tells me that we can try again in the future

[spartacus]

The thing is, you dont just stop loving someone overnight. If you've been together for sometime then he will have memories to. He will be reminded of you as much as you are him.

If you were to go overseas for a while, how do you know you will have to come back to the same thing? maybe if you did, you wouldnt feel you needed him anymore. You would see new things and be in other places and that would take your mind off things. It would give you BOTH some space to find your feet again, and you WOULD become the person you were before.

do you mind me asking how old you both are? you can tell me in a PM if you prefer, or not tell me at all. I dont mind, I just wondered.

[stonesnbones]

Buzz

Ive been contacting my ex for a year now. She still says she misses me and would really like to see me again. Theres only one problem...

Within weeks after my break up, she found a new BF and is now living with him (he moved with her).

I thought I could be friends. But after about the 4th time she started talking freely about she and her bf and what they did (went to watch movie, went bowling) that was enough. I sure as hell dont want to be her friend when she says in an email "oh we are engaged" or "We will get married".

See the post I made in Spartacus's "Too many Chances". It gives a quikie list of some disadvantages of remaining friends, and advantages of NC.

Oh and I was with this girl for 5 years, so my pain is much more so.

Also if you want to read through my situation you can go to "Been 1 year, stuff going on between ex, and I need advice!!"

So, if you do NC right away, you are a "jerk", "bastard" "b**ch", "slut" and dubbed as someone that was insensitive and didnt care about the rrelationship. But if we do the stupid stuff first, then do NC, its too late, you pushed him/her away, you become friends and feel eternal pain when they tell you they found someone else.

Doesn't THAT sound fair..

[buzz bee]

im 23 years old, hes 22.... i know its a little young to be thinking the way i am.... but ive loved this guy since the first moment i met him - 6 years ago... and have loved him since in varying degrees and intensities.... he thinks that this isnt the end of us... that in time we will be together again, we have that sort of bond and connection... he has told me we are two pieces of a jigsaw puzzle - we fit perfectly.... its just how do i go back to loving him from afar again when ive shared so much with him? hopeing that things will change for the better again?

ive already done all the bad pushing away stuff, i cant take any of that back and ive prolly lost him thru it.... i dont know.. he ahsnt found anyone new yet and has told me he doesnt want someone else... at the moment he doesnt want me either.. and has promised to let me know if he does start seeing someone else so i can let go of him and realise its all a pipe dream

[buzz bee]

should i maybe send him a letter? try and tell him how i feel? explain how im feeling? or should i just leave it since at the moment he is still talking to me? i dont know what to do..... writting him something may push him further away and although ive already lost him im terrified of finding out i REALLY have lost him... im terrified of my little security blanket being shattered

[stonesnbones]

Thats what NC serves as.

Dont push him away any further. He hasnt found anyone else yet, and I think that means hes true to his word about not wanting anyone now, but not you either. So dont go any further and force him to find someone by pushing him away.

The NC will also help you heal and start to lose your feelings for him, maybe enough that if you hear the bad news, you can take it and move on, but if he does decide to comeback, then you are at a level where its fun to "rediscover" him again.

[buzz bee]

the problem is i dont want to lose my feelings and i dont think i ever will... if you really do love someone you cant just turn that off, its something that stays with you... i dont know if he will ever want me to 'rediscover him again'... im worried because although he hasnt found anyone yet, it is only a mater of time and im going to fall apart....

[stonesnbones]

I felt that whay too until I felt the sting of her telling me about her new BF. That pain is a lot more than I can handle, and it was when I knew I had to go NC, but Im sure now its too late for me.

I thought I would never lose the feelings, but I am slowly feeling start to go away.

Think about it this way. EIther you leave him be, go through with this pain, and eventually heal and it will lessen.

OR

Keep pushing him further to the point of no return, and possibly forcing him to find someone else while that happens, and then feeling a whole LOT more pain, taking you even longer to heal and making you feel like crap for alot more years.

[buzz bee]

so either way i lose? either way i feel pain and heartache?

i am well aware that either this will get better and we will try again or we wont and eventually i will have to deal with him seeing other people - i want to remain friends with this guy somehow... we where friends before and i want to keep at least that.....

[spartacus]

I know how you feel. You want him back, and you know NC is the right thing to do, but you worry that during the NC period he'll find someone else or lose interest in you. the thought of him not wanting you at the moment hurts. The thought of him doing other things hurts too, as does the thought he might find someone else.

[buzz bee]

yeah everything hurts at the moment - and i cant see it getting better.. i would do almost anything to be back in his arms

[stonesnbones]

YOu cant see it getting better because you are speaking based on your current state of mind.

THis is the second time Ive broken up with my ex. The first time I did stupid stuff for 4months. THen I did NC for 2 months. DUring the stupid stuff, she told me to date other girls and that she said she would never go out with me again. I felt I could neevr let go. After 2 months of NC, she came back.

During that 2 months of NC, I did feel much better. When she did come back, I felt as though I could have gone either way and be happy about it.

So based on that personal experience, in time, you will start to feel y ourself feel better and not worry too much about it.

[TrueLove]

Im goin through the same situation she says we can be together in the future, but to me that makes it worse cause it gives you somethin 2 hold onto. i cant stop thinkin about her every minute of the day & its bin 2 months. Im ****ed!!!!!!!!!!

[stonesnbones]

THis should be a time for you to heal and better yourself from the mistakes that led to the breakup. If during this time you become a better person, then others will be attracted to you that could possibly be better than her. As long as you hold on to that hope, you could potentially be living in constant pain, not better yourself, and basically remain single for the rest of your life.

We all love to hold on to hope. I once did for a year. All your responses earlier were exactly like mine months ago. I thought I could never let go, I didnt want to. I t hought I would die if she found someone else. That makes the pain worse, and then you start to try to make her come back, which is the dumbest thing you can do.

[stardust]

It sounds just like my situation! My boyfriend and I were together for 2 years, and weve been apart for 6months. He told me that we will be together again one day beacause I am all he wants etc but not right now. To be honest that was a stab in the tail beacuause although he said he loved me he wasnt prepared to do anything about it. Everyday i would cry constantly wanting to call him waiting for him to call etc, and as much as it still hurts now I jsut think whats the point. Although i will always love him his attitude towards us was different from mine. you both have different views of what you want. Realise that your not alone. theres alot of us who hurt and try to start focuseing on your newl ife rather than your old one which revolved around him. You never know he may come running back, Stay confident and happy, thats when youl look and feel your best!

[buzz bee]

the problem is i really dont want anyone else, i know its only been 5 weeks since we split up but i still think about him every day - im worried that he doesnt think of me - hes told me that the shock of not having me around all the time has worn off already and that hes feeling better - i dont want to lose him! i know i pretty much already have but im still crying about ite very day.... its not fair that one person can care so much more than the other person... why is it easier for him to just let go and move on? why isnt he showing any emotion? why isnt he crying about it like i am?

maybe its time i faced the truth and realised he prolly isnt coming back to me, who would after what ive done to him and that time isnt going to make this better.. that NC doesnt work, it wont make him miss me and reevaluate his feelings for me - it will just give him the space he needs to move on and forget about me.... that my chances of him and i becoming us again are so slim i shouldnt be holding out... that saying we can be together again later in life means i dont want to be with you now and prolly wont know you later.. that the chances of us both being single and wanting to give it another go later are pretty slim... that he isnt going to call about coffee tomorrow so im not going to see him, that he is prolly already moving on and thinking about other girls..... that i dont even enter his mind