How to move on/get closure over a 5 1/2 year relationship?

[TheNewbi]

My Girlfriend of 5 1/2 years broke up with me 9 months ago. The main reason why she broke it off with me because I got kicked out of an engineering program for not meeting the GPA requirement of the program. She called me lazy, unmotivated and does not see a future with me if I continued that path. Of course, her parents played a HUGE role; by telling her to break up with me. I changed school( started in the fall 2013) and giving my best effort maintaining a 3.4 GPA as of right now.

9 months later, today, I saw a photo of her going on a cruise with her guy friend and once I saw that photo it REALLY killed me inside . However, I know she is not dating him or anything but it just killed me inside.

How do or how will i get closure?

[michelle23]

sorry you are hurting. Time is the best healer. Unfortunately there is nothing else you can do but go through the pain and wait to feel better. Its always good to surround yourself with positive people who care, distract yourself with work, study, join a new hobby etc. And when you are ready to move on and meet someone new, you will no it

[nico88]

I agree with Michelle. Getting over someone you love is tough shit. But it does get better.

It might not happen as fast as you want it to..infact it kinda never does, but as time goes on you'll be able to move forward. In the mean time invest yourself into something you love. Whether it be your work or a hobby like Michelle said. You might also wanna stop checking up on your ex on any social media sites. That doesn't really do you any good..trust me. Idk if you two are still on speaking terms or not, but if you are I'd definitely distance myself from her. Having her in your life is just gunna make things a lot more difficult for you.

Good luck dude.

[TheNewbi]

Will writing a letter/email to my ex expressing my emotions and my feeling help? There are a lot of thing a I want to tell her but not sure if it the right move.

Edit- I deleted her from my Facebook. Just that guy is on my friends list

[Darrow]

Will writing a letter/email to my ex expressing my emotions and my feeling help? There are a lot of thing a I want to tell her but not sure if it the right move.

Edit- I deleted her from my Facebook. Just that guy is on my friends list

Delete the both.

I did that and it didn't help. Also been a long time since you guys broke up, she might not take it well.

[michelle23]

You could write it all down and don't send it just to get it out but closure has to come from within

[nico88]

Again I agree with Michelle. Writing out your feelings is definitely therapeutic. It could help you a lot. I wouldn't send it to her tho.

As for the dude on your fb that is friends with your ex..If you two are friends as well then you don't have to delete him. There is a way for you to unfollow his posts tho, just so you don't have to see anymore pics of the two of them. I'd do that if I were you.

[TheNewbi]

Yeah I unfollowed him. He wasnt a friend of mine but a friend of hers. Nothing is going on between them and I know she friendzoned him. He is not her type. I think she is just using him as a replacement for me not being there. However, it still hurts. I guess I reached the final stage of separation. Where I thought I fixed myself but i thought wrong.


I might want to have a face to face conversation with her to pour out my feelings and all the hurt I went through for closure. Ive been bottling up my feelings for a long time and it might be a good idea to. I know the The breakup caused her pain too
Will talking to her bring me closure? Of course, I will not ask or beg for her to come back to me.

[smackie9]

There's a there called "post here instead of contacting your ex" on here in the broken hearts forum [url]https://www.loveforum.net/broken-hearts-forum/49880-post-instead-contacting-ex.html?highlight=post+here+instead+of+your+ex[/url]

And say goodbye to her.

[pcmaster]

First of all good written topic Newbi. Short and laconic, to the core of the problem.
This might help you

loveforum.net/the-love-community-library/85672-guide-deal-breakup.html

However the truth is she have moved on, so thats kinda closure from her side. Yeah seeing girls pic on FB can be killing, time flies fast, people change but you still have the same crappy feeling inside just like it happened yesterday, you kinda wasn't ready to accept what you saw. Dont think talking with her would help, just wind up even more emotions.
What would help is antidepressants or a little therapy.

[ClaireH]

Moving on is always tough! SOmetimes you never really get over it, but you don't want to contact her! Write it all down and burn the paper. As it burns send her kind thoughts and say, in your mind "I release you". Also thank her in your heart for the time you had together and try to feel or imagine you both happy in different relationships. Remember, if it didn't work out then, and its been a long while, the chances of it working now are not good. Hope you feel happier soon!

[TheNewbi]

Thank you for all of your help. I thought i fixed myself until I saw that picture of her. I have decided to join social activities, pick up a hobby ( probably dancing) and hit the gym.

[michelle23]

I dont think its a good idea to contact her. My first bf cheated on me and I never even confronted him about it. I have never spoken to him about any of my "feelings" , how he hurt me, shattered my confidence for awhile, made me feel like shit.. but I got over it and you will get over her too. Sometimes its better to hold onto your pride. I know that if I did get angry at him, confront him etc-I would just be giving him a good ego boost and letting him think he won. Instead I acted like I dont give a crap, like I can do better than him anyway (which I can and have) and I know that was enough punishment for him. It took him down a peg and made him think "maybe I made a mistake letting this girl go"..

Closure has to come from within you. If you did spill your guts to her only to be rejected again or told its been 9months, get over it etc-it will just put you right back at square one. You wont get any satisfaction from it or feel any better. The thing that is hurting you the most is that she blamed you for the break up-told you its all your fault and making you feel like you failed. It takes two people to make a relationship work and she is just as responsible as you are that it didnt work out in the end. Stop seeing her as some perfect angel putting her on a pedastal. Shes not perfect, she has flaws and she wasnt a perfect partner (nobody is). Stop blaming yourself for everything, forgive yourself and work on bettering yourself so you can be your best for the next girl (who you probably will marry)

[nico88]

I dont think its a good idea to contact her. My first bf cheated on me and I never even confronted him about it. I have never spoken to him about any of my "feelings" , how he hurt me, shattered my confidence for awhile, made me feel like shit.. but I got over it and you will get over her too. Sometimes its better to hold onto your pride. I know that if I did get angry at him, confront him etc-I would just be giving him a good ego boost and letting him think he won. Instead I acted like I dont give a crap, like I can do better than him anyway (which I can and have) and I know that was enough punishment for him. It took him down a peg and made him think "maybe I made a mistake letting this girl go"..

Closure has to come from within you. If you did spill your guts to her only to be rejected again or told its been 9months, get over it etc-it will just put you right back at square one. You wont get any satisfaction from it or feel any better. The thing that is hurting you the most is that she blamed you for the break up-told you its all your fault and making you feel like you failed. It takes two people to make a relationship work and she is just as responsible as you are that it didnt work out in the end. Stop seeing her as some perfect angel putting her on a pedastal. Shes not perfect, she has flaws and she wasnt a perfect partner (nobody is). Stop blaming yourself for everything, forgive yourself and work on bettering yourself so you can be your best for the next girl (who you probably will marry)

I swear you give some of the best advice on this forum, Michelle. Listen to her, newbi. She's like ****ing yoda over here haha

[TheNewbi]

I swear you give some of the best advice on this forum, Michelle. Listen to her, newbi. She's like ****ing yoda over here haha

ROFL! Sounds good!