The "Nice Boy" Syndrome

[irrelevant_89]

You might be right... I convinced myself that a confident girl will know she's way better than me and give me no chance *shrugs*

[shheadz]

If she was insecure upon starting the relationship there is a chance she is "nice, mousy and shy" because she insecure. If you were aware of it you might be suffering from White Knight Syndrome. If she wasn't this way entering the relationship and the insecurity developed later on in the relationship... it may be a little different.

Personally I think shy girls are more intriguing. Could also be the reason some women like the strong silent type.

[BoredGeorge]

Shy insecure girls are good because they will do what you say and make you a sandwchich. When you are nice to them they will appreciate it. I would much rather a nice,shy, insecure girl that a ravenously egotistical bitch who has rape fantasys.

Maybe we LIKe being nice to girls ? Ever though of that ? Ladies, do you enjoy being mean to children ? Well it is similar with men towards women.

[Charlie Boy II]

yeah, guys like nice, shy girls. I guess its because we're looking for someone to nurture us and a future family (instinctively I mean). We're not looking for a protector/provider.

[CocoChanel]

Men only want shy and insecure women because they can manipulate them. You don't want a girl who is secure because she won't fall for that bullshit.

[lahnnabell]

I am by no means a "shy girl". I'm kind and understanding and devoted, but you best believe I will lay the smack down if need be. And I'm not talking about petty jealousy shit. I don't go there. But if you lie to me, cheat on me, criticize me, watch out, boy!

[Sanctuary]

Men only want shy and insecure women because they can manipulate them. You don't want a girl who is secure because she won't fall for that bullshit.

I think we like them because they're more tolerant and accommodating not because we can trick them with bullshit.

Also, I agree with CB. The type of girl that's always the first to express genuine concern when someone gets hurt gets extra points from me.

[CocoChanel]

Then that means you want one who is affectionate and compassionate. Not a shy girl. A shy girl could be anti-social and a fcukin bore. Get real.

[Sanctuary]

Then that means you want one who is affectionate and compassionate. Not a shy girl. A shy girl could be anti-social and a fcukin bore. Get real.

That's true. I read CB's line and somehow thought nice = shy. You're absolutely right - it doesn't and shy girls can be boring.

I must be tired lol.

[CocoChanel]

It's all about what people assume about women of a particular label.

For example: When men see an +10 attractive woman they auto-assume that she gets everything that she wants, people drool over her and that she is self-centered. Because of that assumption, the guy won't give her any attention because he thinks she wants attention anyway. Like, "Heh. I didn't give her the time of day."

Attractive women like to be told their beautiful too. Not always, "You're hot, you're sexy". Hearing that all the time just makes you feel like you are good to look at. But saying, "I love your eyes, I love your hair, I love your smile." That never gets old. You should try it sometimes the next time you see an attractive woman. It makes all the difference in the world.

[lahnnabell]

I agree with Coco. One of my exes was very into telling me I was beautiful, but the compliment lost its appeal when that's all I heard. He never picked out anything special, or tailored the compliment to fit me as I was.

My current guy says things like, "Your eyebrows are part of the reason your face is so beautiful." or, "Your nose is really cute." I want to know that the guy is looking at ME, not that I'm just some hot piece of ass that he gets to drool on.

[shheadz]

Then that means you want one who is affectionate and compassionate. Not a shy girl. A shy girl could be anti-social and a fcukin bore. Get real.

We all make assumptions about another person based on appearance and mannerisms before we get to know them. Does that mean shy = nice? No. But let me put it to you like this: You go out to a bar and see two men. One is cracking jokes, and he's the center of a attention. The other is sitting by himself at the bar nursing a beer. Which one are you going to talk to if you like confident guys?

There's nothing wrong with a guy going after shy girls if he likes affectionate women. Initially we have to assume shy = nice.

[CocoChanel]

We all make assumptions about another person based on appearance and mannerisms before we get to know them. Does that mean shy = nice? No. But let me put it to you like this: You go out to a bar and see two men. One is cracking jokes, and he's the center of a attention. The other is sitting by himself at the bar nursing a beer. Which one are you going to talk to if you like confident guys?

There's nothing wrong with a guy going after shy girls if he likes affectionate women. Initially we have to assume shy = nice.

You're not getting it. My point in mentioning the assumptions men make when it comes to attractive women is that you assume the worse because of her PHYSICAL appearance. But the other girl, you assume she is nice because she's shy. (Personality for Character). That's not fair at all.

[kez73]

Well all I can say about this age-old argument is that I only dated what I thought were 'nice' boys - no rough neck leather jacket bad boys - and that didn't get me anywhere. Even the nice boys turned out to be cheaters and liars lol. Now I somehow managed to get hooked up with someone who totally has a bad boy image and people are often even scared of him (lol), but he has by far been more loyal to me and my children than anyone else ever has. Go figure. One ex in particular had low self esteem but was unbelievably romantic and attentive, and he turned out to be the most hurtful cheater and liar of all. On the outside, no one would ever suspect him capable of being that way at all.

My bf's best friend is even scarier, totally looks like a bad biker dude, but he has been with his partner for 15 years and takes care of her 16 yr old mentally and physically disabled son like you wouldn't believe -- but people see him on the street and cross the road to the other side HAHA. It's hilarious... seriously. He is the mildest and meekest guy you could ever meet if you got past his bad boy scary biker man exterior.

Looks can be VERY deceiving.

[Sanctuary]

It's all about what people assume about women of a particular label.

For example: When men see an +10 attractive woman they auto-assume that she gets everything that she wants, people drool over her and that she is self-centered. Because of that assumption, the guy won't give her any attention because he thinks she wants attention anyway. Like, "Heh. I didn't give her the time of day."

Some guys aren't that dumb but most are.

Attractive women like to be told their beautiful too. Not always, "You're hot, you're sexy". Hearing that all the time just makes you feel like you are good to look at. But saying, "I love your eyes, I love your hair, I love your smile." That never gets old. You should try it sometimes the next time you see an attractive woman. It makes all the difference in the world.

What Coco said ^ is true. This is why I always tell guys to give a genuine compliment that relates to the girl - not some generic bullshit like "you're beautiful."

In fact, I pretty much approach girls by saying "hi" and giving a well thought compliment. lol I have no game.