Girlfriend broke up with me I need her back!!

[Kyle7]

So my girlfriend split up with me 5 weeks ago now, we've been together 3 years we've had ups and downs but we've come a long way together.

I've had a problem smoking weed and it changed me as a person, I never admitted it before and was always in denial about it but I've accepted it now and done something about it. I know that didn't help our relationship, but I've stopped now and haven't touched it for 5 weeks! I just want the chance to prove to her things actually will be different now I've stopped it!!

So basically it started off that it was over and there was no going back this time. We were texting a bit the days after and She said that it would be given another go but at least 6 weeks down the line when things have had a chance to change, she also said she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me providing she thought it was the right thing to do and that this time apart would do that.

We met up the week after it happened and had a chat and that and she was saying she just gives up on it now but after talking about everything she was saying towards the end of the chat she said she wanted 2 months apart and that time was to forget about the relationship we had (the bad things) and start a complete fresh. At the end of the chat we were hugging and kissing and saying that this was far from over and that it was going to be a working progress. Obviously I was over the moon with this and built my hope up that things would be ok, obviously deep down I was still a bit unsure.

We text a bit in the second week but didn't meet up until the Friday when I asked her to pop over after work, she said she couldn't stay long but ended up here for over an hour, same again we were having a laugh together and kissing hugging etc but when I was asking what was going on she was just saying were see how things go.

On the Saturday night we saw each other in town and were having a laugh again dancing together and that, but I was saying to her were going to be alright and she was saying I can't promise things will be ok. got a taxi home together but I got out at my house and she went on to hers, when I got home I cracked my head open and text her saying I had an accident, I fell straight asleep and woke up to a load of missed calls from her the next morning so I knew she was worried. I didn't text back I just went round to her house to let her know I was ok, she was unhappy I just turned up and she got rid of me quite quickly. We text a bit after and it ended up that she said she didn'tt want any contact now until the following week when we planned to go away together for the night. However later that night she rang me to see how my head was and we spoke a bit then at the end of the call she said instead of texting each other all day we would just speak to each other on the phone every night, we ended up FaceTimeing every night and I looked forward to it all day, ill add that at the end of each night we were both saying love you to each other.

On the Wednesday we went out for a meal together and had a really good time. On the Friday night we met up and went for a drive and again had a good laugh with each other and again kissing, when I dropped her off we big hug and kiss! Sunday night we went away with each other for the night (3 weeks down the line now) we had a meal and spoke a bit about what was going on where she said she still loved me but was starting to fall out of love with me and that she can't help them feelings and that once they go they don't come back, that was hard to take. Had a few drinks out after and had a good laugh with each other again, we slept with each other that night and after she was in the bathroom crying saying things just aren't the same anymore. The following day we went shopping and everything was fine, walking round arms round each other kissing, holding hands, she was putting her hand out for me so It wasent as if I was forcing it on her. Drove home and we were holding hands most of the way home and planned stuff for the following week. Dropped her home after and I was gutted to be leaving her and I still didn't really have a clear answer to how this was all going to end up.

The following day I was devastated, I knew something wasent right , that night it was different on FaceTime she was a bit upset saying she didn't want to break my heart but that she still didn't know how she felt or what to do, this is when I said to her she had to stop meeting me and giving me false hope everytime we saw each other.

The next day she text me saying she had made her decision and that she wanted to meet me that night, I text back saying this is what I've been dreading for weeks isn't it and she replied im sorry, see you later. I didn't meet her that night because I didn't want to upset myself more than I already was, and I knew what was coming.

We've text a few times since but she isn't Intrested and keeps saying it can't be fixed and that when them feelings go they don't come back. Week and a half after that day when she had made her decision and she's still adamant that were over but we keep saying we can never say never for the future and we don't know what the fiuture may hold for us . I've backed right off now and giving her space. I just want to know what any of you suggest I do. I can't and won't give up on her but struggling to do that without contacting her, I just feel that's she had led me on before her decision and that it's so unfair on me, she hasent given me the opportunity she said she would to allow time to let things change.

What do I do? Is it time to walk away now? Deep down I've got hope that we will get back together but it's running out by the day, I'm heartbroken and absolutley devastated, I can't bear the thought of her not being in my life. Someone help please. Thank you.

[rest77]

Dear Kyle7,

You wrote a wall of text. Try using some paragraph, so it would be easier to read.

[purple_roses]

I would tell her this is really bothering you and that you want to continue on with your life. And tell her to make a real decision. Either keep hanging out to try and bring the love back or stop talking. Being friends is NOT going to work. You'll never get over her and you'll only be even more hurt later when she starts dating someone else.

[Kyle7]

I would tell her this is really bothering you and that you want to continue on with your life. And tell her to make a real decision. Either keep hanging out to try and bring the love back or stop talking. Being friends is NOT going to work. You'll never get over her and you'll only be even more hurt later when she starts dating someone else.

I've told her 2 weeks ago it was unfair on me to keep giving me false hope by meeting me and being normall, and the day after she said she'd made her decision and that was that we would stop meeting and that we wernt going to get back together. She said she couldn't force herself to do something she doesn't want anymore. She's adamant at the moment that it can't be fixed but I know it can be and I just want the chance to prove myself but know I can't force her. Just feel that without contact or meeting the longer it goes on the harder it is going to be to make a good go if it and get back on track. Haven't spoke to her at all since Thursday morning now and it's killing me I'm devastated !

[Kyle7]

Well she came round today to see my mum whilst I was at work... Mum said she was crying and is also very upset by all this and that it's hard for her too. Confirmed again that her feelings have changed and that's something that can't be helped, can't really complain about that at least she's being honest. She said that we both want different things in life but I'm not sure I agree with that, I do to a certain extent but don't see why that should be a factor? I think we do want the same things it was just that whilst I was smoking it restricted me because that was always on my mind first, something I do deeply regret now.

Although she's said that my smoking habit isn't the reason for this, I know it hasn't helped things and that we probably wouldn't be in the position now if I had quit it a long time ago. I would of been the person I know I can be and I don't think it would of got to the stage where her feelings would change.

Also said there has been a few times the last couple of weeks when she's been sat with her mum and dad and been a bit upset and thought about ringing me but didn't want to because it would be unfair on me and we need the space.

She said she's pleased that I've backed off now and stopped texting and ringing her and have given her the space she needs.

Said that for now it's the right thing for both of us, I don't agree with that because I personally think we can pull through this and be stronger and better than we've ever been before but nothing I can do about that. Also said to look to the future and that in 6 months or so you never know what might happen!

I've just got to accept this for now I think and get on with my life and try and forget about all this as hard as it's going to be. Struggling so much right now but suppose things can only get better.

[lissa]

It's over, Kyle. That's the situation for now, and you need to accept that. Don't look towards getting back together in months, years, whatever. Just focus on healing your broken heart and accepting your life without her. It's the most painful feeling in the world but we all experience it and we all heal. You can't speak to her for a while - zero contact for at least a month. This will do two things - it will allow you to truly live without her and to adjust to this new reality, and it will allow her to really understand what her life is without you. If she can't live without you, then she'll know it once you are gone. At this point, you're not gone, you're just a sad sap waiting around to get back together with her whenever she feels like it. That does not make a woman want you back.

Cry, lie in bed, write about it, listen to sad songs, post on these forums all day long if you need to, just don't contact her. Believe me, this is the only way to get over this and it's the only chance you have in getting her back.

[Kyle7]

Thanks for the reply. Yeah I think I am starting to accept it now, I have to otherwise I will just end up hurting myself more and blocking myself from ever moving on from this.

I've just got to keep busy like I have been the past couple of weeks to try and take my mind off things for a while. Always on my mind but at least I can sort of put it to the back of my mind whilst I'm with friends.

Haven't contacted her for just over a week now so I know that's hardly anytime at all. I was thinking though when should I contact her? Obviously I want to sort this all out and get back on track and id do anything to have that chance again to put things right but I'm thinking do I just wait for her to contact me first, if she wants to speak to me she will right?

Just feel like I'm giving up on it now, which is really the last thing I want to do, I want to keep fighting for this but like you've said it's over now and I've just got to accept that as there's nothing I can do for now..