I Miss My Wife

[Petit Papillon]

Yeah, you probably have no choice then .

[Charlie Boy II]

I would think you would miss your kid more. Someone who sees their child once a month is no parent. Sorry, I hadn't realized this was your situation. I feel bad for your kids (both posters).

that's exactly what I was thinking. You're bitching because you have to go see your own son once a month and that means less time with your new wife. I hate hearing of parents that devote all their emotional energy to new romantic relationships at the expense of their kids' needs. Makes me so glad my parents stayed together.

[IndiReloaded]

We are planning to move, but it's just not feasible right now. Wife's in school, can't afford out ouf state tuition once we move. Ex and son are also moving, so we need to see where they settle first before we decide exactly where we're moving to.

And I do miss him.

So why don't you move closer to your son and travel to see your wife on weekends? Lots of couples without children manage this, and it would provide motivation to move that much sooner.

You are putting your wife ahead of your son. Sorry, but that is just terrible.

[misombra]

Daddy's got a new family now.

[IndiReloaded]

At least he sees his child. He is married, do you think his wife wants to move? properly not and she shouldn't have too. Its not just himself he needs to think off.

You're an idiot. You think that is a good argument for his kid? "Well, at least I see you once a month--better than nothing"

He had his kid before he had his new wife. HIA, you have put your new wife ahead of your son. Not cool.

[MaidenMinx]

As the daughter of an absent father I commend you for seeing your child as often as you do. I will also follow up with does your son know he can call you whenever he needs to? Are you his buddy? Do you know what his interests are and who his friends are? Do you know the name of his school teacher?

If you answer yes to all these questions you are doing a great job.

I would also like to address everyone calling your fathering skills into question, do you think we as parents have the right to teach our children that happiness is unimportant? This is basically what you are asking him to do. There is no point 'doing for the kids' if it is going to make you miserable. Parents who practice complete selflessness usually raise kids that have no concept of looking after the self. Not exactly a good thing.

[IndiReloaded]

Oh Bullshit. Is there a single adult who actually thinks that it would have been okay to have seen their parent only once a month growing up?

Let me think of some acceptable reasons:

1. Dad was stationed overseas in Afghanistan
2. Dad is an astronaut doing a 3 month stint on the ISS
3. Dad would rather get to see his new wife/family everyday than me....

Ya. Not so much w/the latter, I think.

Whatever, MM. I suppose you are a single parent, so you need to self-justify. But tell me: would YOU only see your child once a month?

[Charlie Boy II]

Right, so when my girlfriend's mum ruined my girlfriend's teenage years by moving in a douche bag sleaze and focusing all her energy on that shitty relationship, she was merely teaching my girlfriend that happiness is important? Riiiiight.

[MaidenMinx]

Wow!! What a bunch of suppositions.

I am NOT a single parent. My husband and I have worked very hard on making sure WE have a happy relationship so we can teach our boy how to be a happy devoted partner and parent.

My parents had me when they were 17. They were married when mum was 6 months pregnant with me and were divorced by the time I was 2. My mum was a devoted parent, my dad was a distant one. It has taken me a long time to forgive my dad for not being there as much as liked. I realised young it was foolish to dream of them being together but I did dream of some consistency from my dad. The consistency is what I applaud HIA for.

And I have also witnessed the damaged caused when parents stay together 'strictly until the children grow up'. The children are just as devastated by the break up, sometimes more so because it destroys their adult idea of stability. Sacrificing personal happiness for the sake of the family is honourable but just as destructive as divorcing for the sake of happiness. Most children would rather be the product of a broken home, than live in one.

[Wakeup]

Wow... what a hornets nest just because a guy posts that he misses his gal.

I do believe HIA said before he can move close to his son, he needs to wait to see where his son and his son's mother are moving to. I don't think it's easy in this economy to be uprooting every year or so. Jobs are'nt that easy to come by.

I'm thinking that his son is just fine and totally looks forward to Dad's consistant and loving visits.

I'm also thinking that there's a lot of mountains being made out of mole hills in this thread. I'm usually the first one to go mid-evil on an absent, unloving parent. In this case I don't see proof of any of that.

[IndiReloaded]

As the daughter of an absent father

Single parent, certainly at least past tense as you are VERY newly married or is your husband the father of your child?

[MaidenMinx]

Right, so when my girlfriend's mum ruined my girlfriend's teenage years by moving in a douche bag sleaze and focusing all her energy on that shitty relationship, she was merely teaching my girlfriend that happiness is important? Riiiiight.

That's not what I said. Sounds like in that case she did the opposite and taught your gf that men are more important than anything, which is just as bad as 2 biological parents staying together 'for the kids' when they are miserable with each other.

[MaidenMinx]

Single parent, certainly at least past tense as you are VERY newly married or is your husband the father of your child?

As the daughter of an absent father meant I am a daughter and my father was absent not I am a single parent. How the hell did you mix that up.

And just to say it again, my husband is my fathers son. We are newly married (less than a month) BUT we have been together 8 years. Our son is very happy, and we are very happy with each other. We are both aware that this happiness isn't just a given and we have to work at making sure we stay happy.

Jesus, I can't believe I am having to 'defend' myself because I had the gall to say that a father was making the best of a bad situation. Oh and I also had the gall to say that children can be raised better by parents that are no longer together than parents that stay miserable and together. Oh gawd! How dare I have an opinion. /end sarcasm

[IndiReloaded]

The children are just as devastated by the break up, sometimes more so because it destroys their adult idea of stability. Sacrificing personal happiness for the sake of the family is honourable but just as destructive as divorcing for the sake of happiness. Most children would rather be the product of a broken home, than live in one.

No. All this teaches the child is that his/her parent's happiness is more important than theirs. Its the ultimate in selfish. Responsible parents can certainly choose to be happy for the duration it takes to responsibly raise a child to adulthood. Or, if living together is absolutely not an option then the parents should ensure they are close by to share parenting responsibilities. In fact, most judges today will not allow a parent to move more than a certain distance away from the child unless they give up their custody rights. What kind of parent would do that, I cannot imagine.

This is exactly what is wrong with our society today. No commitment to the longterm good. People would rather believe a self-serving expert who tells them that *maybe* their kids will be "okay" with a divorce. Hell if I would take the chance that any child of mine would maybe be just "okay". How about maximizing the chance the kids are happy and successful, not gambling on it so to satisfy one's own selfish desires. Particularly at a point in life when those kinds of things should already be out of their system.

[IndiReloaded]

As the daughter of an absent father meant I am a daughter and my father was absent not I am a single parent. How the hell did you mix that up.

And just to say it again, my husband is my fathers son. We are newly married (less than a month) BUT we have been together 8 years. Our son is very happy, and we are very happy with each other. We are both aware that this happiness isn't just a given and we have to work at making sure we stay happy.

Jesus, I can't believe I am having to 'defend' myself because I had the gall to say that a father was making the best of a bad situation. Oh and I also had the gall to say that children can be raised better by parents that are no longer together than parents that stay miserable and together. Oh gawd! How dare I have an opinion. /end sarcasm

Well, then I feel sorry you went through this experience. But you have answered my question: YOU aren't seeing your child once a month. Would you ever do this? Perhaps more to the point: did you enjoy not seeing your father? Is it what you would have chosen, given the choice? I doubt it.

Why don't you ask your husband if he would ever agree to such an arrangement?