What is going on in his head?1

[dewilliams2]

I'd still just tell the guy you like him and you want to get a little more serious...don't worry about the other girl. She could just be an old gf or maybe its harmless and it was more like a friend picture. But if you get upset about it you'll probably chase him off....just think of her as competition if he says he is interested in expanding your relationship as well...and then keep your eye on her.

But seriously it could just be a friend...I have several female friends I'm close with and I wouldn't hesitate putting my arm around them but that doesn't mean we are having sex or anything and we say flirty stuff to each other all the time but once again we're not having sex.

[Petit Papillon]

Oh gal.... That is a HUGE red flag. See, again I'll bring my example here but... such pictures never turned innocent in the end...

[Lipp]

Facebook drama, nom nom nom.

[SirWagginston]

Pardon me if I'm remember incorrectly, but did you say that he's an ex-addict? Depending on what sorts of chemicals he was putting in his brain, it's highly possible that his senses of pleasure and reward are still screwed up. After long periods of use, people become dulled to the feeling of desire, especially sexual desire. You can only imagine what other sorts of mental confusion he may be suffering. In particular, poorly balanced emotions may be overwhelming his ability to deal with this relationship.

if this is the case, you have to just be patient. Jumping him in this scenario may shock him and/or render him uncomfortable. When you two are being intimate (in your weird platonic way), you can do yourself the most good by making known your growing urges. Move closer, and make more physical contact. Keep your eyes on him, so he can see the sparkles of desire. He will probably notice, and if you two are as "intimate" as you say, then your desire should be contagious. Even if his mind is still a mess, if he loves you a lot, then his desire to make you happy should overcome it.

And I wouldn't worry about the girl. If you want to, you can easily pry further, but you've no reason to suspect that she's anything more than a friend. For all you know, her comment about him being "love sick" could be about you.

[tropigal82]

No... they DEFINITELY were more than 'just friends.' There is one other photo of them together last summer time (before me and him got together) and they are gazing adoringly into each others eyes. Looking at that photo was just a punch in the gut. My theory is that they had a summer romance, and then it cooled off which is when me and him got together, then the week before xmas when we were MEANT to be spending the week together, he obviously saw HER again, (I can tell from his haircut that it was that time in the photo where he has his arm around her) which is the EXACT same week he started to distance himself from me and then said 'we should take two steps back.' Looking her profile page on Facebook it would seem she then went away travelling or something, as there are all these exotic photos of her, so that would explain why he was able to spend time with ME over xmas, new years eve, valentines, etc etc because she is not in the country at the moment. But also explains why he is keeping his distance physically. So this really makes me feel like sh*t, cos I feel like I'm just someone to spend time with until she gets back from her travels.

Maybe he is just really confused and as Sir Wagginston says he's only been off the drugs and alcohol for 6 weeks, he's probably got alot going thru his mind, but still I hate the feeling of being 'put on hold' while he trys to make a decision or while he waits for her to come back from Vietnam or Neverneverland or wherever.

I just keep looking at those two photos again and again and its just like a stab in the stomach everytime i look at them.

[vashti]

I don't know about this... I am not getting a good feeling. It's bad enough that the whole physical aspect to your relationship is very strange, and the possibility he is smitten with someone else, but the fact that he is a recent user (addict?) is enough to make me want to put the brakes on it all. Getting off the drugs physically is only a small part of the equation. The emotional baggage that comes along with it all takes a LOT longer to get over.

[tropigal82]

I just found out that she WORKS and LIVES in Vietnam. But I don't know for how long she will carry on living/working there. (She's British)

Either way when I next see him I am firstly going to ask him "Who is this girl by the name of...." and then I will say if he is smitten with her then he should just get on with it and fly over Vietnam to be with her once and for all instead of putting me on hold while he awaits her return in however many months or years, I'm not gonna bloody well wait around like a puppy waits for a crumb to fall from the table.

[mrtdg82]

I love facebook.... Its brilliant for things like that.

Right seeing how things have developed since then i see little point you hanging around. You know the answer to your own questions now and trying to rebuild the situation is not going to help. And what do you do if if he says he only wants you gives you those puupy dog eyes and puts his arms around you? Believe him? Because if you do i guarentee the moment you go home that day you'll be having doubts again.

Something dont tick about this guy, dont ignore the alarm bells and just ignore him for now and see if he comes chasing. When/If he does take it from there because right now you are chasing a lost cause which will only make you worse in the long run.

[tropigal82]

Yes Facebook is bloody brilliant and Its the start and the end of many relationships!!!!

Oh GOD, GOD GOD I just looked at one of HER friends photo albums and there are all these photos of them smooching and kissing and with their hands all over each other last June/August 2009, ughhhh my GOD its HORRID to look at these pics they are ALL OVER EACH OTHER (admittedly that is the same time he started texting me to ask me out, but I kept saying no, and now I wish I'd never said yes).

Ugh God this is just too awful.

[mrtdg82]

Erm need i ask.... link?

Thats because im nosey more then anything....

Id try and look on the positve side... and least you've avoided a wrongun.

[Incognito]

Unfortunately your first mistake is dating a recovering drug addict / alcoholic. Why is it that the women who are interesting and worth a damn always end up with guys like the one mentioned here? I don't fit into the "most guys" category, so I could only guess at why he is doing all of this. The fact that you two have been dating for 6 months and the pictures are so recent points to one of three things. 1. He dated her in 2009, but they broke up. End of story. 2. He dated her in 2009, but they broke up. You are his 'rebound' relationship, and he is still interested in her. 3. He is flat out cheating and is now caught. No one wins by dating a person like this. If he is recovering and still has mood problems and relapses, you need to move on. You will only end up wasting time with him and him possibly ruining your life. IF he ever finishes cleaning himself up, then you can give him another chance if you like him THAT much. Remember that there are other guys out there that will be just as charming, have friendly family members, and so on, BUT without the lies, half truths and substance abuse problems.

[tropigal82]

mrtdg82 here is a link don't know if it will work

[url=http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=2207859&id=507546029]Login | Facebook[/url]

[davidtorres]

Dude youre young and you shouldnt have a hard time looking for another guy. Isnt there anybody in the line chasing you right now? From your pictures, Im sure tons of guys is chasing you.

[mrtdg82]

It did work...

Well... could be innocent hard to tell. Some people are just outrageously flirty but given your dilemma it seems unlikely.

Either way you need to make a stand with this one. I dont care whether you are ill or not you dont go 3 days without texting someone you have been seeing for 6 months. Again thats a personal opinion and id hope that given im a similer age and from the same area id have a similer way of thinking to him (Essex lads to tend to be very similer whoever you meet). Then again i dont have a history of drink or drugs problem so who knows?

[tropigal82]

Thanks DavidTorres - I do have some guys chasing me but, not really any that take my fancy though although who knows..... I guess it's hard when your heart is so fixed on one person, I'm a Scorpio so its all or nothing for me... and when I love someone I am intensely loyal to them, I guess its just hard when the person you love isn't loyal back.

mrtdg82 Thanks for your imput. I agree - being ill is no reason not to send a simple text. Hmm. Did the link work? Did you manage to see the photos? This is the photo that was taken the week before xmas, when he obvioiusly met up with her again (while he was still seeing me!) its so hard for me to look at that. I think I will not contact him for a while, although he said he might drop by to see me on Saturday, so maybe I will confront him then.