't get back on track soon.

[vashti]

Why is everyone blaming this woman? She is only doing what she has been allowed to do, and probably has no idea he is in this financial bind.. This is all Kauis' fault.

[sookie6]

Why is everyone blaming this woman? She is only doing what she has been allowed to do, and probably has no idea he is in this financial bind.. This is all Kauis' fault.

I agree with you to some extent Vash but it takes two for a relationship and as a gfriend/fiancee a woman should be receptive to her partner's concern...I don't believe that she is not aware of the financial burden she has created for him since she has apologized for it in the past...so yes he's guilty 100 % for being too generous or maybe too proud to admit he can't afford all these spendings...I suspect from what Kaius said that money has never been a problem before and that he was always 'the provider 'in a relationship and to admit to himself or his partner that he is not as well off as it seems is difficult step...does he fear deep inside that she might not love him as much..

Also he is talking about lower pay for his current job but I'm pretty sure it's very decent, just lower than before...so a comfortable living will be possible if all take responsibility...it starts by not going on holiday and not paying for an expensive ring...yes you can pay for these things outright but would it not be more reasonable to save this money, be it for emergency purposes or for YOUR children's future....????

Kaius you're a very kind gentleman but don't take on too much...you need to draw a line at some point.

[Petit Papillon]

It's not that I couldn't afford the ring. In fact, it's the least of my concerns. I'm worried about the constant bleeding of money due to her situation. $20k is less than 2 months salary, and I didn't even need financing. I can do fine if everyone does his/her part, but indeed I'm not in the position to support ex, my kids, her, and her kids. I mean, what if I lost my job again? Even if I got her a $100 ring, my frustration wouldn't be any less because the ring is but a drop in the bucket in the grand scheme of things. I'm not broke, but I will be if I don't get back on track soon.

20K is A LOT for a mortal person. A LOT. 2 months salary is A LOT. So don't complain about money when you really don't watch out for how you spend your money. This ring just shows that your accounting skills are somewhere killed and laying in a plastic bag in the bottom of the sea. And your fiance is not very helpful so blame yourself and her.

[Kaius]

Well I had a talk with her last night, as she could see that I was getting worn down. She has always been aware of my situation, but she believed that I could dig myself out very soon. I told her we have to be very conserving in the next 12 months while I find a new job. She suggested that I move in with her soon so I can save on rent, and we can save money by eating at home and not dining out. She explained that she only accepted help from me because she believed in me. She demanded, for now, until I get back on track, that we will not do/buy anything extravagant. We take care of our necessities only, and that's it. She is perfectly happy just having sex and watching TV with me. It was me who expected more....and wanted more for her. She is right. I have been putting pressure on myself and she never asked for all this. We have a clear understanding.... and we are happy that it's all out in the open.

[IncognitoSir]

Well....I still say cut off the money supply and see what happens.

We are aware you love her, but honestly...you don't have to shove money down a womans throat and in order to prove your love. And I'm thinking that if she loved you half as much as you think, she wouldn't take your money the way she does. Know I wouldn't take, take take from a guy I loved anyway. I'd be out there earning my keep and contributing to this relationship.

That's the problem. Why would she accept ALL this money from you, while she clearly can see how bad your situation has become? I have to question rather she is a gold digger or not and how much she care about you. If she loved you, she wouldn't allow you to keep providing this fantasy lifestyle for her.

[girl68]

I'll bet she's already half way planned her 100K wedding. If I got a 20K ring I'd be planning an equally lavish wedding. I didn't even come close therefore my wedding planning consists mainly of bargaining the shit out of vendors.

Either way, you're totally crazy for shelling out cash like it was no big deal- when it clearly was.

[MerryH]

She demanded, for now, until I get back on track, that we will not do/buy anything extravagant.

Wow, what a noble sacrifice she's made for you. No more vacations and extravagant purchases? Man, that's rough. All she has left is your credit card and the cleaning service you pay for. That poor, poor woman. At least, thank goodness, she doesn't have to do something beneath her like get a job and pay her own rent.