What's really going on here?

[Sara007]

I starting seeing my brothers good friend (we'll call him Mr. X, he is single) about 5 months ago.
My brother had a lot of negative things to say about us being together so Mr X decided to stop the situation.
After spending a lot of time around Mr. X as friends,
we couldn't stop the attraction we felt for each other regardless of my brothers feelings.
(I basically didn't care what my brother thought, it was more how Mr. X felt.)
I decided to stop our FWB situation because my feelings had grown immensely for him.

We remained friends, and hung out together, phone calls..movies, hiking, dinners ect...
It was clear to me that we were either going to stop being friends
or be in a relationship because of the attraction we felt for each other both emotionally & sexually.

He then told me that he wanted more out of our relationship, that he didn't want it to be about sex, and exactly how he felt about me.
After that, everyone knew we were "together" and my brother stopped talking to him & was extremely hurtful towards me.

Here's the tricky part..
Mr. X has a lot of issues that need to be corrected within the next few months
(the issues are personal and have nothing to do with another person) before we can move forward (take the next step).
He has asked me to give him some time to straighten these issues out
because he doesn't know how they will unfold & doesn't want either of us to get hurt.
I asked him if he was braking up with me & he said "I'm just asking for some time, I hope you understand"
I replied that I understood and I was there for him if he needed me.
He said " Thank you, and I know, that is why you are so special to me."

I didn't hear from him for a week, then received a text message saying "How are you?"
I replied "OK"
then a "That's good"
One hour later I got another text that said " I've been thinking about you a lot"
I replied " Been thinking of you too"
Then he told me he was going to be in the area in two days, and asked when I was off work.
I took this as he wanted to see me, even though he didn't say it.
I told him I wasn't sure what time I was done,
and I was slightly confused that I thought he needed time.
He then said "I thought I could talk to you?"
I said " You Can"
It ending with him saying "Well OK then."

So what I'am asking from a mans point of view, do you think..

1. He just doesn't know what he wants.
2. When he asked for time but not to brake-up that he just wants to keep the relationship at the same level until his issues are resolved.
3. He's a bad communicator.
4. Just waiting to see what happens.

I'm really confused.

[chris81]

Sounds very confusing!! Sounds like he can't communicate very well with you. I don't agree with the whole "needing space" thing. To me, if 2 people are good together they work out out their issues/feelings between them, not apart. If I was you, I'd want to find out what is going on with this guy. Good luck

[nico88]

Maybe the issues he's dealing with is what's drawing a wedge between you too or maybe he just doesn't know what he wants. Maybe its a lil of both. It's difficult to tell. Dating a friend's sister is tricky business especially if brother doesn't give his blessing. Maybe he's feeling the pressure of that as well. Who knows.

I'm realizing now this was not at all helpful ha. I'm sorry. Maybe the best thing you can do is call him and ask him if he has a minute to talk and get everything out on the table? Idk. Normally in situations like this I listen to my gut, you should do the same. Good luck.

[Wakeup]

If you're going to wait for him, then wait for him with the TRUST that he just needs to take care of some personal stuff before he can commit to you fully. If you don't think you should wait for him because you don't TRUST him or what he is saying to you then just sever all ties now so that you can get on with your life while getting yourself over him.

Do you trust that these "issues" are ligit and that he is capable of overcoming them?

Your brother had a lot of negative things to say about you being in a relationship with this guy. Just what were the negatives? I think they may be relative to the advice you're going to get... as would knowing what these so called "issues" are he needs to overcome before he can be with you.

- - - Updated - - -

I'll add to the above by also asking you if you could get anymore cryptic yourself when he wanted to know when you got off work. You don't know what he wants because you don't know how to communicate what you want. Why didn't you just make a time for when he could "talk" to you if you didn't know when you were getting off work? How non-committal you are and you wonder why you don't understand where his head is at.

- - - Updated - - -

Further: Don't sleep with him again until AFTER he fixes his shit. You'll give him ZERO reason to hurry that up and get it done if you do.

[Sara007]

[QUOTE=Wakeup;997146

I'll add to the above by also asking you if you could get anymore cryptic yourself when he wanted to know when you got off work. You don't know what he wants because you don't know how to communicate what you want. Why didn't you just make a time for when he could "talk" to you if you didn't know when you were getting off work? How non-committal you are and you wonder why you don't understand where his head is at.


[/QUOTE]


I have been extremely open with him..so I expect the same...I'm not going to fish for something if i think he is being vague..or just not sure he knows any better. If he can't just come out and just say what he wants than that's on him...Either way..the situation has changed somewhat. He will not be having to deal with his situation as severely as we thought..so that might speed things up a little. My brother on the other hand is looking at the past, and needs to have something proven to him to except this relationship.

[Wakeup]

Your life. If you don't learn any lessons from this and the way YOU act, then you're just going to get more and more BS relationship interactions.

Your brother had a lot of negative things to say about you being in a relationship with this guy. Just what were the negatives? I think they may be relative to the advice you're going to get... as would knowing what these so called "issues" are he needs to overcome before he can be with you.

Are the negative things your brother has to say about this assclown so bad that you don't want to tell us what they are? You didn't answer the question above in quotes.