Can't read the signals

[Rompi]

Hey everyone. It's long, but I'd really appreciate the help.

It has been about a month since I first contacted my ex gf via a short casual text to which she responded rather positively. Before then, I had kept NC since our breakup for about 4 months, but curiosity has its ways...

Our breakup was relatively cordial and although we were both a bit upset, neither of us let our emotions get the better of us. She called it off and admittedly, I do believe she did the right thing.

Anyway, so I had a few more text conversations with her, most of which was rather amicable. I gave her a few implicit complements, saying I knew she had what it takes to overcome final exams at school and such, though I don't know whether she was touched by this. One day, she asked me via text if I could play in her audition band for a university course in music. Needless to say, I was a bit surprised and asked her if she was sure about it (given our current awkward position) to which she said, 'of course I am. You're the best bass player I know .' (I play double bass). I was rather taken aback by this, but regardless I said I could help her. She soon asked me for some advice regarding what she should play. I offered my two cents and that was that for a couple of weeks.

Anyway, she eventually called me and we discussed practical information and such. I decided to ask her about how she was going with school and all to which she told me with decent detail about what had been happening with her recently (musical events, school stress etc). However, she didn't really ask me about how I was doing. She also mentioned her upcoming formal very briefly which kind of made me feel a bit sad as I went with her last year and I don't know why she mentioned it.

I then had to meet her in person due to other musical reasons (we play in a separate band together). There were other people there and although we exchanged the occasional glance, she did not come up to me and talk to me at all and left before I could talk to her. But as I was going home, she texted me. I called her to ask her for more info on her uni band. Once again when I asked her how she was and she told me a couple of funny stories, but did not ask about me.

Anyway, I'll just leave my questions numbered.

1. It's probably hard for you guys to gauge, but do you think she wants me to play music with her because she still cares about me or my musicianship. Or perhaps a bit of both?
2. What does this hot-cold friendliness mean? She is friendly enough to text me about practical matters and give me familiar anecdotes about how she is over the phone. But she won't actively ask about myself on the phone or speak to me in a group scenario. I'm so confused...
3. I admit it, I still have feelings for her. Given what I have said, do you guys think she still has feelings for me? Does she just want to be friends and fellow musicians with me again? Or is she too embarrassed to admit her feelings, given she was the dumper.

[Whisteria]

She's confused and hurt still, unsure of what is going on at the moment. People never know what they want until a piece of the puzzle can be put together. Her telling you stories can also mean she's comfortable and know you will not judge therefore you are like a great listening buddy. Of course she still has feelings yet she probably does not want to admit it, it can depend on the circumstances you broke up. Perhaps she feels guilty for letting go first if the breakup was not reasonable which causes a situation like this. Just ask her straight, you should be comfortable enough to admit it. Once its out you will be able to move on and do whatever you have to however do not always do favours for her without a LEGITIMATE reason, she would just be using you then.

All you need to do is ask her.

[Wakeup]

You need to ask her out on a date and if she says NO then you have to move on. Asking us those questions is just futile because any answer you get from us is simply speculation.

You have to see that the reason she is talking to you is because you've initiated all of the conversations including what she's been up to and how she's been. She's not asked you anything about yourself which, if nothing else, makes her rude and self-absorbed with you. (that's based on facts you've presented not something I think is going on in her head)

Ask her out for a cup of coffee and see what she has to say. BTW: This isn't something you want to hear but she doesn't show any signs of still liking you in a romantic sense by what you've shared. However that doesn't mean that she wouldn't be interested... it just means none of what you say is a sign of romantic feelings... it's just her responding to your initiation.

[Rompi]

Hey, Wakeup and Whisteria. Thank you both for the feedback. Most appreciated!

I guess you are right Wakeup, I have always had the predisposition to over-analyse with my intuition. But as you implicitly stated, there are severe limitations in my interpretation of facts and events and hence, only shallow inferences can be made by you internet folk. She is not rude or self absorbed, I can tell you that. But of course, it is incredibly difficult for you to make such a judgement given the impediments and limitations of my recount. Regardless, I am grateful for your advice! I guess the only way to truly find out is to ask her...

I would like to ask her out for a cup of coffee to clear things up, but given her impending final exams, I feel it would be incredibly inconsiderate to flip the table during these stressful times. I think the best course of action is to bide my time, keep things friendly and passive. I think I will ask her how she feels during our summer break. Unfortunately, this isn't until December, but I feel doing it sooner would be giving her unnecessary stress.

Just wanted to clarify what you guys think? Is this the best course of action to take given she's experiencing the full brunt of exams right now?

[Wakeup]

Yes... don't burden her when she's already stressed out regarding her exams. She's more likely to turn you down if she feels she's already stretched to her limit.

Good luck.