Should I get out of this marriage?

[mjh1215]

My husband and I have been married almost 3.5 years and we have 2 children.
2 years ago, he left me and immediately had a new girlfriend. A month later, he decided to work things out with me, while we continued living apart (we were both living with relatives)
I didn't find out until almost a year later that he continued seeing the girlfriend and had just stopped talking to her when we moved back in together. Our son was 18 months at the time and I got pregnant again.
He started a new job and a few weeks later, I caught him cheating by finding texts between him and a girl. He promised he ended it. He got fired from the job a couple months later and I found out the girl worked there too. A month goes by and I catch him again, this time I talk to her myself and she said she had no idea he was lying, etc. I thought she was gone.
I had my daughter in February this year and last month, yes I caught him once again. Talked to her and she had been telling him for a couple of weeks to leave her alone and he kept persisting, despite her having a new boyfriend. Also found out they slept together.

Of course he always begs and cries, promising he'll never do it again. He's gone to all the extremes like he's lelegitimately trying. But he's still jealous, controlling, demanding, as if I'm the one that messed up.
There are times when he blamed me for it, his excuse being "I always felt like you were going to leave me anyway."
He has all the classic signs of an emotional abuser, but I struggle with knowing if it's true.

I'll also add that we've lived with relatives our entire marriage and he continuously blows money. He's irresponsible and careless. He rarely spends time with our kids.
I'm unemployed with nowhere else to go and I long to keep my family together, but I'm miserable and heart broken.

So my question is.. should I try more to work through this? Is there something I'm supposed to be doing or will he always be this way?

[goodmorning]

Well considering he's the father of your kids you won't fully be able to cut him off, but since you're living seperately already i don't see why it would be hard to let him go. He's a cheater and abuser. Does he take care of his kids? Doubt it.

[mjh1215]

No, we live together at his father's house right now. He's promised for years we'd get our own place and yet he doesn't want me to work.
My thing is that I always have to catch him and then he's sorry. I just have so much confusion wondering if he really means it this time and if people like that are capable of change.
It's also very difficult to let this go knowing I don't have a good place to stay if I left him and I don't have a job or anything to support myself and kids.

[michelle23]

He has you trapped and dependent on him because he thinks he can get away with treating you this way. Do you have any family you can stay with for awhile? Then you can try to get a job. Also have you talked to a lawyer about your legal rights? You need to know where you stand financially if you divorce this man.

Are there any benefits for single mothers where you live like low cost housing, single parent financial support etc go to a family resource centre and ask for help. There is one where I live called le cheile.

He wont change. He has made sure you are isolated and dependent so he can get away with abusing you this way. Hes a manipulative, twisted bully and he doesn't really care about you or the kids.

You are not alone though, there are lots of resources and help for women in your situation so go and ask for help. You can't do this on your own.

[HeartWeaver]

Once a cheater, always a cheater. You have the right to divorce him

[woody]

Dear MjH,

You are in a pattern and you need to step outside of it and take a good hard long look in.

You have a divine right to protect your self and your child.

As some others have said, now is a time to begin planning towards a safer environment; and if you can't afford at this time your own place, move in with Family, your Family. Their probably worried about you and your child and would want you with them anyway.

If this isn't an option, seek out other one's. There are programs for Mothers to get back on their own feet, housing n' all.
Of course it's sad moving on. You'll be filled with 'what if's', filled with delusional hopes that this time, he really means it. Well, hhmmmm. Right?
You already know what you need to do here; and that's this. Plan. Plan and start making changes because you and your child need a better home and support system. Well it's out there; you just have to close the door and open the other ones.

you can do this.