BF ego problem after we wrestled

[IndiReloaded]

well, it just FEELS like that even tho I know i did the right thing by avoiding a conflict.

Lol, well since you're into MA now, you should know that conflict avoidance is actually the primary lesson of budo.

You'll enjoy Sun Tsu's Art of War, get a copy. He says a lot about conflict, perhaps the most relevant for you is that 'subdue the enemy without fighting is the supreme excellence'.

When you do have to fight, make sure you fight to win or don't bother. This is so you win not just that fight, but every other fight that would have come after. This goes for non-physical conflicts also. I don't think you would have been able to do that w/your ex, nor was it really necessary, so you did right.

[celestialxs]

Have all his stuff waiting for him outside your door. If he wants it, great. If he doesn't turn up leave it there for someone else to take.

Keep your door locked. If he shows up and starts pounding give him a warning and then call the cops. He'll know you mean business and he'll most likely back off for good.

I agree with Gribble. Put all his shit in cardboard boxes, or whatever you have (hell, you could just pile it up), and put it all on and around his car. Have a friend there, as a witness, if he gets verbally or physically violent...even if it's just at your front door.

[Gigabitch]

Exactly. Jen, you'll be sending him the wrong message if you ever open your door to him again.

[gHEXjt]

The reason he got so loaded is because he knew what was going to happen (that you were going to dump him). I can't tell you what his exact plan was, but it could have been so that he could worm his way into your bed like he attempted, or maybe so that he'd grow a pair and try to act like a tough guy. He did both those things...What a d-bag.

If he calls you to pick up his stuff, tell him you'll leave it out in front of the door. Just wait to see him pull up, throw the shit out the front door, and lock it. Otherwise, act like you're not home and drop his shit off later. Either way, he blew the chance for an amicable breakup, at least from your end since its already not happened on his. You owe him nothing more. If he's acting like such an asshole about this, he'll probably end up making shit up about why you broke up (i.e. you found someone else), in which case you will have to spill the beans about the wrestling match.

[Junket]

--and that he reacted like a total baby about it--but that would only make him crazy and probly want to have revenge, so thats not really an option.

Yes it is an option.

What part of "fúck him" don't you understand?

You'll have more people on your side than he will.

You don't have to put it like that, just more like, "I beat him a few times in some wrestling matches and he became too angry and aggressive afterwards."

Step the fúck up.

You won, start acting like it.

[anachronistic]

Lol, well since you're into MA now, you should know that conflict avoidance is actually the primary lesson of budo.

You'll enjoy Sun Tsu's Art of War, get a copy. He says a lot about conflict, perhaps the most relevant for you is that 'subdue the enemy without fighting is the supreme excellence'.

When you do have to fight, make sure you fight to win or don't bother. This is so you win not just that fight, but every other fight that would have come after. This goes for non-physical conflicts also. I don't think you would have been able to do that w/your ex, nor was it really necessary, so you did right.

Thank you for saying that. This is something many people fail to see.

[jenster]

Yes it is an option.

What part of "fúck him" don't you understand?

You'll have more people on your side than he will.

You don't have to put it like that, just more like, "I beat him a few times in some wrestling matches and he became too angry and aggressive afterwards."

Step the fúck up.

You won, start acting like it.

I left his stuff outside my apt. building in a big box. he did try to get me to talk--kept ringing the buzzer, which was annoying, then finally gave up. he called and called later but i also refused to pick up.

Then my friend Stacey finally got back to me and I explained the whole thing to her--with al lot of tears in between---at her place (I had to get out of my apt.)

She listened to the whole thing and then made me laugh b/c the first thing out of her mouth was "You really beat him at wrestling?"

anyway, she let me stay over her place and said I could stay as long as I like if i'm afraid of what he might do in the short term. I did ask her not to tell anyone else, tho'...much as I get what your saying Frasbee, I dont want to antagonize him any further. (At least til I get back to taking judo

[Mish]

Great stuff Jen

I'm proud of you!

[celestialxs]

Good for you Jen! You're being really smart!

[jenster]

Good for you Jen! You're being really smart!

Thanks! (I dont feel so smart to be honest--I feel like, why couldnt I tell this guy was such a jerk?)

and I doubt hes just going to go away quietly

[gHEXjt]

Thanks! (I dont feel so smart to be honest--I feel like, why couldnt I tell this guy was such a jerk?)

and I doubt hes just going to go away quietly

There's no reason to feel bad about not figuring this out sooner. You'd feel a lot worse if you figured this out 10 years from now and you had kids with him and were married.

As for him not going away quietly, probably not. You're just going to have to ride that storm out. But once again, it's going to be a lot easier to get through that now than it would be if you let the relationship go on longer and then deal with even more then. Just hang in there...that's all you can do.

[IndiReloaded]

Thanks! (I dont feel so smart to be honest--I feel like, why couldnt I tell this guy was such a jerk?)

Are you kidding? I don't know a single person over 25 who hasn't smacked their head at least once thinking 'I don't know what I ever saw in them...'.

Welcome to the club Jen.

[Gigabitch]

Remember not to let him catch you alone. It's quite possible that he'll start skulking around your work and your apartment, waiting for you.

You should get some pepper spray.

[Junket]

We're awesome.

[Gigabitch]

We're awesome.

Especially because jenster is one of us.