Need some Ideas!

**independent** · 21-11-05, 11:14 AM

LOL Hayward!

I read the entire post... but that last paragraph was a real shocker! haha

Other than that, great advice and very thought provoking (for me as well).

Rose... any idea WHY he is so UNattentive to YOUR needs?? Has he given any indication at all as to what his feelings are about all of this? (Maybe I missed it in an earlier post? sorry if so)

Tone · 21-11-05, 10:52 PM

What the **** guys...

**Junsui** · 21-11-05, 11:03 PM

I'm sorry you're having this problem still, RB. I wish I had some advice to offer you, but I can't think of anything to make him initiate.

**Rosebud** · 22-11-05, 03:19 AM

No it's ok you guys! I'm dealing with all this as it comes. One day I'm very unhappy about a lot, and then the next I'm ok with it all. I'm trying to work through all this by telling you guys what's going and letting you reply so I can see your view from an outside perspective and it really helps. I again apologize for talking about this so much but it's hard to deal with when there aren't other close friends who have had the same experiences and or understand where you come from and you guys do and I appreciate you listening and giving such quality advice.

Hayward, I think you have a very good point. I really beleive he is happy and content with things the way they are and if they stay this way he would still be happy. he has never told me he is unhappy with anything at all. Once when I asked him if he though our sex life and relationship was routine and he said "not really, sometimes it is but I love it" so I think your very right. And as I ahve said before, I love change for myself. Not that I want our whole relationship to change but I look at it as growth and if it doesn't evolve it almost likes it's at a standstill. I have done that my whole life, which is also why I feel I have lost my independence. I have never relied on a man for my everything and it makes me feel worthless when I do. I have responsibilities but I don't carry my own weight which makes me again feel like I'm not accomplishing what I should be at 25.

I do believe to have a good life together you have to have seperate lives as well. I know I need to do this for both of us and I just ahve to get soem ground. Teh reason I didn't go back to work before was becasue of the cost of day care and the hours I would work which the day care could not accomadate. I'm trying to work that out now. I think I need to get back into the work force instead of school at the moment to be able to estblish some independence. Our friends call emallt het ime to go out, they don't call him as much anymore becasue of his work schedule so I know if I wanted I could go out, but I want to take things slow since it would be hard enough being away from daughter for all that long.

Is there any other suggestions that could help in establishing this new ground that you can think of?

Independent-He hasn't ever said he was unhappy. When I wrote to him( for surpirses of saying I love you) he would write back how much he wants to marry me and how much he loves our family, and so on. When I have told him about how I feel he says ok but then when it comes up it's like he wants me to remind him or say something right then and there and I don't feel I should have to but maybe that's my fault again for just assuming. I just think what Hayward said is right, he doesn't think anything needs to change and he really doesn't understand why I want them to.

**Lloyd95** · 22-11-05, 03:25 AM

This thread is like 3 weeks old! Get a move on already.
And did you cut your hair yet? That's been like 2 months ago??

Are you fakin moves with us?!

**Rosebud** · 22-11-05, 03:31 AM

So what LLoyd, I obviously haven't solved anything yet... ;p

Nope, I have an appt tomorrow!

**Lloyd95** · 22-11-05, 03:39 AM

Originally Posted by Rosebud

So what LLoyd, I obviously haven't solved anything yet... ;p

Nope, I have an appt tomorrow!

The thread that won't die (after the Asian thread of course.)

**Rosebud** · 22-11-05, 03:56 AM

Your mean!!!!!!! you didn't read why it was back up again, you just want to boy-cott it anyways.... ;P

Tsk Tsk LLoyd!

**independent** · 22-11-05, 03:59 AM

Hmm... I wonder if we will ever be truly happy - or if we will find ourselves on an eternal quest for "more" no matter what we have achieved or obtained.

That wasnt aimed at you, Rose - just something that came to mind when I read your post that is worth some thought... and I was just thinking out loud here.

To address your post above - I'm at a loss. He likes to cuddle with you. He works. He wants to marry you. He's already so far above the men I've dated seriously that I dont think I'm at all qualified to offer any advice here LOL

In a big way, I think being unhappy is less about our men - and more about ourselves.

**Lloyd95** · 22-11-05, 04:00 AM

Originally Posted by Rosebud

Your mean!!!!!!! you didn't read why it was back up again, you just want to boy-cott it anyways.... ;P

Tsk Tsk LLoyd!

Actually, I don't think I read one post, I'm just here to be mean.

Tone · 22-11-05, 04:07 AM

Originally Posted by Lloyd95

This thread is like 3 weeks old! Get a move on already.
And did you cut your hair yet? That's been like 2 months ago??

Are you fakin moves with us?!

No shit, the thing I don't get though is how they keep bumping it with ****ing ESSAY posts too.

What else can there be to say? My guess is a lot of reitterating the same shit already said is goin on here.

**Junsui** · 22-11-05, 04:08 AM

That's what women like to do.

**Lloyd95** · 22-11-05, 04:10 AM

Originally Posted by Tone

No shit, the thing I don't get though is how they keep bumping it with ****ing ESSAY posts too.

this made me laugh! Nice one Tone!

**Rosebud** · 22-11-05, 04:10 AM

Originally Posted by independent

Hmm... I wonder if we will ever be truly happy - or if we will find ourselves on an eternal quest for "more" no matter what we have achieved or obtained.

That wasnt aimed at you, Rose - just something that came to mind when I read your post that is worth some thought... and I was just thinking out loud here.

To address your post above - I'm at a loss. He likes to cuddle with you. He works. He wants to marry you. He's already so far above the men I've dated seriously that I dont think I'm at all qualified to offer any advice here LOL

In a big way, I think being unhappy is less about our men - and more about ourselves.

I think the more I think about all this after finally finding what the main issue is thanks to Hayward, I think a lot of is I have to with finding happiness within myself. It isn't that I want him to change it's I want the relationship to continue to reach new levels in my own mind. My personality gets bored with the same old things after awhile so I try to do differnet things and this is not just relationship wise, this is everything. I think it's how I keep excitement in my mind. And I'm finding more and more these issues are more with mysefl than they are him. which is a good thing. I'm finding i'm not the normal person..lol But let me tell ya in knowing this...it's not easy trying to find a way to accomadate all this. but on a good note I'm buying some books here to help me rationalize some things as well. I've been doing a lot more reading than usual..lol

**Rosebud** · 22-11-05, 04:12 AM

Originally Posted by Tone

No shit, the thing I don't get though is how they keep bumping it with ****ing ESSAY posts too.

What else can there be to say? My guess is a lot of reitterating the same shit already said is goin on here.

Tone and LLoyd, actually it's not.. I just made major headway here and found out something major about myself that is really important to me. I'm sorry if you guys are bored with this...

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