What hope does a horrible person have?

[Wasting Light]

I'm a horrible person. I can't really deny that. I've been alone my entire life because I'm a horrible person. I've never had any kind of social life, I've certainly never experience love, romance, or intimacy, all because I'm a horrible person. I'm unlikable, people want absolutely nothing to do with me, because I'm a horrible person.

And despite being such a horrible person, I feel bad about it, I feel incredibly lonely, and distressed by it. But I don't even know how to be different. I'm not this way on purpose. I've been a horrible person for as long as I can remember. It's really just who I am. I can't even begin to fathom how to just be someone else entirely.

Granted, a horrible person like me SHOULD be as alone and miserable as I am. That is "justice", in a sense. But it still bothers me. I wonder what kind of "hope" there is for a guy like me, a horrible person.

[TheEvilJester]

I guess you'd have to define what makes you such a horrible person. I could understand if you'd rather not, but if you can please elaborate. I used to think I was a horrible person, but that was just because of having a very low self-esteem (if I even had one at all). I've gotten over that, though, and realize that I am downright awesome. I sort of hate saying that because it sounds cocky, but I personally feel I deserve it after all that I have been through in my life.

So, you'd have to define what makes you so horrible and unlikeable.

That said.... if you ask me it seems like the horrible people in life are the ones who get everything while us nice guys get $h*t all over and treated like trash. I swear, it has been so hard sometimes for me not to just give up and give in to my darkness. It has been so hard not to just let the monster within swallow me and take control. But I will not let this world, horrible as it may be, change who I am.

[Wasting Light]

Well, I guess the easiest way to explain what makes me a "horrible person" is that I don't really care about people, in fact, I kind of hate people. I realize that seems contradictory to being as lonely as I am, and I can't really explain that, as I don't understand it, myself.

But essentially, I just find people to be annoying, obnoxious, and dumb, and I feel like people get in my way more than anything else. I don't like interacting with people if I don't have to, because I feel like they just get in my way and hinder me. I have a very strict "If you want something done right, do it yourself" mentality. I really don't care what other people have going on in their lives; I dislike idle chit chat and "pleasantries", and I'm just not interested in the lives of anyone else.

Like I said, I feel like many of the people I interact with throughout my life are "dumb", compared to myself, and I don't want to connect with people I perceive as "dumb". I also don't care what anyone has to say about anything; in my mind, I know everything, I'm right about everything, and I've no interest in being told differently, nor do I care enough about anyone else's opinions to take advice.

I'm arrogant, I'm self-absorbed, I'm stubborn, I hate people on a basic level, I'm miserable and bitter; that's what makes me a horrible person.

[dontaskme]

If you dislike people, what are you doing here getting advice from people that you hate? And if you know about everything, you should know the answer to your problems.

[Wasting Light]

If you dislike people, what are you doing here getting advice from people that you hate? And if you know about everything, you should know the answer to your problems.

I don't know, I just feel bad. I'm getting close to hitting 30, and during my entire life, I've never had even one friend, never dated, I've been alone my whole life. Lately, I keep thinking about how my life is pretty much half over at this point, and how I'm going to die completely alone, without anyone even noticing or caring in the least bit. And that just makes me, well... hurt. It scares me a lot, but I don't know how to just be a completely different person. At this point in my life, I'm pretty set in my ways, and I've been this "horrible person" for as long as I can remember; to an extent, I think it's just who I am. And it all just has me feeling really upset.

[pcmaster]

Thats horrible lol.



Seriously man just start from outside. Thats the easiest way. Start with your looks then pick up a sport for example bodybuilding. And get a pet cause you need something to love and care about. Get a social job or hobby - something where you get to meet people then you will get to know yourself better tru communicating with them. Also get a therapy and counseling.

[surfhb]

Hello troll

[Wasting Light]

Get a social job or hobby - something where you get to meet people then you will get to know yourself better tru communicating with them.

I've worked in a "customer service" job for several years, now, and honestly, that's only really made me dislike people even more.

And get a pet cause you need something to love and care about.

I had a dog for a number of years that I loved a lot, but he passed away of old age a while back. I got another dog, and I've had him for a few years, now, but I just don't feel a "connection" with him.

[TablesandChairs]

There aren't two ways about it - you either change or die alone.

Problem is - laziness and egocentricity. Friendships/Relationships take effort, compromise time and the ability to not put yourself first all the time. For most people, it's a worthwhile investment but while most humans are social creatures, not all are. Depending on where you are on the autism spectrum could make you less likely to be able to form/maintain social bonds.

It's ultimately up to you; I'm sure you're not an idiot and know what it takes to form relationships with people. But if you feel like everyone is stupid, below you, annoying...then that's okay too but you need to make your peace with a hermit's life.

[Wasting Light]

How does one change who they are, though? It's like, I want to be different, but what am I supposed to do? I can't "force" myself to like people and find them less unappealing. It's not for lack of exposure, so what can I really do?

It's ultimately up to you; I'm sure you're not an idiot and know what it takes to form relationships with people.

You may be giving me too much credit, there. I've spent so much of my life disliking people that I really don't think I know how to properly form and maintain relationships with people. I have a hard time even having conversations with most people. I hate "chit chat", because I just absolutely don't care about that stuff.

The times I HAVE tried to make an effort to connect with people never yielded even slight success. People never want anything to do with me, even when I'm trying to make the effort and give them a chance.

[TheEvilJester]

It definitely sounds like your problems are bigger than any one person. For the record, I definitely know how you feel. I've been there myself, but in my case it wasn't inherent, it was more through experience. It is a little different because I do want to connect with people, but there have been times when I felt shunned by everybody and it has turned me very cynical and caused me to close myself off.

It's only by the grace of God and my own inner-strength that I was able to turn myself back around.... on a number of occasions. In your case, though, it sounds like this is just inherently in your nature. So, it sounds like you would really need professional help to learn how to work around it/get over it. I don't mean that to sound like I am saying "You need help, bro." It's not meant as a slight against you, its just that anybody dealing with what you are would need some help. It doesn't seem like something anybody could be expected to tackle without some help.

The fact that you realize you have a problem is a good first step. It shows you at least want to change, even if you may not think you can. And the truth is, you will have to change if you do not want to be alone. Because people don't like to have friends, or a significant other, that they constantly have to doubt whether the person even gives a crap about them.

[woody]

Wasting light,

Well at least you have a good sense of who you think you are. Hey, most people don't groove with most people; it's what makes those uber rare chance meets of one's (one) you do jive with so flippin great.

But you claim you've been alone your entire life. Not even one friend? Okay. You know, they say that at the end of a lifetime, if you can count your true friends (friend) on one hand, you've got more than most.

Maybe your just holding out for someone who strikes a nerve with you; some one similar to you. I hope you find them.
I don't think your so horrible. If you kick cats or drown puppies, maybe. You don't do you? Anyway, hey, life's not so bad. Get out to the woods, up to your local mountains. If you don't like the human aspect of the World, there's allot of beautiful things to appreciate out yonder way. Hey, why not. Too gorgeous out there to not take it all in. Might help

I hope you get struck by cupids arrow and meet some person that makes your knees weak. I also suggest ingesting some m.j helps lighten things up. Followed by a Tom Robbins novel. Jitterbug Perfume.

[Wasting Light]

Maybe your just holding out for someone who strikes a nerve with you; some one similar to you. I hope you find them.

I've met a small handful of people in my lifetime that I did "like" in some capacity (whether it be platonic or romantic), and I DID "put in the effort", I DID try to be the best version of me I could possibly be, in order to have them in my life. But every one of those people wanted absolutely nothing to do with me, regardless of what I said or did or how I acted.

I don't think your so horrible. If you kick cats or drown puppies, maybe. You don't do you?

No, of course not. But the fact that people want nothing to do with me no matter what suggests to me that I must be pretty bad.

[pcmaster]

Well man maybe you dont have enough common interests with people or/and you dont do what they are doing thats why they dont find you interesting.

Thing is when you tried to like those people that you liked perhaps you came from the place of neediness and desperation. You did try to become better person for them but you stopped. Mistake was doing it for them not for yourself. Shall you loved yourself from beginning it would be much easier to attract other people. When there are people who dont like you at the same time there are others who do. You just havent met them yet.

[Wasting Light]

Well man maybe you dont have enough common interests with people or/and you dont do what they are doing thats why they dont find you interesting.

I guess that's possible, although the reason I liked those few people to begin with was because I felt like I had more in common with them than most other people.

I don't feel like I was being needy and desperate to them. I wasn't trying to be better FOR them, actually, I think just being around those certain people brought out the more tolerable version of me. I tried to connect with them like how I figure any "normal" person connects with another. I didn't stop being "better" until after they had already rejected me, because I wasn't feeling the same about other people around me.

Seems to me that if there was even one person I could connect with, I should've met them by now. It's not really "normal" for someone to be almost 30 and to be completely alone and to be rejected by every person for any kind of interpersonal relationship.