Do all men occasionally cheat

[mariemac]

My bf of 9 years says he will never be happy having one sexual partner. He says all men eventually cheat, that they are visual creatures and need too. After 9 years I'm still fun, and in shape, and we have great sex together. He says that it motivates him to workout more ,and be more successful and appreciate me more, if he can **** around a little. The things an the way he says the things he says about men and sex, seems as though he really believes this himself. Do I need to be a little more open to his needs, or is he totally full of it saying that all men cheat..... Should I finally let go, like run for the hills, or is he being truthful to what most women don't want to hear? After 9 years this all really hard, and confusing to take in, I'm worried that I've been mentally controlled.

[nico88]

He's full of shit. Sure we're sexual creatures and have a hearty appetite for sex but it doesn't mean we need to **** any other girl other than the one we're with.

Sounds like your bf is a douche and just wants your permission to **** someone else or bring another girl into the mix..

[Wakeup]

Its an excuse he uses to assuage his guilt. I wouldn't be a bit surprised if he hasn't been cheating on you since year two of your 9 year relationship. Have you ever had a gut feeling that he has already? Has he ever shown you suspect behaviour?

If you're not going to leave him for having completely different relationship boundaries from your own, then why not ask him to tell you when he's going to cheat so that you can sample some strange as well? Women are sexual creatures too after all.

As for your actual question. Don't be in denial. Of course you know that all men don't eventually cheat.

[dem862]

Many men remain faithful to one partner their entire lives, it has something to do with a thing called love. Sorry, hun, you got yourself a bad case of garden variety douchebag.

[woody]

^^^yup, agree with what the others are saying.

You could always turn the tables on him. (though you need not act on it) you could suggest that you look for an alpha male to share yourself with because that would help you appreciate him(your bf) more.
I wonder how he'd react to that.
good grief .
Did he honestly say he wants to cheat on you so he'll appreciate you more?

I don't know if I'd be happy at least he's sort of trying to be honest or slap him.
OH who am I kidding, I'd totally slap him.
Lady, if he's bringing up stuff like this, I'm sorry to say but he may have already done so. I'm so sorry. 9 years is a long time. Hey, maybe he's been faithful this whole time and is talking to you like this now because he doesn't want to cheat but rather wants your permission. So at least he's being oddly honest about it.

OR, its a cop out and a shabby excuse for poor behavior.
Yah, turn the tables, see how he'd feel about you and some other guy. You knw, because having sex with another man would you know, of course make you appreciate your sweetheart even more. (sarcasm inserted)

Might have to make a move on this one dear lady. good luck

[lost_man]

No the thing about all men cheating isn't true, but neither is it the point. The point is that he has honestly told you what he wants and you have to now decide what you want. Judgements about what society or other people do are a waste of time. Some people like open relationships, other's don't. Which are you?

[somehelp4me]

No, most men don't cheat [ some cheat ] but he needs you to believe that to give in to his wishes and make him appear less of a ****er to you.

[jake_aard]

Many men remain faithful to one partner their entire lives, it has something to do with a thing called love.

I have that thing called love with my wife of 20+ years. It's still damned good.
I also have it with another woman. That woman has another partner besides me.
There's a LOT of love in my life.

Some people can and do love just one person all their lives.
But for others, love is not limited to one person - just as you can love each of your children, so you can romantically love more than one partner. And for these people, preventing them showing that love for another does more harm to their relationship than allowing it.

And note that I said "love", not "sex". I'm no swinger or "sex-addict". I am - we are - polyamorous. Look it up - it's not just a load of freaked-out hippies and sexual deviants.

But to the OP:
At least he's being honest with you. That's a rare thing.
Most men (and women) would just go ahead and cheat. Maybe he has in the past, but the fact is, he's had the guts to talk openly about it now. I take my hat off to him.
Admittedly he's talking about sex, not love, but the principle below still applies.

The absolute bottom line is this:
Does he love you?
Do you love him?

If you can say "yes" to both, then:
Make an agreement with him. Define boundaries.
Say he can see other women - so long as you can see other men (or women for that matter ).
Insist on safe sex (I hope that doesn't need saying).
Perhaps limit him to only one other woman - a "playmate". Or the opposite - only one-night stands to make sure no romantic attachment develops.
There's a whole load of other rules you can agree to outlined on [url=http://www.morethantwo.com/polyamory.html]More Than Two | Polyamory[/url] and various other places around the internet.

On the plus side, what he learns from other sexual encounters, you will in turn benefit from.... :-D

And if he doesn't agree to compromise... well, then you can think about dumping him.
But don't dump someone who genuinely loves you. Especially if he's honest.

As for your original question:
Research on this is notoriously unreliable, not least because people don't tend to like to 'fess up to cheating. But figures vary from 30% to >60% - of BOTH GENDERS.
If you take the former figure, most men (and women) don't cheat. If you take the latter figure, most men (and women) DO cheat.
Take your pick


Finally, I appreciate that I am in the minority here (just a bit....).
It is not my intention to start a flame war; I am merely offering an alternative, open-minded viewpoint based on what I and thousands of others have experienced.
Throw your relationship away if you want to. Or if you think it's worth it - and can live with it - open your relationship. More and more people are finding it's a viable solution.

[Edward1981]

What it really comes down to is can you deal with him being like that or not. If you have a problem with him sleeping with others than you should just give up on him. No one can change another person so if he is sleeping with others and you are not able to deal with that then you need to move on.

[michelle23]

Sometimes men ask for an open relationship when they are having an emotional affair and want to take it to the next level (sex). He could already have someone lined up which is why he has waited 9 years to have this conversation. Or he could have been cheating all along occasionally and decided to try and get your permission as he knows he will eventually get caught.

Anyway this would be a deal breaker for me and I would run for the hills. There are plenty of monogamous/faithful men around and research shows that about 22% of men cheat at least once in their lifetime. Only a very small % are serial cheaters so your bf is lying to you that all men do this.

If you don't want an open relationship then walk away. I know after 9years its easier said than done but your needs, wants, values are important and you two are no longer compatible.

I wonder has he lied to you from the beginning and entered this relationship under false pretences. Why hasn't he mentioned this before? Or is this a new thing? My guess is its because hes cheating now

I think you can do better

[Wakeup]

I would say that he hasn't mentioned it before because he's become bored with his sex life with her and is jonseing for variety. That doesn't mean he has lost love for her, it just means he's being honest with her.

Up to you Op if you want to open your relationship up and try it out or leave now and get on with your life without him in it. I don't think he'll remain monogamous after your conversation even if you say you don't want what he wants.

Have you had that conversation with him; where you tell him you don't want to be non-monogamous (which is different then polyamory)? If you're still lurking then the answer to that would be interesting.

[michelle23]

One word of advice: only open the relationship if you also want to sleep with other people. Theres all different types of dynamics that can work but only if your both equal and both happy with the arrangement as well as both playing by the rules.

I think the risks go up though and you need to be aware of all of them if your going to consider this.

However, relationships end all the time and its not the end of the world. We grieve the loss, heal, get over it and move onto the next chapter so this is also a viable option.