Started as a joke and ended as a drama (long)

[remorseful]

I totally understand that you never meant to hurt anyone and things got way out of hand.You said that you invented this character but its not like you had a ghost writer.Everything you said even though you say some was a lie still came from you.
The fun interesting person that they saw was you.Do you understand what i mean?Dont sell yourself short.
Im very sorry that you found someone special that way.I really hope she will be able to see the real you and forgive you for causing her pain even though you never intended too.
You sound like a very intelligent,loving,well spoken person,theres no need for you to be someone else...

Thank you lady... your words are very kind! The funny thing is that I never intended to be someone else...at least not at the beginning... the character that I created was not supposed to replace the real me (if that makes sense)... it was just supposed to be some kind of extra time in my life being other, I have always been a social and outgoing guy with a more or less happy life... I guess the last months some insecurities kicked in and I thought creating that character could be just fun and being someone else for some small time would be somehow therapeutic .... I never expected the consequences that came with it.
She has forgiven me, I know she has and that only makes me admire her and love her more for it... but she doesn't love me and I knew that would be like that from the beginning... I invented a game of love where I knew I could not win from the beginning
She actually was kind enough to offer me to be her friend (even after how I hurt her)... but I could not be just her friend... So after she was kind enough to tend me her hand with a friendship offer I had to reject her. (I feel like a cruel man now)

No - I actually meant her. You have met this girl in real life, haven't you? I mean, you see her at work pretty much every day. Yours is just a crush, it happens. I meant that if she developed feelings for your alter-ego (which she had obviously never met), then she is likely to have some sort of psychological issue, that you have no responsibility for.

I'm glad you're on your way to "recovery" from this infatuation :-).

Yes I understand that you meant her but it is probably because you didn't understand that I have also not met her in real life either (she lives in Italy and I live in The Netherlands, we were totally random people in the internet when we met in that internet site).... everyday millions of people meet online and some of them get real love stories (LRD kind of love stories) with real feelings on them. You don't need to have psychological issues to love someone who you have not met in real life, it is actually very common. While I understand that you try to say that till you meet someone in real life you can't not know if those feelings are real, the feelings feel very real for those who speak, email and text with a person everyday, many times per hour and physical intimacy can be replaced (well not totally replaced but simulated if you want) with other kinds of intimacy (pictures, messages about sex and love, etc).

Thank you for your good wishes... Today is the first day of the rest of my life, I once had a happy life and I am working on getting back to that situation. I know I have to work on myself and understand better why did I ever search for external validation by being another person. I have booked some time with a Therapist and I hope he will be able to help me with that.

Again, thank you very much because you have been a good support when I needed it... it is funny how someone you don't know, a random person in the internet can be of so much help specially like in my case you don't have anyone to talk about this in real life (I of course have friends but this is so out of character they would be on shock if I would tell them) You were that person so thank you!

The thing is man if you would met her in real life it would be real sucky date cause you was much cooler online than real life. Anyway you are able to recreate this in real life after year when feelings comes down. The thing is you created this rockstar dude and he were excatly who you wanted to be in that moment. Because you gave him permision. And thats what love is - being exactly who you want to be in the moment. And you can recieve only so much love as you believe you deserve. Women are giving that much love as much you are taking.

You know some people go to nighclubs to have fun and its easy cause they allow themself to be free. But thing is its possible to give yourself permision anywhere - even outside in daylight. Your place were online. Once you learn to accept yourself just like you accepted that rockstar, life is gona be dream for you. Made your own story, its your life !

loveforum.net/threads/78863-Are-you-living-YOUR-life


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I never intended to recreate the Rock Star character in real life in a date, I know that would have not worked... but I dreamed she would love the real me and she would be able to enjoy the real me. That is what happen when someone lives in a dream ... you always have to wake up and my waking up was extremely painful.

I get what you say... if you love yourself people will love you. I Know! Believe me I have no problems interacting with others or meeting new people and definitely not problems at all loving myself (I think I sometimes love myself too much! ). That was not the problem... It all begun as a joke... a charade... and it devoured me and that is what I need to understand. Why did I get to that situation and how I allowed everything that came after to happen.

Thank you very much for the link to that post! It is really helpful and provide a totally different dimension to my issue. Sometimes we tend to think that our problems are unique and no one will understand you or be able to give you a good advise about that concrete situation...

[searock]

Yes I understand that you meant her but it is probably because you didn't understand that I have also not met her in real life either (she lives in Italy and I live in The Netherlands, we were totally random people in the internet when we met in that internet site)

Oops my bad, I had you confused with another poster (he confessed his feelings to a co-worker via the internet, but she doesn't reciprocate).

everyday millions of people meet online and some of them get real love stories (LRD kind of love stories) with real feelings on them. You don't need to have psychological issues to love someone who you have not met in real life, it is actually very common.

I know that it's very common, we get threads like this every day. This doesn't mean it's a healthy thing to do IMO... I mean, you cannot really love a person that you've never met in real life. You can become friends of course, but love... you need to see them, smell them, feel them, in order to do that.

Thank you for your good wishes... Today is the first day of the rest of my life, I once had a happy life and I am working on getting back to that situation. I know I have to work on myself and understand better why did I ever search for external validation by being another person. I have booked some time with a Therapist and I hope he will be able to help me with that.

I'm really happy for you. You are on the right track :-). Good luck!

[remorseful]

Again a new update... She contacted me asking me some things we had pending and finally after some new difficulties... we decide to give a try to be friends but lowering amount of contact and the level of intimacy of that contact... I still don't know how this will end up but even when the contact is there I still feel I can move on and I am moving on.
Lately I had focused too much into my work and now I am trying to give a step back and focus in my social life, I have made various appointments with friends and colleagues to do fun things (concerts, dinners, watch a football match, cinema and going out, etc)... I think seeing that she has moved on so fast has also helped me to move on... I am a very proud person (maybe not a good trait to have but here it has helped me) and I don't like to think of myself like the weak loser who was not able to move on.
I have had a good weekend, I have enjoy the company of the people who love me and I am continuing working on bettering myself...