My best friend

[anissawolf]

So, I've been in love with my best friend for 12 years. We both just got out of 6 year relationships. Anytime he's single I'm the first person he calls and we are pretty much inseparable. He has been staying with me, and I'm wondering if he might finally be interested in more. He's been talking about getting jobs together and sharing an apartment. He takes me out to eat and wants to cook for me. We spend every waking minute together. Just the other night we fell asleep holding each other. Unfortunately, my ex still lives with me...
He's pushing me to make my ex leave. He even offered to take care of it for me. He's going to sell his car so that we can use the money to fix mine and pay some bills... I don't know. I want to see this heading somewhere but I don't want to lie to myself either. Opinions? Advice?

[searock]

You're in love with your best friend and he's in love with you... don't waste any more time. Kick your ex out and start living the dream :-).

Why do you think that would mean lying to yourself?

[ClaireH]

If the feelings are mutual, go for it! If your ex is your ex, why is he still living with you?

[Maple1714]

Why is your ex still living with you? You are essentially dating your best friend, but you haven't kicked your ex out yet? I'm not judging here, I am just trying to get some more details about why your in a little bit of a love triangle.

You and your best friend have known each other for 12 years and nothing has happened yet? You both obviously care deeply for one another, so I think you should really get rid of your ex and then express your feelings to your friend. Tell him that you want a sexual/romantic relationship with him. Go from there. Hopefully, he wont give you some line about how he "doesn't want to ruin your great friendship", because if that happens I would drop him like a hot potato. Sometimes there is real love between a male/female best friend scenario, but I am always a little suspect of guys who don't initiate anything other than a close friendship for that many years. What's been holding you two back?

[Vertigo]

Ohhh, why does this remind me of My Best Friends Wedding aha! Both too shy to admit their love - until its too late!

Well, if I were you, I'd confess my love to him and see if he feels the same way. If he doesn't, be strong and tell him you're lucky to have such a loving friend anyway (& continue forth with normal living!) It seems from what you're describing that he at least cares deeply for you - so even if its just platonic, he would still be gentle enough with your feelings when you confess your love.

You have nothing to lose. If he says yes, you've got a wonderful lover. If he says no, you've got a wonderful best friend

[Maple1714]

Ohhh, why does this remind me of My Best Friends Wedding aha! Both too shy to admit their love - until its too late!

Well, if I were you, I'd confess my love to him and see if he feels the same way. If he doesn't, be strong and tell him you're lucky to have such a loving friend anyway (& continue forth with normal living!) It seems from what you're describing that he at least cares deeply for you - so even if its just platonic, he would still be gentle enough with your feelings when you confess your love.

You have nothing to lose. If he says yes, you've got a wonderful lover. If he says no, you've got a wonderful best friend

Personally, I don't think it's a friendly thing to do to keep a "best friend" of the opposite sex around just for emotional comfort when it's needed. That is kind of what this scenario sounds like to me. Yes, this guy does also give the OP emotional support/comfort...but unless he has a mental handicap...he's knows on some level that she wants more. People sense these things.

She is the first person he calls when he breaks up with someone? Sweet, she can play the role of his mom too. I'm just trying to look out for the OP. I am assuming that she is in her 20's and is looking for a lasting relationship. She might even want to find a partner to settle down with and have some kids. Being hung up on her best friend for 12 years is a long time. I don't think it's a matter of being too shy, neither one of them has taken the plunge into romantic love together for a reason. What's the reason?

[Vertigo]

If she's in her 20s, she would have been in love with him since she was around 6 years old? I dont think so...I am thinking more 30-40s.

Anyway, that's irrelevant....

I agree she should go tell him she loves him - the only way she will ever find out. But I do believe a male and a female can be good friends and each other's emotional support. What? Am I only supposed to call my girlfriends for emotional support? OP hasn't given enough information for you to assume that OP doesn't ask him for emotional support. In the end, that is what friendship is about and I think his gender plays is not a deciding factor.

How he reacts to her confession of love (if she does) IS the deciding factor.

[Maple1714]

If she's in her 20s, she would have been in love with him since she was around 6 years old? I dont think so...I am thinking more 30-40s.

Anyway, that's irrelevant....

I agree she should go tell him she loves him - the only way she will ever find out. But I do believe a male and a female can be good friends and each other's emotional support. What? Am I only supposed to call my girlfriends for emotional support? OP hasn't given enough information for you to assume that OP doesn't ask him for emotional support. In the end, that is what friendship is about and I think his gender plays is not a deciding factor.

How he reacts to her confession of love (if she does) IS the deciding factor.

25-12 = 13....Where did you come up with 6?

Of course the OP asks him for emotional support...she is in love with him. He calls her up when he needs the support...ex: whenever he has a break-up. Yes, how he reacts to her honesty is her deciding factor, that is the point. There have been clues all along is what I am suggesting. Typically, when you have to ask...especially after so many years....you already know the answer. Anyway, maybe the OP will give us some more details.

[HeartIsAching]

So, I've been in love with my best friend for 12 years. We both just got out of 6 year relationships. Anytime he's single I'm the first person he calls and we are pretty much inseparable. He has been staying with me, and I'm wondering if he might finally be interested in more. He's been talking about getting jobs together and sharing an apartment. He takes me out to eat and wants to cook for me. We spend every waking minute together. Just the other night we fell asleep holding each other. Unfortunately, my ex still lives with me...
He's pushing me to make my ex leave. He even offered to take care of it for me. He's going to sell his car so that we can use the money to fix mine and pay some bills... I don't know. I want to see this heading somewhere but I don't want to lie to myself either. Opinions? Advice?

It sounds to me as if he's in love with you too... the best way to find out is to ask him.

Lemme tell you from my perspective, being in love with your best friend is totally awesome. My wife's my best friend, and we like it that way.

[anissawolf]

because he won't leave and until now I guess i felt bad to make him go.

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He knows that I'm madly in love with him. He's told people. I guess I always felt that if he already knew then I didn't need to tell him.... maybe it's time for me to confirm what he already knows?

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I'm 30, and will be 31 in September. I met him when I was 19.

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It really would be my dream come true to fall in love and spend the rest of my life with my best friend. I can't imagine anything more awesome.

[searock]

Does he reciprocate your feelings?

[anissawolf]

Does he reciprocate your feelings?

Well, i don't know... that's the problem.

[HeartIsAching]

Fer the luvva christ... ASK.

[MapleAshes]

I agree...ask him. What do you really have to lose? At least by asking you know where you stand.