so this is my first post i i need lots of advice

[ldawg616]

Hi there! This is going to sound very stupid and I should of figured this wouldn't work out a long time ago. But one day I had to go to a psych ward because I was detoxing from vicodin and I met this really cute girl who unfortunately does a lot of self harm. Now we started talking and she seemed to of been really into me, we exchanged phone numbers and she said she wanted to move in with me after knowing her for only a few days. I finally got out of the hospital and I kept in touch with her. She wanted me to pick her up from the hospital and I did and she stayed at my house for the night but she didnt seem like she wanted to be around me at all, almost like i disgusted her. So she went home and I started using drugs again this time i woke up in the hospital and y parents had enough so i went to rehab in another state. I called her once and she didnt seem too happy to be hearing from me, I called her a weak later and she seemed pretty happy to be hearing from me but I stopped calling her until i got out of rehab and ws moved into a transitional living, I called her and she told me shes having a ruff time because she moved out with a girl who she met in her group home with. I didnt find out they were dating until they broke up and what not. So I periodictly kept in touch with her. In mid may she told me what happend with her and her girlfriend and she was in the psych ward for a month or so, I went back to my home to visit and i hung out with her alot that week. She waas very charming and told me she was going to miss me and what not but she also told me she has borderline personality disorder she cuts her self and has an eating disorder and has co dependent relationships but i didnt really think anything was bad at the time since i was havning fun with her. I had to go back to my sober living in another state because my visit was over and from then it seems like everything was changing, like she seemed distracted and un interested when talking to me at least some times...like one day i feel great about her the next im iffy. I really like this girl and recently i feel even worse about this relationship and I feel like she only talks to me when shes bored and has no one else to talk to...I feel like shes playing games with my head...like this past wekend she called me thursday night and i didnt get to the phone in time and so i called her and left her a message, then friday she called me and i missed the call because i was asleep and she said in her message that she shouldnt have anything going on so call her whenebver I can and i did and she didnt answer or call back so i called her twice more and didnt get a response so i texted her saying hey i hope ur doing well and i would love to talk to you..she texted me back saying lets talk tomorow so i told her shes confusing me...she called me a little later that night iand i felt like she was talking down to me she was saying i dont always wnat to talk to people and u know that bullshit. But we finally talked yestarday and she seemed pretty fake...it was a 40 minute conversation but it felt very fake. She told me that her ex girlfriends mom called and told her that her ex is in rehab and for her to call her and she says shes not going to call her because everyone tells her not too but I think thats bullshit and i think she will call her. i asked her why when they were going out did she not tell me and her response was that she didnt think I would understand and im so pissed at myself for not telling her that i thought that was bullshit and im not a kid...i also confided in her something very traumatic from my childhood and she was like "oh wow i dont know how to confort you" I felt like she was almost laughing...she says that we will speak soon again which probably means she will call me sometime this week or something but I dont know if I should answer or call her back i like her a lot more than she likes me and ive practicly given her my heart and she rips it up...so I dont know what I should do...I assume she will call me but I dont know and I dont even know if I should answer or call her back? Maybe if I dont do you think that would show her that i think shes full of shit and that i deserve more or what? Im really really stressing out about this, i think i need to start going out on dates because shes the only girl i think about and its disabling me....I think i come off way to needy for her and i want to stop with that so maybe space would be good?

[ldawg616]

bump please

[TablesandChairs]

I think it's time you got your priorities straight - for your sake and your families sake. Right now, that priority is getting clean, healthy and back on track.

Relationships formed in rehab are never a good thing - people in rehab are there for a reason; they cling onto people because they're vulnerable, lonely and miserable, dealing with multiple issues and who knows what else. You don't really know this girl and borderline personality disorder is a tough thing to crack - men who date women with BPD often say it was like a roller-coaster in hell. I've worked with women with BPD and, harsh as it sounds, if I had a brother - I would warn him against dating them. Strongly.

Don't distract yourself from what you should be doing - she could end up causing you a lot more harm than good and you'll end up at square one sooner than you think. This is no time to be in any relationship, let alone a relationship with a damaged individual that has a lot of work ahead of her in terms of recovery.

See it for what it is - two people in rehab looking for something to latch onto. Then move on.

[pcmaster]

Well man this girl seems like a struggle. besides you seem inexpierienced since you got attached to her so fast. What could be so special about her is that you are drawn to girls with problems becuase you have problems aswell.

How old are you? How old is she? Arent there any local girls who you could date right away? If you think about her so often why dont you call her every day? Whats your previous relationship history?

I suggest you just forget about this troubled girl. She have a mood swings that you dont understand besides she seems to cut off people when in bad mood. You could aswell talk with other girls and find much easier girl to deal with.

[ldawg616]

Well im 24 and shes 30, I havent been in many relationships so you're right im inexpirienced...ive been dealing with major depressive disorder and post traumatic stress disorder for awhile now. I want to call her everyday but i dont know if i can have the 45 minute conversations i have with her when we talk once a week so i dont want to sound boring to her. I guess I can start dating girls while im living out of state but Im kind of shy so im not good at it although I am a pretty good looking guy i just struggle with social anxiety. I can connect with her because we have similar goals and interests but i guess I should look elsewhere.

I dont really know where i should start looking for a date, I can have a good way with words but idk id like some suggestions

Should I even call her now? She calls me once a week to talk but lately ive been coming off clingy and needy so maybe I should give her some space and be a little unpredictable by not calling her back or just calling her like ive always been doing? Thanks for yalls feedback i really needed it

[pcmaster]

I have a guide for you that could help you with shyness

loveforum.net/the-relationship-news-and-articles/85674-guide-interacting-girls.html

[surfhb]

Dude! Don't you know these are the kind of people you DONT want in your life?

I mean, c'mon. Think bro !

[dontaskme]

Why don't you take care of your issues first before worrying about dating girls. Nothing good will come out of any future relationships until you sort out all your problems first.

You're still young, plenty of time to meet decent girls, but will be unable to have healthy relationship until your totally clean and able to keep yourself emotionally unattached until you're emotionally strong.

Keep out of those emotionally and mentally unstable girls. They're nothing but trouble and can really pull you down and go back to the habits that you've been trying to kick out for all this time.

[lovebroken]

The last thing you need is girl drama and relationship drama, focus on you and you alone! Get well.

[ldawg616]

thanks for all the advice yall! So should i even contact her anymore? We talk a few times a week but im getting the impression from youall that i should just cease contact with her. What do I do if she calls me?

[milk&honey]

You need to work on your own life first. Everything will fall into place from there

[ldawg616]

What would you consider a simple response that would show her that? I dont think she even likes me in a bf gf way more just a friend but i like her like that and I wish she would like me like that and wish there was a way to do that...but at the same time yall are telling me its not worth it so im tripping out on what to do