We've been friends since we were in the first grade and we were each other's first kiss at the age of 8. Growing up, she was always flirty towards me and we could barely look at each other in the eyes without blushing and smiling. We were always together... going over to each other's houses, talking on the phone everyday and doing things together. I knew that she liked me but I was always too coward to tell her I liked her back though. People used to say we we're the perfect couple even though we weren't officially together.
It was in the spring of 2010, after her 17th birthday that I realized that I was in love her. I started to distance myself from her a little bit because I was scared that she didn't love me back and was scared of what would happen to us. After I went away for college in 2011, she got herself a boyfriend for whom she was with for eight months. Even when she with that guy, she used to message me telling me she missed me & couldn't wait to see me again. In late 2012, she got another boyfriend & was with him for four months. I moved back early last year, so we did some stuff together. She still seemed flirty towards me & a friend of hers told me she liked me but I was STILL too coward. Then jump to May of this year, she met someone at her work, and now, two months later, they're engaged.
I have a feeling that she got tired of waiting around on me, just moved on and now I'm regretting it. I feel really heartbroken over this and I'm not going to lie, I have cried a few times. I thought the current guy she was with would just be another short-term thing like all of her past boyfriends. I didn't think in a million years that they'd get engaged so frickin' soon.
I messaged her a few days ago telling her that I had something important to tell her in person but she said she doesn't think her boyfriend would appreciate us doing that. So I just snapped back and told her to forget it. She replied back saying that she was sorry, that she loves the guy and doesn't want to ruin anything at this point with him and then she asked me about what I wanted to tell her pertained to.
Deep down, I just want to write her a long message telling her my true feelings towards her. On the other hand, I wonder if I should just leave her alone and never tell her that I'm in love with her. I guess I'm just scared of what might happen and her reaction. I don't even know if she feels the same way about me back! It could all just be in my head.
I mean, we've been friends all these years and this is what the end result is???? I feel frustrated, hurt and upset all at the same time!