We are friends, she got a boyfriend, and I love her. Should I invest?

[Azwraith]

I have met this girl in college, and we get along really well. Actually, we spend all the time together, just the two of us. And I ended up liking her. But she is dating a guy already. I feel really bad and feel l.ike I am kind of trying to steal her from the guy. I don't want her to cheat him, because I have been cheated already, and it hurts too much. But if I don't tell her, we will never know what could happen. Any suggestion guys?

[TheEvilJester]

You are right to not want to try to steal her away. That would be wrong, and apparently you've experienced how much that can hurt. So, the solution to your problem really depends on you. The important question you have to seriously ask yourself is this....

Can you truthfully see yourself remaining friends with her without just waiting around hoping she becomes single? In other words, can you move on, let her be happy, and even search for other women as potential matches for you, all while still remaining friends with her? And when I say that, this does not mean you are dating other women secretly just wishing they were her, or secretly just hoping if you wait around long enough she will become available. This means you seriously move on from the possibility of dating her and go after other women.

If you can do that, then go ahead and remain friends with her. If you can successfully do that, then why lose out on a good friend? Not to mention, you never know what could happen. Maybe she'd become single later, and at that point (after giving her appropriate time to move on, of course) you could see if you still feel it would be worth pursuing a relationship with her.

However, if you feel like you cannot do that.... If you feel like you'd really just be waiting around hoping she becomes available, then you owe it to yourself to move on and end the friendship. It is sad, but you owe it to yourself not to remain hooked on somebody who is unavailable. It certainly sounds like you are more in this boat. It doesn't sound like you want to remain just friends with her. But, I am not you, so I cannot tell you how you feel. However, you really need to seriously consider this yourself. It isn't right to her, nor is it right to you, if you are just her friend because you are secretly hoping you can wait around until it can become more.

Good luck either way, my friend.

[michelle23]

The short answer is no. You shouldn't stay friends with her if you have feelings and she doesn't. My advice is to cut contact, get over her and move on

[Azwraith]

Thank you very much guys, I will follow these advices and try to understand what I really want with her

[Wakeup]

Stop being just friends with girls. If you like them then go for a date immediately. Stop being a male girlfriend and you won't find yourself in this type of situation again. If they have a boyfriend then don't bother even saying hello to them again and that way you won't find yourself in love with someone else's girl.

Have college men for platonic friends and woman for dating. Its the "K.I.S.S" method of getting on in life.. Keep. It. Simple. Stupid.

[Azwraith]

Stop being just friends with girls. If you like them then go for a date immediately. Stop being a male girlfriend and you won't find yourself in this type of situation again. If they have a boyfriend then don't bother even saying hello to them again and that way you won't find yourself in love with someone else's girl.

Have college men for platonic friends and woman for dating. Its the "K.I.S.S" method of getting on in life.. Keep. It. Simple. Stupid.

Well, I have heard that many times, and I really thank you for the advice. But I also know of many, many relationships where both of them were friends, became best friends, and then they ended up getting married and now they are really , really happy, and they really love each other. That is what gives me the doubt

[TheEvilJester]

True, that can happen. It's just, it may or it may not. So, you just can't put your life on hold hoping that it will happen. If she's in a relationship, then either move on and stop hanging out with her, or move on and be just her friend (again, literally JUST her friend). You owe it to yourself not to be stuck in limbo because you are waiting on a girl who may or may not ever become available... and even if she does may or may not even be able to think of you in that way. Imagine if you wait around, and finally she becomes single.... only for you to learn that she only really sees you as a friend and nothing more.

So, again, if you cannot see being just her friend, then you need to move on and break off contact with her. You owe it to her, but more importantly you owe it to yourself.

[Wakeup]

Well, I have heard that many times, and I really thank you for the advice. But I also know of many, many relationships where both of them were friends, became best friends, and then they ended up getting married and now they are really , really happy, and they really love each other. That is what gives me the doubt

Here's a hint. Women don't find men like you attractive. They (Most of them anyway) find men who don't take a second seat to another man attractive. The paradox is that if you didn't bother with her once you found out that she had a boyfriend, she'd more likely then not find you more interesting then she does now that she knows you're too weak to get on without her in your life and instead you'd take on the role of being her emotional tampon and male GIRLfriend.

Confident men that want to get on with their life without a woman dictating their emotions would never stick around a girl they want that doesn't want them just to get some bits of crumbs of attention from her.

[TheEvilJester]

I have to agree with Wakeup. Some people believe in the "wear them down" kinda thing, but I personally never have. If a girl isn't interested in you as more than friends, then you need to move on and either just be their friend, or end the friendship completely if you cannot see being just friends.

I don't think that necessarily exactly applies in this case, though. Unless I am misinterpreting the story, I don't think she is aware he likes her. If I am understanding correctly, he has yet to tell her because she is currently in a relationship. So, in the case the issue is really more so that he shouldn't just waste his life waiting around for a girl who may or may not ever even be available. And, again, even if he did wait around and she became available, it could very well just turn out that she thinks of him too much as a friend to ever date. So again, my advice is that he needs to move on and look for his soulmate in other women. If he can do that successfully and still be her friend, then more power to him, but that seems doubtful.

[Azwraith]

I don't think that necessarily exactly applies in this case, though. Unless I am misinterpreting the story, I don't think she is aware he likes her. If I am understanding correctly, he has yet to tell her because she is currently in a relationship.

^ This

We are really good friends tho. We walk holding our hands, hug all the time, and she once told me that if she wasn't dating, she would want to date me, since I would be the perfect boyfriend (her words please). That got me so confused!

[TheEvilJester]

Well, sometimes women do just say things like that to make you feel good. She may have felt safe to say it because she IS in a relationship, so she knew it didn't matter anyway.

And, it could be entirely possible she said it because she meant it. You can't really know. Either way, it still doesn't change my advice. As I said, if you CAN see remaining her friend while letting go of the hope of it becoming more, then go ahead and remain friends. Look for a soulmate in other women, and who knows what may happen down the road?

If, though, you feel like you couldn't remain her friend without just wishing it could become more, then you really do owe it to yourself to just move on. Again, it would be very sad to lose such a good friend, but it would be worse if you don't. You'd most likely eventually lose her as a friend anyway, only there would be a much bigger chance it would not have a very pretty ending.

Anyway, good luck, my friend. I sincerely hope you do find who you are looking for in life, whether it winds up being her or somebody else.

[Wakeup]

^ This

We are really good friends tho. We walk holding our hands, hug all the time, and she once told me that if she wasn't dating, she would want to date me, since I would be the perfect boyfriend (her words please). That got me so confused!

You see... this is the very reason why you do not be friend with girls but keep them for romantic purposes. She has a boyfriend yet she holds your hand? That's inappropriate behaviour and most young girls are without the experience to realize that those actions are NOT WHAT FRIENDS DO. They DON'T CUDDLE EITHER. Do you hold your male friends hands? Do you cuddle with your soccer player forward after a strenuous game?

Get over your own bullshit and stop being her emotional tampon who strings you along like her faithful black Labrador retriever. It's nauseating to be honest to read what boys like you put up with just for a bit of attention.

Get your own girlfriend and go zero contact on this one so you can get the hell over your crush.

Its no wonder boys are in their late twenties these days before they lose their virginity.

[Azwraith]

You see... this is the very reason why you do not be friend with girls but keep them for romantic purposes. She has a boyfriend yet she holds your hand? That's inappropriate behaviour and most young girls are without the experience to realize that those actions are NOT WHAT FRIENDS DO. They DON'T CUDDLE EITHER. Do you hold your male friends hands? Do you cuddle with your soccer player forward after a strenuous game?

Get over your own bullshit and stop being her emotional tampon who strings you along like her faithful black Labrador retriever. It's nauseating to be honest to read what boys like you put up with just for a bit of attention.

Get your own girlfriend and go zero contact on this one so you can get the hell over your crush.

Its no wonder boys are in their late twenties these days before they lose their virginity.

First of all, my emotions are not bullshit. They are important to me, since I am an inteligent, thinking being.
Second, if this nauseates you, I guess you are the one who needs to seek help. I never said I begged for her attention. You are just creating this scenario in your own mind. We are friends that get along very well, wich COULD form a happy couple, and that is all that I said. And I guess I won't even waste my time replying to your last line, it is just sad that you think this way. People are different, and you must respect them. Some guys are emotive and like to wait for the right girl, while others like to **** everything that they see with breasts and a hole. Well, I am tired of seeing these kinds of "players" and so said "alpha males" being cheated and left to cry alone in their homes. If you don't respect diferent points of views, you are missing one of the most basic rules of modern civilization.
I feel sorry for that.

[Yanky]

I'm sure if you were the boyfriend, you would be saying the same thing. What you have is a complete disregard for anyone's feelings but your own.

Leave this girl alone, she is in a relationship!

****!

[Azwraith]

I'm sure if you were the boyfriend, you would be saying the same thing. What you have is a complete disregard for anyone's feelings but your own.

Leave this girl alone, she is in a relationship!

****!

Haha, you made me laugh.
Tell that to her, then, since she keeps calling me.