Lack of intimacy in early stages of dating. Need advice and input.

[angel_of_death]

I need advice.

Met a girl from dating site.

We've had 4 dates.

1st date, I bring her to this wonderful place, kind of a resto/lounge/bar right near the sea.
We spent about an hour and a half getting to know eachother. The next 2 hours we played scrabble and had
a great time.

2nd date, I bring her to another place with a great atmosphere in a nice area in the city, and we did
some walking close to the mountain. Had a great time. I was flirting with her more. Kept making her laugh.


3rd date, she decided on a dessert place. Spent about an hour there. Then she brought me to a place I had never
heard of where you pick a sculpture, purchase it then use their tools to paint it's ceramic so they keep it for
a few weeks to finish it up. We spent a good 4 hours there, and just got lost in conversations and the time just
flew. During this time she shared that she came off a relationship not long ago and she wanted to keep things slow.
She said that she had a feeling that I was going to attempt to kiss her (which was true) and advised me in
advance not to. (very dissapointing)

In between all these dates we've been messaging every day but not constantly...just keeping regular touch.

4th date weather is amazing I bring her to do a pic nic near the water, I brought a bottle of red wine to share
and some sandwhiches. We stayed there for about 3 hours and watched the sunset. Then we went to a bar close by
and had one of her friends meet up and stayed another 3-4 hours there. As we were leaving and going our own way,
I asked her...good night kiss? And she gave me the smallest kiss she could on my cheek.

She asked if I was available to meet again that weekend, like 2 days later but our schedules didn't match.

I'm hestitant to keep this going. I really like her. She's beautiful. But I'm craving intimacy and I'm getting
nothing. I'm not even thinking about getting in her pants.

What's up with this chick? Will she magically open up soon?

My problem with confronting her about it is the fact that if ever it were to happen afterwards it wouldn't feel
natural and a little awkward.

I don't know what to do.

[aprilshowers]

Maybe she has been burned in the past and is afraid of letting someone in. She might not be sure if she is ready for a relationship and when you get that first kiss out of the way lots of people take it as if it is now a relationship and maybe she is just a bit afraid.
As a female I have to admit that when I really liked a guy I always would crave affection but that is just me. Maybe just ask her straight out and then you will know.

[michelle23]

Youve only been on 4dates. She barely knows you. If your just looking for sex then find someone else. If you want a solid relationship then take it slow. You have to build a foundation and in my experience its more awkward and un-natural if its too soon. She has to trust you

[purple_roses]

I agree with you that one small kiss is not asking for that much. She definetly has her guard up. I would give it two more dates if u really like her, and if u two can't hold hands or give a single peck then something is up with her and she doesn't sound ready for a relationship.

[dontaskme]

Forget it, she's not into you.

[pseudosooz]

She obviously enjoys her time with you or else she wouldn't keep arranging to meet. Her end game would be the same as yours, it's just that you two are at different levels of 'ready'. If you enjoy her, then be patient. If you can't be patient, be honest, if you can't be honest, then she was right to not get involved with you.
Good Luck

[angel_of_death]

She obviously enjoys her time with you or else she wouldn't keep arranging to meet. Her end game would be the same as yours, it's just that you two are at different levels of 'ready'. If you enjoy her, then be patient. If you can't be patient, be honest, if you can't be honest, then she was right to not get involved with you.
Good Luck

I appreciate the advice. I agree with you, we have 2 different of ready. I did confront her, this was done by some text exchanges.

I basically let her know that if she didn't open up to me it would be hard to go forward. She mentioned about taking things slow, to which I made her realize that taking it slow can be subjective, as from my perspective I've been taking it slow.

Conversation ended by me telling her that I like her and I don't resent her and I wished her to find a guy who would show the patience she needed.

The next morning she texted me saying that she wanted to invite me to dinner "tonight" and talk face to face ...and she also said "who knows what desert will hold lol".

So I agreed to meet her as she seems interested in making things work.

Not sure what to expect tonight, I'm going in with in have nothing to lose mindset but the truth is that I'm hoping for a positive outcome.

[surfhb]

Listen man. You're going to seriously blow this one if all that you're thinking about is getting some serious make out session or sex.

She's already made is clear she's been burned and wants to take things slow. It might take awhile so if you think she's worth it then I suggest you back off with your way of thinking. This isn't a race and im not saying stop your advancements but let her open up in her own time

Btw....her last comment was pretty sweet! No pun intended!

Don't make the same mistakes lots of guys make. Just go out and have fun....enjoy each other's time. It's only 4 dates for Christs Sakes!

[Incognito030707]

If you think she is real relationship material and you want to really score some brownie points.... if she says she's ok with sex tell her that you want to wait until she is 100% comfortable and ready. Show self control and understanding and it will get you SOOO much further than Scrabble, wine, and sunsets combined.

[angel_of_death]

Like I said earlier my goal was not to get in her pants, I just wanted her to open up to even if it's slowly. Opening up doesn't just imply physical touch but also other things. But she always remained very secretive and mysterious which could lead me to interpret things in a wrong way. This is something I have told her.

When we met yesterday, as we were crossing the street a car backed up into her. So I grabbed her and made sure she was safe and OK...and the person in the car was being a serious jerk and I stood up for her and she thanked me after for that. I thought this was a good start under the circumstance and was looking forward to work things out with her. I was happy she was giving ''us'' a chance.

I was already a little pumped up because of that situation which made me a little upset but I was still in control. When we sat down and ordered our drinks, I honestly thought we would talk like 2 adults and figure this out. But she went on for about 10 minutes about random stuff, I had to tell her a few times to keep her voice down....she wasn't looking for compromise, she was blaming me and saying things like you've never been in love and you've never been hurt. And that she felt like she needed to teach me life lessons.

When I tried to give my input she would cut me off and talk over me, she seemed pretty mad. So I asked her, what's your point of inviting me here, to just unleash on me? Or did you actually expect for us to work things out? I asked her again if we can have a conversation like 2 adults and that she let me speak. After her continuing with her negative attitude, I was pretty upset, I got up and yelled at her ''I dumped you once by text, now let me do it to your face ! '' Took a last sip and took off. So it's over.

I was mean to her, I'm sure she cried. It's something I felt bad about afterwards, deep down she's a good person who probably has some issues, but I've always treated her like a princess and I was upset at the fact that she invited me to dinner and act as childish as she was. She got humiliated in public, but she asked for it.

She did admit at some point, that she felt we had a connection that she didnt find with any other guys she met and she was starting to have feelings for me. If she had opened up before, just a little and showed that to me then maybe things would've been different.

I was ready to take some blame. But it takes 2 to make things work. What did she expect for me at that point? Say I'm sorry please forgive me?

[dontaskme]

I told you she wasn't into you.

[TablesandChairs]

That's all a bit heavy after a handful of dates...if she's not ready for dating and relationships, why is she on a dating site? Strange.