He's ignoring me after treating me like a queen!

[Nybeauty02]

Wow, I am getting slammed here lol.

I treated him so well. Cared about him so much. No I never ever thought I was better than him. It was me sitting on the phone crying telling him I wanted to be with him FOR WHO HE IS. Up until this point, I thought he was one of the most emotionally healthy people I knew. I really don't think he thinks I'm better than him...I think HE was the one insecure over it.

And you're wrong - I could never ever ignore someone like that. I don't know how he can listen to crying voicemails of me and not call me back. Don't his actions clearly say he doesn't give a sh*t about me?

[Gribble]

Can someone explain why seemingly intelligent young women who have degrees and jobs consistently date deadbeats who have neither and are shocked, shocked, when their deadbeat lovers treat them as sexual playthings and toss them aside on a mercurial whim?

You shouldn't be with people for WHO THEY ARE, you should be with them for who they are striving to become. Don't be ashamed to expect something more from your partners. You busted your ass through college. You bust your ass at work every day. You deserve someone who has done likewise, who can think on your level, who can, if marriage is ever on the horizon, contribute to providing for a good, safe livelihood for both you and your offspring. Show some goddamn pride. Show some goddamn taste. I'm so sick of seeing otherwise intelligent women with mind-bogglingly stupid, go-nowhere guys who are all flash and no substance.

WHY do you women want that!? What the HELL is wrong with you? Don't get me wrong. I'm not jealous. I exploit that myself. Oh how I exploit it. But why in the hell does it work so well?? How am I supposed to respect women when they're all a bunch of gullible rubes with not one iota of self-respect?

[Nybeauty02]

Huh? Listen Gripple, I'm 25 years old...I know when a relationship is based on 1 thing and 1 thing only. This wasn't one of those times.

[Gribble]

Do you really?

Or did you find someone who knows what to say and how to say it? People who want more than just sex don't plow you one night and disappear the next, dear.

[VincenzoG91]

Wow, I am getting slammed here lol.

I'm not slamming you. Years ago, I dated a meth addict. At first, I was clueless. Then I wanted to save her. Finally, after huge hassles, I realized that I couldn't change her if she didn't want to change. And I could waste years and keep getting burned. But that was us. Your situation is different. It does seem clear that you two are very different people, and maybe it took six weeks for that to become more clear.

[girl68]

Ignoring someone is the most hostile thing someone can do? Wow, you really were sheltered sweetheart.

[Nybeauty02]

First of all, I just want to make a few things clear.

This was not a purely sexual relationship. We didn't even start off having sex.

Second, girl68, I'm so glad you said that. It was selfish of me to think he was ignoring me to be a jerk, right? I see now that he just has so much going on in his life. He supports his mother, his brother is in jail, he needs to help to take care of niece, his sister is always needs his 'help', he's looking for a job, he doesn't have a car, etc. And that whole time I was STILL his number 1 priority. I just think I was unsympathetic and nasty. And I'm kicking myself now.

Third, we really are not that different. I don't have a perfect home life. Just because you have money, doesn't mean you are happy. We actually fit together really well - we were so similar in personality and our likes and stuff that it was scary. Everyone loved him and everyone loved him FOR me.

Vin, I totally understand what you;re saying. If he doesn't want to change his situation, he won't. But I'm still willing to try.

Another thing I want to make clear - I can see how these posts come off. Let me just say, before the break up, I was so good to him, and he knew it, he always told me so. I just think my reaction threw him for a loop. I just don't know if the ignoring part signifies he's gone forever or just needs time. Don't worry, I stopped calling awhile ago. I also know his feelings for me were real, and now that the attempts have stopped, he will feel it. Any thoughts?

[VincenzoG91]

Give him some space. Let him make the next move. Carry on with your own life and give your thoughts some time to settle. When he finally calls you again, your gut instinct reaction at that moment will tell you a lot.

[girl68]

My thought is he's moved on and you haven't. So no, I don't think he'll "feel" it. I can atest to people with a background like yourself who date unfortunate folk like your ex. It doesn't matter what YOU say or do... it's how HE feels. Magnify that by 10 times as he's the guy who's supposed to be the one to care and provide for you. It will never work.

[Nybeauty02]

I don't know. Alot of people think this may not be as final as I think. He's not Jekyll and Hyde. He still had feelings for me Friday night, so Saturday, the feelings couldn't just evaporate.

My mother thinks I should give him about a week then send him a handwritten letter. And after that, I'll know.

[girl68]

He will never feel like he's good enough for you. Ever.

[Nybeauty02]

Vincenzo, as a man, is his ignoring mean he's gone for good? Just the night before he said he didn't want this to be final and he doesn't get over women easily. I just think he couldn't handle it with all the stress in his life.

[Nybeauty02]

But he IS good enough for me. He's MORE than good enough for me...

[VincenzoG91]

Vincenzo, as a man, is his ignoring mean he's gone for good? Just the night before he said he didn't want this to be final and he doesn't get over women easily. I just think he couldn't handle it with all the stress in his life.

I don't know. When I was younger, I usually considered a breakup to be absolutely final, and I was sometimes even obnoxious during the breakup to make sure that we wouldn't get back together. This was after a couple of painful attempts at the just-friends type of breakup. It didn't matter if I was the one doing the dumping, though it was usually the woman dumping me. My relationships back then tended to be fairly short-term, no more than a couple of months.

As I got older and more mature, my relationships tended to last longer, and the break-ups less final. The relationship with the meth addict was on-again/off-again for years, with other short-term relationships in between. My current relationship has lasted seven years, though there have been a few very brief breakups after some major arguments, mostly during the first year of the relationship.

Since he is ignoring you right now, it's hard to get any information to support a theory about why he is ignoring you. He might just be hurting, and needs time before talking to you again, and maybe wants you to feel his pain for a time. Or maybe he is trying to make a noble sacrifice so you can be happy with somebody more suitable. He could be trying to use a No Contact strategy to win you back, even though he could probably do that just by talking to you. Maybe he is getting conflicting advice from friends and just can't make up his mind.

Since you don't know and you can't get any more information at this point, I think that you should back off for now. Writing a letter sounds like something that I would do, but it's kind of a risky approach, putting all your thoughts down in writing without any feedback about how he is feeling right now. If you do write the letter, try to hold it for a day or two and then read it to yourself before sending it. Your feelings are probably running wild right now, and a little time and perspective might help.

[Nybeauty02]

I know what we had wasn't long at all. BUT it was perfect up until the point of the car breaking down. We never had any issues, or arguments. This just wasn't a deal breaker. I reacted badly, broke up with him, tried to take it back, but he was hurt already. He had said he wanted the door to be left open, that he wasn't going to move on quickly, and then ignored me.

He was never hot and cold. He never lied, or was weird or distant or shady. I can only then infer that his silence means he needs time.

I am aware sometimes guys say things during break ups they don't mean, but I don't think that was the case here. He was always very truthful. My male friend said he can't just turn into Jekyll and Hyde like that. The only thing I can do is think what he said was the truth...

I don't plan on sending the letter for at least a week. He needs time.