She wants an open relationship but wants to be with me at the same time?

[krustykrab]

I took a girl out on a date, and we ended up sleeping together. Ever since that day we've been sleeping and staying at each other's apartments almost everyday for a couple of weeks. Of course it's not just about sex, we do spend alot of time with each other and have those deep meaningful chats like couples do. It's almost like a "relationship" but accelerated through third base. We like each other alot and we enjoy each other's company so much.

Here's the issue here, we both want different things.

She only recently just got out of a relationship and has always been in relationships in the past. Hence, she feels as though she needs to experience the single life for a few months - partying, hooking up with other guys, potentially having other partners, etc.. - before wanting to commit to someone again.

I, on the other hand, have always been the party boy. I've lost count of the number of girls I've hooked up with, I've had a fair amount of flings and open relationships with different girls. Bottomline is, I've had my fair share of fun and I no longer find pleasure in these things. I've never been fortunate enough to find a girl I could fall in love with and actually have a committed relationship with. I'm a good guy and that's what I want at the moment.

Due to both of us being on different pages, we both mutually decided it wouldn't workout so we both went on one last date together like a couple, and kissed each other goodbye for good.

Then we started talking 2 days after that, and she's accusing me of not being able to understand her and she's upset about me not wanting to see her anymore. She also mentioned several times that she's a genuine person who genuinely cares about me and that I've boxed her with the rest of the slutty girls I've been with in the past. (I haven't had any good experiences with girls)


So here's what she wants: She wants us to be very affectionate towards each other like a couple, without the "relationship status" attached to it. In other words, she wants us both to be open to meeting/sleeping with other people, and perhaps after a few months if we're still happy together, we can be exclusive to each other. Does that make her seem a little selfish when here I am happy to be hers completely, while she wants me to wait until she's ready to be committed again?




Of course, this is my side of the story so it's fair to say that it makes her look like the villain here. However, she's definitely one difficult girl to understand.




What are your thoughts?

[surfhb]

I think the term "open relationship" is being used wrong here.

She simply doesn't want to be in a relationship right now because that's all she's ever known. She wants to date....it's as simple as that.

Obviously this is not what you're looking for so it's probably best you go your separate ways. She's been genuine and up front with you.

Yeah I guess it is selfish but that's what you need to be when you're dating. You need to think of your own wants and needs first.

I mean you barely know this girl....take it slow, date other people and maybe it might work out. If not then so be it.

[TheEvilJester]

Here's my thoughts on the matter....

She is not being selfish by wanting an open relationship....

However, you are also not being selfish in NOT wanting that.

Where she IS being selfish is expecting you to be okay with it. You two realized you didn't want the same thing and therefore decided to end it. Amicably, friendly, couldn't be much better. Very mature, and very much the right thing to do....

Then she ruined it by turning around and not being okay with that. I mean, if you were okay with having an open relationship, then that would be great. But, you said that is not what you want right now. So, that means that you and her are just not a match. At least not right now. Maybe down the road, fate will find you still single and her having felt she had her fun "single time" and is ready to settle down. Perhaps fate will bring you two back together. But you shouldn't be forced to stay with somebody if your desires don't match up right now.

You can otherwise seem like a near perfect match for somebody, but when something that is that big of a deal doesn't match up, that is saying something. That isn't a minor thing like you two don't like the same movies or something. This is a big deal.

That said, I wouldn't necessarily say she is the "villain" in this story. She obviously really likes you. She just isn't ready to settle down yet. That's fine, but you are ready for something more serious. If it is not what you want, then it is selfish to expect you to do all the relationship stuff with her without an actual commitment.

Good luck, friend.

[krustykrab]

I'll admit it was my fault for escalating the whole argument and making things so bitter when they could've ended on good terms. It's just that she brought up that she misses seeing me and all, then I got a little agitated and had to tell her that I was willing to give her my all but she just didn't want the commitment.

She said she'a hoping somewhere down the road we might up together again when she's ready to commit. I think that's just unreasonable because how could anyone expect someone to wait like that?
A part of me feels that there must be a better girl out there who wants what I want and is ready without any of us waiting for the other to be.

[Wakeup]

Zero contact. Don't let her keep emotionally manipulating you. She wants to have you as back up until she finds someone who she really wants to settle down with. In other words, You're "filler."

She'll know where to find you if she can't find anyone better.

[krustykrab]

You're so right there. I don't deserve to be the "backup" guy. I've been in that position several times before and how could anyone find happiness being that guy.

[TheEvilJester]

Oh, do not misunderstand my thoughts at all. In NO way am I saying you should wait for her. If fate should see that you two wind up being brought back together at a time when she actually feels ready to settle down, then fine. However, if she's not ready for that now, then that is her loss. I fully recommend you move on and date other women. If you find somebody else and become serious with them... well, that is her loss.

Just as others have said, you are NOT anybody's option. You should be somebody's priority. If she isn't ready for that, some other girl will be.

Good luck.

P.S. Could I get a large Krabby Patty meal please?

[krustykrab]

Thanks Jester.

We had a chat last night and we are no longer in speaking terms now, but it's probably for the best anyway.

Sure, would you also like a kelp shake with that krabby patty meal?

[craigieboy001]

Hi KrustyKrab

to me, it sounds as though she wants to "have her cake and eat it" she wants the best of both worlds where she can use you as a "sleeping buddy" but without any ties.

judging by her reaction though i would say that she is maybe a little more "attached" to you then she is trying to make out.

if you really do like the lady then explain to her that you don't want to be sharing her with anyone else, i know that i couldn't have an option relationship with a woman as i have morals and would feel hurt in the fact knowing that she wants to share her intimacy with other men as well.

maybe ask her for a proper chat, it seams you like her and she obviously likes you

- - - Updated - - -

Thanks Jester.

We had a chat last night and we are no longer in speaking terms now, but it's probably for the best anyway.

Sure, would you also like a kelp shake with that krabby patty meal?

oh dear

sorry to hear this buddy, as the saying goes, "there are plenty more fish in the sea"

i'm, sure you find find the right lady who wants to be with you and nobody else.

good luck my friend

Craigieboy001

[michelle23]

Find someone who wants the same things as you

[TheEvilJester]

Thanks Jester.

We had a chat last night and we are no longer in speaking terms now, but it's probably for the best anyway.

Sure, would you also like a kelp shake with that krabby patty meal?

I definitely think, then, that this is the best for you. Don't allow yourself to be used. It can be hard not to give in when you thought you had something special with somebody, but you are much better off. It's not okay for her to just string you along until she maybe decides she wants to settle down.... and who even knows if it would be with you. Maybe, if/when she is ready, it would be with some other bloke.

Oh, and BARNACLES! I forgot about the kelp shake. Yes, please. Extra kelp, extra shake.

(Beginning to think we are the two of us are the only people who get the reference. LOL!)

[krustykrab]

Thanks for the advice and support, guys. I'm definitely very happy to be part of this online community!

[moneyspills]

She obviously really likes you. She just isn't ready to settle down yet. That's fine, but you are ready for something more serious. If it is not what you want, then it is selfish to expect you to do all the relationship stuff with her without an actual commitment.









[url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FDU2fClZEHY]How Do I Act Around My Ex[/url]

[TheEvilJester]

Yes, exactly, moneyspills. That is great advice! What didn't I think of that?

....Oh, wait.... I did. In fact, I said it... in those EXACT words.

LOL!

I gotta say, I've seen some trolls in my days of Internetting, but never one so perplexingly entertaining as moneyspills, our resident parrot. It is pointless and nonsensical, but I cannot help but love it.