Girlfreind wants to start over?

[smackie9]

Like I said, you didn't ask "So how long ago was your break up?"

[Hopelessheart]

No I usually don't ask questions like that...judging from my experience here, maybe I will from here on out

[4blossoms]

Hi Hopelessheart,

I think you need to talk things out with this girl instead of talking to the people at the forum here. Does your gf want to date other people or does she simply want more space to pursue other hobbies, etc? That is a big difference. If she wants to date other guys but keep you around then that is not fair, but if she just wants more alone time to take care of her own stuff then she is someone twho needs more personal space.

You mentioned that you talk everyday. I would exit that kind of relationship in a heartbeat. I only like meeting up with someone I am dating just once a week with maybe a conversation in between. Any more than that and I'd probably suffocate.

Talking everyday can be suffocating for a free spirited person.

[Hopelessheart]

I really think its a little of both...I tried talking to her over the last 2 weeks, I saw her twice during this period, once on a Saturday for a few hours & another time for about an hour because I needed to pick up my car. One night she blew me off by saying she was tired & did not want to come over to my place stating she was tired, I thought nothing of it. Until she was busy the whole next week, but it wasn't just projects, she was out with friends bar hopping. I do not care if that is what she wants to do but over the course of the last three weeks, she is simply not making any effort or time for me. As far as talking every day, she never complained & seemed to like that I took an interest in her. I didn't think I was smothering at all because sometimes we wouldn't talk that much through the day.

I do think she has someone else she may be seeing as well, that I didn't know about until a few days ago. There is a new guy on her Facebook that comments & likes everything she posts about no more than 5 mins after she posts it. No I was not fb stalking but when I'd check my fb and saw posts from her, I saw his name always there.

She asked to maybe go back to taking it slow & I agreed. I asked about dating others (I cannot handle this) & she said it should not be set in stone to not date other people, as she did not want the title of bf/gf or relationship, as it's too heavy for her

Yes she wants more time for projects she has but it just seems like she is over the relationship & me. I felt like any suggestion I had fell on def ears and after every phone conversation she would say her & I were fine. Obviously we weren't. I did tell her the last time I talked to her to work out her issues & projects, that when she was done I'd be there & she nearly cried. She also said that she wants to work herself to the point of exhaustion & be alone, I get it she is done with the relationship, I tried harder to work things out with her than anyone else. Ever.

So as it stands right now I think I have exhausted all of my options & NC is best. I can have a clear head, knowing I gave my best shot. I love her like no other before & it hurts to let go but it's the chance I have to take. I do not want this at all. I hate feeling this way actually. Wanting something you can't have is awful. I would love for everything to be ok, but I feel chances of that are next to none now & I'm just trying to get back to me & focus on life. If it was meant to be, it will be.

4blossoms thanks for the different perspective on my situation! ��

[Hopelessheart]

I must add that I always left it up to her for when she sees or doesn't see me...I gave her alot of space & free thinking over the course of the relationship...

[smackie9]

Suffocated? I think she is feed ya a bunch of bull shit.

[Hopelessheart]

Lol, smackie9, I would believe you are correct...she came over to my place almost everyday, I didn't ask her to. Basically I'd get a text saying, "so would you like some company?"

So I'm punished because she is burnt out? She is just burnt out on me, as she hasn't been home any day this week really other than to sleep & yet I was told she wanted to be home at her apt. More...yeah

[smackie9]

Well there you have it then. Some people just don't have a spine to just be honest so they either put the blame on you or they do the "It's not you, it's me" excuse......totally lame.

[Hopelessheart]

Yeah I wish she had a valid reason besides the I dont want a relationship. It frustrates the hell out me & I just would love to have her be honest & not all the bullshit. So I guess it is what it is & according to her she is super honest about everything...I think she is lying about being honest too...I just can't deal with her garbage anylonger, I love her & I know I tried where she gave up.

[Hopelessheart]

I would say that the "it's not you, it's me" works in this instance as it really is her & not knowing what she truly wants in life. Free spirit, fine, but if she keeps on the way she is she will continue to be sad & alone. Idk anyone really who just wakes up one day & decides to completely change thier life/attitude...bi-polar?

[smackie9]

No, some peoples feelings don't progress or they just fade. Everyone gets excited about a relationship in the beginning, and I'm sure she did, but it could have turned out to be just infactuation rather than love. Like I said you were a rebound,.... you got the shitty end of the break up. She just wasn't emotionally ready. I know you are bitter about this, but this is just part of life....there are no guarantees when it comes to love and relationships.

[Hopelessheart]

Yeah I just don't know...it's just I'm bitter because I'm an attractive, great guy who would go to the end of the earth for the girl he loves. I always get the bad end of the stick, no girl appreciates what I have to offer & it's tiresome to always start over. Wash, rinse, repeat...I am never an ass to them, maybe I should be & would get more respect in the long run, with that being said, I'm definitely not a push over with how I am currently. Clarity is here & has been, that's the problem...

[Millie]

Yeah I just don't know...it's just I'm bitter because I'm an attractive, great guy...

Even if you do say so yourself, huh? Just kidding! Seriously Hopeless, being an ass won't get you respect and I think you know that, and it certainly won't help you find the girl out there who will love and respect you for who you are. I can understand why you're feeling a bit bitter and twisty right now but let that pass, it's really this girl's loss, and it seems she kinda already knows that. When you do meet the girl who appreciates how AWESOME you are and doesn't split - and I have no doubt you will - you'll be thanking this girl for leaving.

[Hopelessheart]

Well all is lost now anyway...I sent a message to her on Facebook to please take the butterfly down in her station (she is a stylist) that I got her for her birthday if her & I are truly done. I got back mean messages asking if I wanted to upset her at work (I didn't know she was still at work). She said yeah she will take it down & "fine then we're done"

She deleted me on Facebook & I got to talk to her. She told me she cannot continue a relationship & leave me in limbo as it's not fair to me. I asked her if she meant just not being with me & she said no she doesn't want anything with anyone & to get the notation that there is someone else out of my head as why would she want another guy when she had a great one who treats her great & has been nothing but amazing all around. After I told her how I felt about the way she has been acting towards me & how I feel in general, she wound up crying & that she did not want to continue talking on the phone.
I guess in someways I was completely wrong & should have not acted the way I did & maybe let it ride...

[toknow]

Ultimately, if you're with someone you truly love, NOTHING keeps you apart. NOTHING.

Very true!