Whats his problem?

[Gigabitch]

vashti, you might be correct. I may be projecting my own issues onto him. However, in my defense I can relate to how another man thinks better than you. The OP mentioned that her fiancee said he feels like she's settling down with him. Normally, this is understood to mean (at least to me) the woman is not maintaining her physical attractiveness.

No, no, no. She said he thought she was settling for him, like she had given up on finding true passion and just was with him because he was the father of her child. He thinks she doesn't really want him.

[jurupa]

nukka please! She can most certainly control her weight after pregnancy. Having a baby is no excuse to be out of shape for 2 yrs. I can understand where the fiancee is coming from. He feels that she's already settling down with him, and they aren't even married yet. It doesn't matter how many times she tells him that she loves him. Her procrastination to lose weight doesn't exactly quell his doubts. As for cigar smoking, I agree that it's a bad habit. However, it can't be much worse than watching the beautiful woman that you fell in love with become overweight.

Uh in case you didn't know most females can not loose the baby fat once they give birth.

[NeoSeminole]

Giga, where do you gather that her fiancee feels like the OP has given up on finding passion? Nowhere does she mention that in her post. Just curious.

jurupa, that's not true. Anyone can lose weight if they wanted. I lost 30 lbs in 3 months through diet and exercise. Now I'm not saying that everyone should be like me. However, 2 yrs is plenty of time to get back into shape after giving birth.

[Junket]

Uh in case you didn't know most females can not loose the baby fat once they give birth.

Yeah dude, that is so untrue.

My sister did it 3 times now.

She's a slut...but she lost the weight all 3 times.

It's just a matter of determination.

[The Great OV!!!]

If he wants her to lose weight he can open his mouth and tell her instead of sticking a cigar in it.

[Gigabitch]

Giga, where do you gather that her fiancee feels like the OP has given up on finding passion? Nowhere does she mention that in her post. Just curious.

Because that's what "settling for" means.

[NeoSeminole]

errrrr, no. That's one possible example of settling down.

[vashti]

Maybe they use a different expression for "settling for someone" in Florida, neo. Giga and I interpreted it the same way.

Anyway, it looks like this girl ran away from us.

[NeoSeminole]

no, it's b/c you're both women. I guarantee if you asked a bunch of men what comes to mind when they hear a woman settled down with a guy, the majority will say that she let herself go in appearance. Very few will tell you "she gave up on finding passion."

[vashti]

he tells me that he thinks i am just settleing for him, and that i just THINK i need to be with him because of our son.

Are we reading the same sentence, neo? This is the portion Giga and I are referring to.

[NeoSeminole]

Misslissa says:

"I said to him, ... "i love you"

"I tell him all the time that i love him"

"We had a date planned for next year to go on a cruise and get married there"

"I love him."

vashti, it doesn't sound to me like a lack of passion on her part. She also mentions that she hasn't lost any weight since her pregnancy 2 yrs ago. I could be totally wrong, but I gathered from her post that her fiancee doesn't feel attracted to her anymore.

[Glyph]

That's truly the beautiful thing about getting together with someone for something other than looks. I mean, hey, I'm not saying they totally "don't matter" - I know they do. But one day, if it's not fat, it's crows feet and wrinkles and sagging boobs and all the other things that happen with the progression of time. No woman will be a youthful, radiant tulip until the day she dies.

Concerned about a lover's health? Sure, I can totally see that. But there's something that grates on my nerves about, "God, ugh, she's just *letting* herself *go*." Do you love her or not? Is she the same person or not? Maybe some encouragement or help, rather than disdain, is good.

The dude in question isn't doing that. It sounds like she's being a timid flower about the whole deal, but he's also not being upfront. He should really drop the hint-throwing and just come out and say "I don't want to be with you" or "I think we've lost whatever we had." She's the one that obviously still wants to work on things; he doesn't seem like he could give a rat's ass.

If something has changed for him, then HE needs to be the one 'fessing up.

[The Great OV!!!]

I guess that is why you have to get with someone before time takes its toll. Then ditch them when they get the sagging boobs.

[jurupa]

I guess that is why you have to get with someone before time takes its toll. Then ditch them when they get the sagging boobs.

I guess you have not heard of implants.

[Gigabitch]

Having babies changes relationship dynamics. It freaks people out.

I heard something interesting a while back. My daughter's principal told me that most divorces happen after two years or after 25 years. Two years is when the babies start to come and 25 years is when they finally all leave the nest. Fascinating, no?