Just a Rebound? How to know

[Ms6293]

Please read. Guy Iv been dating 3 weeks now , it's been going amazing. I've passed been in an almost 6 year relationship a year and a half ago, I was single 8/9 months been back dating for 8 months Iv been hurt over and over so I'm very cautious and careful , 3 weeks is short but I don't jump into anything but with this guy the connection and chemistry was so strong,I finally thought I found a worthy guy , we both felt like we've known each other forever. He took me out, even offered me to borrow his car for a while. Texts every morning, etc. But this weekend I found out that he had gotn out of a relationship very soon when we first met. Like days soon! I think maybe they were together like 6/7 months but I am not positive , I tried to find out more about their relationship from past social network post and it seems like she argues a lot like I saw a lot about her getting upset just because a girl would like his pic. And that u can't make anyone love u etc, this was me tryin to find evidence these were old post. But I found out Sunday he's been talkin to his ex, idk how long this has started. He says they are just friends and he wants me. Keeps saying this doesn't has to end, he really likes me blah blah. And I'm so hurt because I thought he was such a great guy and really liked me. I let him go because Iv been so hurt before, idk if he will text today, he did yesterday asking what are we gonna do and that he didn't want it to end. He never agreed to stop talking to her, I really didn't ask him because why should I have to. I let him have her, so Why is he doing this! ? I'm done with guys i can't handle any more pain. But So was I just a rebound? Did he really like me? If I was a rebound why does he even care to still want to to me? I feel terrible because I kno I am such a good woman, what should I do ??

[dontaskme]

Yes you are a rebound. In your other post, I suggested for you to dump the guy. He is disrespectful to you. He shouldn't be talking to his ex at all. Let this one go. Don't sweat it. It's a three week relationship.

[Ms6293]

I never said it was a relationship. We've been dating 3 weeks , not a relationship. He now wants to be in a relationship with me.(say so) But if he is conversating with her and I told him to just go and be with her then I don't get why he won't just stop contacting me , leave me alone , and just be with her now

[dontaskme]

The answer remains the same, dating or relationship. Ignore him and don't sweat it. Why does it matter? Clearly, he's still disrespectful. If he's dating you, he should be done for good with his ex, don't you think so?

Best you can do is ignore him. There is no sense trying to look for answer why he does the things he does. Unless you want to dwell in something that is clearly a waste of your precious time?

[michelle23]

Well the fact shes still in his life kinda says it all and hes not willing to cut her off so my advice is still the same too. Move on. Exes are drama, they create insecurity, jealousy, dysfunction. If hes not willing to stop contact with her then hes not ready to move on.

My current bf actually split with his ex a month before meeting me but they wernt v serious and he had zero contact after they split and were still together 6 years on.. but this guy is still clinging to her for some reason so yes the chances of you being a rebound are high

[Ms6293]

He texted me today saying he promises he will stop talking to her, I'm first in his life and she was just a friend now. He says he will prove it to me and blah blah. So all of this makes me really confused to whether I'm just a rebound or if he really likes me because why won't he just go away why does he keep trying to make things up to me and pursue me. It's just so confusing to tell if he's the great guy I met and saw or of he is just an ass. I'm not dumb at all but He is putting in so much effort that I can't help but be a little confused to why he is even worrying about me now

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And the messages online that I saw, they were chatting about the football game , so that's when I asked him about her and that's when he told me they just conversate but that's all it is. But I can't trust people so even if it was just about a game I cant help but flip still

[dontaskme]

If he really loves you, let him wait for awhile. The one who's rushing to be in a relationship after days of breaking up with their ex are the one's really hurting and they want to mask and bury their pain by diving into a relationship right away. IMO, that's the reason why he's too eager to want to jump into a relationship with you.

Date him for sometime until you can spot more red flags, but don't invest too much on this guy. He's definitely flashing some red flags already.

[michelle23]

I think there is no harm in going on a few dates but take it slow, get to know him as a person, get to know his friends a little. If they seem like genuine, decent people than that will tell you a lot about his character too or if they are all players and assholes-he more than likely is too. Birds of a feather flock together and all that..see what you think then. Just keep your emotions out of it for awhile and no sex until your sure about him.

And chemistry, the strong connection you are feeling and the intensity just mean that your genes are a biological match and you would have healthy babies together. That is why infatuation takes over and makes you think your like "soul mates" or some bullshit but the reality is, its just hormones so you need to keep your head on your shoulders and assess whether he as a person is what you want and are you compatible in terms of morals, values, beliefs, life goals, emotionally etc and eventually sexually. That is what sums up whether two people make a good match or not, not some butterflies in your stomach.

Go with the flow, relax and realize its not the end of the world if it doesn't work out. You will feel that connection again with someone else. There is no such thing as "the one" or a "soul mate". Its just a disney fantasy so you have to determine whether he is a good match for you in every way

And stop living in fear. You have been hurt before, I get that but your still standing, your fine. Your stronger than you think. Pain in only temporary and you will get over it if you do end up getting hurt so relax a little.

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I will just add, if you have been hurt and fallen for the "wrong types" a lot then there is something wrong with your judgement or maybe you rush in too quick or maybe you have low self esteem and think that is what you deserve or maybe you hate being alone so you settle. I am not saying this to offend you, just being real and telling it like it is. Whatever the problem is, figure it out, fix it, change the pattern and take control. Learn from past mistakes and move forward

[Ms6293]

Thanks guys great advice!

[Ms6293]

Two days later guys , we didn't speak at all yesterday, tonight he contacted me and kept begging me to be in his life again but I eventually drug out the reason behind the ex until I got a real answer. Smh so she expressed she still has feelings and wants to be with him, and he admitted he still has some feelings too ,but that then he met me and Saw that I'm a wonderful and amazing woman, he never met anyone like me before etc. it made him confused. all of that bus of course I told him to go be with her and I just feel so so freakin hurt again but I'm done with anything about him guys. I was right to do this correct?

[Ms6293]

So he has been blowing me up non stop begging for another chance. Saying he misses me, Begging me to be back in my life he says he just can't leave me alone because he really cared about me and he never met any woman like me and that I am so amazing etc.and how he will prove to me he won't talk to her again. So Iv already established that I let him go and I don't give second chances so I'm not saying I will continue to date him the trust is gone, but I don't totally think I was all just a rebound and that his feelings are fake. Maybe I suppose to be and then he fell for me possibly? If nothing to him but a rebound was the case he would just jump and be back with his ex like she wants, and he wouldn't be chasing and begging me for another chance.

[michelle23]

He could just be bruised that you rejected him which makes him want you more.. but that could just be temporary coz right now your a "challenge". After a month together, he would likely start comparing you both and thats when people realize its a rebound.

His intentions are prob good but that doesnt mean hes ready for a new relationship or that he wont hurt you.

Its not supposed to be this complicated. And after 3 weeks you both shouldnt be so emotional. Your acting like hes cheated on you after 3 years together. Its over the top and doesnt fit the situation.

[dontaskme]

You're a rebound, accept that. And he's full of it too because he only was broken up with the ex for a few days before dating you so they still have feelings for each other. Basically, you are just a chopped liver although you don't know it yet.

[Ms6293]

Dontaskme you're a bitter lonely person obviously. All u do is leave negative comments on everyone's post. We all see why u have no one and u probably never will

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I found out He wasn't even with his ex for a long time just about 3 months. they never even said I love you or anything. He says he did really like me but now after meeting me he's never met anyone like me. He's not trying to rush me into a relationship anymore or anything, but says after a month of knowing me he feels like I am truly something special. She wants to be back with him but he wants to be with me.

[dontaskme]

Dontaskme you're a bitter lonely person obviously. All u do is leave negative comments on everyone's post. We all see why u have no one and u probably never will

Lol, I happen to be very successful and has been in a long term relationship with the nicest and successful guy. Speak for yourself woman!

You came here for advice and yet you only want to hear what is pleasant to your ears. You are living in a dream and very unrealistic. Get real. If you can't take opinions, don't post.

I love how you make assumptions though, it speaks loud about your personality, hahaha!

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I found out He wasn't even with his ex for a long time just about 3 months. they never even said I love you or anything. He says he did really like me but now after meeting me he's never met anyone like me. He's not trying to rush me into a relationship anymore or anything, but says after a month of knowing me he feels like I am truly something special. She wants to be back with him but he wants to be with me.

You are even more senseless than I thought, believing every word that the guy says to you. You are really laughable.