Break-up tips for a cheating fiancee

[the_xenocide]

Hello ladies and gentlemen.

I'll make it short, since I don't really need advice about what to do so much as I'm looking for tips on how to do it. I'm breaking up with my fiancee, who I've been with for 2 1/2 years, because she is cheating on me. I have long suspected there was something going on between her and her very good male "friend," but never had any real proof to go on, so I have never confronted her on it. But I recently discovered that when you plug an iPhone in to your computer and sync it with iTunes, iTunes creates a backup of all the data on the phone. She's got an iPhone, and I found the backup data. It's positively full of sexually explicit and flirtatious messages between the two, including pictures, and graphic depictions of sex acts they would like to or already have performed on each other.

I'm not proud of how I obtained this information. I know it's wrong to go sneaking around in people's private phone history. But if I could go back in time and do it again, would I? Of course. Look what I found. I think the end justifies the means in this case. I got the proof I needed. Now it's time to end this relationship for real, even though it's really been over for quite some time.

She's at work for the next four hours or so, and I have some time to think about how I want to approach this. Any tips from somebody who's been in a similar situation in the past?

Thanks in advance, and wish me luck!

[lalalita]

Hi there. I've been in your shoes. Don't feel bad about snooping, you had rightful cause.

I think what's important here is holding your ground. I think you should be completely honest with her. Tell her how you've suspected things and how you confirmed them. BUT- if you are completely honest with her and tell her how you obtained this information, be prepared for her to throw the "how dare you violate my privacy" card. Don't let the conversation be turned to that. Make it clear it is over because of her actions.

I would start with perhaps sending a text of "We need to talk tonight" and then starting the conversation with "I'm going to have to ask you to take that ring off"

[the_xenocide]

Interestingly enough, I did end up doing almost exactly that, even before reading your response. We ended up talking quite a bit last night because, surprisingly, she came in the door (knowing what we would be discussing in advance) already surrendered. She agreed that even though I violated her privacy, I had every right to given the circumstances.

What really surprised me was, I was expecting her to come in kicking and screaming, so to speak, and for it to be this big fight, as she is a very strong willed person and when she feels cornered, she fights. But this isn't at all the reaction I got. She came in the door looking emotionally drained and in tears and the first thing she said was, "Okay, let me have it."

I said, "I don't have any interest in 'letting you have it.' I want to hear what YOU have to say." And I won't bore you with all the details but, as tends to be the case in situations like this, there were things she was able to identify about our relationship that led her to be tempted to cheat. And I agreed with the things she said. And she agreed that none of that excuses what she did, and she is genuinely remorseful over it. I know this because she is not one to show emotion most of the time (hell I'll admit it, I cry more than she does) and she was laying herself bare, emotionally speaking, before me last night.

I am currently working toward deciding if I want us to try to fix things. I know it can be done, and I know I still love her. She's not a bad person, she's a good person who made a huge mistake.

[Severe]

Did u guys end up fixing it i was in a similar situation a coworker at her job they flirted m made out at one point i found thru the coworkers wife , so i dumped her we were 5 months to the relationship but then she just never would give up trying to convince n lots of crying n stuff eventually i took her back ( only because im not perfect either) but it depends do u love her enough to put it behind u its hard im telling i have a year n 5 months with mines this happened in our 5th month of dating but its still hard for me n im still really upset inside its a torment living with her now because all i ever remember is her backstabbing but i love her so confused hope ur able to get thru tho

[dem862]

Mmmm, those sweet lemons taste so good.