Confused by girlfriends sudden obsession with "Clubbing"

[girl68]

Because she thinks self worth is based on how much guys find her desireable. It is an ingrained though process that is incredibly difficult to change.

[tacticalcraptic]

But I try so hard to make her see herself as valuable and beautiful in every aspect. Not just physically. Any advice on what I can try to do?

[xxazurexx]

She's 21 and just discovered there is more to life than being lumbered in something serious and something she aint ready for.

You might be ready to play house and moms and dads, she obviously isn't.

I can see a break on the horizon.

[tacticalcraptic]

"You might be ready to play house and moms and dads"

That is not what I want, and I don't think it's what I said I wanted. Why does everyone think that alcohol must be involved for things to be "fun" or "not serious"?

[lahnnabell]

"You might be ready to play house and moms and dads"

That is not what I want, and I don't think it's what I said I wanted. Why does everyone think that alcohol must be involved for things to be "fun" or "not serious"?

'Cause it can be quite fun. Especially when you don't have to hide out in your parent's basement to enjoy drinking. You can be adult about it with your adult friends. Any drinking to excess is unnecessary, but tends to be a phase a lot of young people go through too. I mean, it's like when you get a car for the first time. You want to drive it everywhere. That's what she's doing.

[tacticalcraptic]

But lahnnabell, she doesn't drink. She only goes to dance and get attention, she says. And she always comes over to my place and sees me after she goes. I know she has not been drinking. And she says she comes over after because after dancing she realizes that it my kind of attention that she really wants most. She just forgets that and wantsto go out dancing for attention sometimes. She says.

[lahnnabell]

But lahnnabell, she doesn't drink. She only goes to dance and get attention, she says. And she always comes over to my place and sees me after she goes. I know she has not been drinking. And she says she comes over after because after dancing she realizes that it my kind of attention that she really wants most. She just forgets that and wantsto go out dancing for attention sometimes. She says.

Dancing is so much fun! Some nights I'm bursting to get out and just bust a move. The lights, the beat, the sweat in your hair... it's exhilarating. And it's a turn on to know that some guy is watching you shake your thang, and he's enjoying it.

OR, perhaps she likes to go there and meet guys and talk to them. She wants to feel desired. From what it sounds like, you are a tad more demure than the males she might be seeking out. You sound like a really nice guy, but she may be headed into her "dating stupid guys" phase. I dunno her exact reasons though. But I do know she's having fun, and if you try and put a lock and chain on her, she will resent you for it and you'll lose her anyway.

[lahnnabell]

Dude, you were only dating for 6 months. Get a grip of yourself, you're not married to her. If she releases her inner whore, all you have to do is break up with her. It's that simple. 6 months isn't long at all.

Some people get attached very easily. Especially if they haven't had much experience with dating or relationships. And 6 months is still time invested into one person. When you're younger, 1 year looks like forever. We all know this changes as you grow older though.

[VincenzoG91]

Aw yeah, that dreaded "dating stupid guys phase." Yep, when she gets attention at the bar/club, it isn't just going to be wistful wallflowers gazing upon her from afar. It's also going to be assertive guys hitting on her and trying to get her phone number. Sooner or later, she may meet some guy who seems superficially more compatible than you are, though it will probably just be a smooth-talking player who tells her what she wants to hear. She is going to keep putting herself in this situation, and it's going to end your relationship together.

[tacticalcraptic]

"She wants to feel desired. From what it sounds like, you are a tad more demure than the males she might be seeking out."

She tells me she ultimately wants someone like me. but her desire to get attention from the types of people she says she finds revolting, confuses me. Especially since she already has me and she says had I not been the way I am, had I been a drinker or a clubbing type of person, she would not have been interested in a long term relationship with me.

[tacticalcraptic]

"though it will probably just be a smooth-talking player who tells her what she wants to hear. She is going to keep putting herself in this situation, and it's going to end your relationship together."

Honestly, this is what I think too, Vincenzo, the more she goes, the more likely something like this will happen. I don't want to be controlling and tell her not to go but at the same time, I don't really want to wait around for something like this to happen.

[girl68]

You can't help her. It's up to her to help herself. I have left my bf out of it. It's up to me and only me to help myself.

[tacticalcraptic]

She doesn't seem to think its a problem, she thinks its just some odd quirk she has.

[girl68]

She is wrong.

[lahnnabell]

"She wants to feel desired. From what it sounds like, you are a tad more demure than the males she might be seeking out."

She tells me she ultimately wants someone like me. but her desire to get attention from the types of people she says she finds revolting, confuses me. Especially since she already has me and she says had I not been the way I am, had I been a drinker or a clubbing type of person, she would not have been interested in a long term relationship with me.

So, right now, she wants to have her cake and eat it too. She wants to run around and play with other boys, then come home to you and play house. You have to decide if this is something you want in your life. I guarantee you she doesn't think she's doing anything wrong because she's not cheating, but she is disrespecting you and your relationship. You have to learn to put your foot down about what is and what isn't acceptable for you. If you stay quiet about this, it'll only cause resentment later.

So, yes, she wants to be with someone like you long-term, but maybe not right now.