why does no contact/ limited contact work?

[DarkHelmet82]

right but with no contact dont you risk the chance of.. out of sight out of mind? Personally if i know someone has moved on from me Im not going to pursue... Wouldnt Limited contact be the best solution at least when she seems to just need some time/space... just let her know she CAN contact me.. (she already has.)

[DarkHelmet82]

It's not about making her beg or pushing her away. You just have to make her show that you are the guy for her with actions before you recommit. Go out with her for a while, make sure everything feels right and a month or two down the line then you can declare yourself boyfriend and girlfriend again. Do not take her back immediately.

well this just happened two days ago.. so im not gonna meet up with her in person just yet... but yeah i think i need to take it slow (that was my first mistake.. i didnt)

I was just more curious as to WHY it works... maybe i am an anomoly and like it when people show me love and support.. I find the alternative kinda a turnoff.. although.. i kinda want her more now then i did before... so maybe it does work.. lmao

[DarkHelmet82]

if she does contact me.. how do i respond? like should i be short and simple, act normal ect?

[Boisdevie]

Not every relationship ends badly..in my situation my ex just has issues that she needs to deal with.

Oh for gods sake get a grip on REALITY. She has issues to deal with? = she's not the one for me/she's unbalanced/she's loony/she's too controlling - take your pick.
My Gf does NOT have issues to deal with - that's why we're still together. GET IT? You are someone drowing and vainly trying to find the lifebelt. And most relationships end.

[DarkHelmet82]

Oh for gods sake get a grip on REALITY. She has issues to deal with? = she's not the one for me/she's unbalanced/she's loony/she's too controlling - take your pick.
My Gf does NOT have issues to deal with - that's why we're still together. GET IT? You are someone drowing and vainly trying to find the lifebelt. And most relationships end.

everyone has issues of some kind.. thats the REALITY.. i would just rather accept them and try to work on fixing them then pretneding they dont exist. Her issue is that she was going to get married, and then broke it off because the guy was a loser.. but she needs time/space to be able to give another relationship her all.

[DarkHelmet82]

I just dont understand why someone would go out of the way to contact someone who is no longer talking to them... seems like you are putting yourself out on a limb. and the limb is about to break...

[sammygee]

Sometimes it works because the relationship wasn't working due to the one being dumped was too clingy in the realtionship. yes Its all about human nature. We want what we think we can't have. We are not very interested in something that is too easy to have

[DarkHelmet82]

i understand that but what i dont get it why would anyone go out of the way to contact someone they "cant have" or havent spoken too... seems illogical. I am not going to walk up to a supermodel, because I know I cant have them.

[im_a_fool]

Imagine someone you have dated in the past...that you decided for whatever reason that they were too clingy or just were, for whatever reason, not right for you...so you break down and tell them...and then they get MORE clingy.."No, wait. Don't go. Why are you leaving me?" Whatever behavior you didn't like before is suddenly amplified and you just feel more in the right for breaking the relationship. But imagine you tell them "I don't think we should see each other anymore" and instead they say "I understand...in fact, I have been thinking the same thing myself...you are a good person and I've really enjoyed my time with you..." This can set your mind into a tailspin because...they didn't react in the way you expected. They weren't clingy, needy or dependent upon you...

I never ever ever chase. Coincidentally I have been re-approached by nearly ever ex I've ever had...it's sad that it works because perhaps it shouldn't...but it does work...

[CAM]

Because getting dumped = getting disrespected. If you don't show the same disrespect back then they start thinking you're a weak pushover and nobody finds a weak pushover sexy. Basic human nature really.

It doesn't always work, but if the greener pastures she thinks are out there don't materialize then she will still find you a viable dating option.

Getting back together...a mistake. You're right, they realize that you can't make a decision which is a problem. I went back once because I felt bad for the woman, but what a huge mistake that turned out to be. A great book: The Art of Manliness (its like $12 on Amazon.com). One point is when you break it off, just end it completely. It shows more respect for her (and self respect if you are a guy) than letting things linger in any way. The book says take her to a neutral location (park or coffeehouse) and tell her you want to end it and offer some reasons on why things are working for you. Prepare for the rebuttal, but take it like a man and then (the important thing here) end contact, period.

[CAM]

should read "aren't working for you" typo

[DarkHelmet82]

Imagine someone you have dated in the past...that you decided for whatever reason that they were too clingy or just were, for whatever reason, not right for you...so you break down and tell them...and then they get MORE clingy.."No, wait. Don't go. Why are you leaving me?" Whatever behavior you didn't like before is suddenly amplified and you just feel more in the right for breaking the relationship. But imagine you tell them "I don't think we should see each other anymore" and instead they say "I understand...in fact, I have been thinking the same thing myself...you are a good person and I've really enjoyed my time with you..." This can set your mind into a tailspin because...they didn't react in the way you expected. They weren't clingy, needy or dependent upon you...

I never ever ever chase. Coincidentally I have been re-approached by nearly ever ex I've ever had...it's sad that it works because perhaps it shouldn't...but it does work...

well maybe thats where i messed up.. i told her it sucked, and have feelings for her, BUT i have not been contacting her so, maybe I can repave the "im ok with this." I told her those things because 1. I dont play games 2. she wasnt breaking up with me due to lack of feelings for me, but rather for baggage that she needs to deal with while being single.

[DarkHelmet82]

Getting back together...a mistake. You're right, they realize that you can't make a decision which is a problem. I went back once because I felt bad for the woman, but what a huge mistake that turned out to be. A great book: The Art of Manliness (its like $12 on Amazon.com). One point is when you break it off, just end it completely. It shows more respect for her (and self respect if you are a guy) than letting things linger in any way. The book says take her to a neutral location (park or coffeehouse) and tell her you want to end it and offer some reasons on why things are working for you. Prepare for the rebuttal, but take it like a man and then (the important thing here) end contact, period.

I just htink i have a unique situation, the breakup wasnt due to anything I did, or a lack of feelings on hers. I honestly think she just needs time to get her thoughts/feelings in check.

[CAM]

I just htink i have a unique situation, the breakup wasnt due to anything I did, or a lack of feelings on hers. I honestly think she just needs time to get her thoughts/feelings in check.

That's the same reason that I went back with the woman I mentioned...and it was a mistake on my part. The thing is that (and I assume you are an adult) if you are dealing with an adult woman who needs this time to "get her thoughts/feelings in check" then you are likely to be dealing with this same issue throughout your relationship, should it continue forward. We obligations to one another to deal with our shit and get it squared away and not constantly ask for understanding about basic things. Believe me, there are plenty of times where understanding is called for and appropriate, but not over the most basic stuff...that's why we're adults and we're expected to behave as such. I think I write this to remind myself...after all, repetition is the best way to learn.

[DarkHelmet82]

Yes I am an adult. well she just couldnt give me 100% and I respect that, I feel that once she does I think it could work out.. although I think I am still in the denial stage....