Rocky sex life

[confusedguy1012]

It doesn't sound stupid it sounds like a great idea but if its only because she needs something to love and cuddle why would she need me after I get her a puppy. She could just cuddle the puppy. I know it soundd like I'm overreacting but why is a puppys love better then me loving hef.

[Rowen]

It doesn't sound stupid it sounds like a great idea but if its only because she needs something to love and cuddle why would she need me after I get her a puppy. She could just cuddle the puppy. I know it soundd like I'm overreacting but why is a puppys love better then me loving hef.

Don't take it personally that she'd need that. Consider it neutral territory- something to fill the void of the lost child. This allows her the chance to be cheered up by giving her something to care for and be near. Your love will always be needed as long as she stays with you, but this will be a different kind of love- neutral love.

Am I correct that is the point you were trying to get across, Michelle? Brilliant idea, by the way.

[confusedguy1012]

SGuys I'm not saying she's completely better but the puppy has actually made her pretty happy she's eating and she is getting out of bed to take care of it its great except for the fact that she is so fascinated with the puppy she's barely talking to me now and I shed rather have the puppy then me so I'm also taking the advice I got I'm the beginning of the thread and breaking off the engagement

[somehelp4me]

That's too bad, dude. Do whats best for you, I guess - relationships take a lot of work and patience, you can break off the engagement, and not the relationship just scale back things for now.

[michelle23]

Don't break off the engagement. Whoever said that-said it before knowing that she had a miscarriage. Its perfectly normal that the loss of your child is going to put a strain on your relationship for awhile. It just takes time. Seriously I was like a zombie for the first year after my aunt died. The second year I was numb, the third an emotional mess. My bf stood by me. He understood I was in pain and didnt take it personally. If he ever goes through what I went through-I will be there for him too. A miscarriage can have a huge impact on a woman. We fall in love with the baby the moment we know its inside of us-we think about having babies long before we even get pregnant and dream of holding a happy healthy baby in our arms. She probably feels like she failed, shes not just grieving for a tabpole she never met. Shes grieving for a lifetime of what could have been. My cousin had a miscarriage 8 years ago and still gets a little sad when she thinks about it. Even if you dont really understand her pain-you have to try not to take it so personally. Its just a blip and she will go back to normal in time.

Im glad the puppy is helping her but she needs you too even if she doesnt show it. Maybe she needs you to talk about your feelings too. Talk about how losing the baby makes you sad too and your sorry it happened. She might open up emotionally if you do

[KingZ]

Hahahaha, this fu​cking guy

[Wakeup]

Don't break off the engagement. Whoever said that-said it before knowing that she had a miscarriage.

It doesn't matter. (not to mention that what I said would influence him in anyway O.O) She's not ready to be in a relationship with anyone but the puppy. Look how she's reacting to having a "baby" in the mix. She's ignoring him (her LIFEpartner) You can't do that just because you have a baby, a dog or you lose either of those things. When everyone is emotionally healthy to begin with, then when there is grief or hardship is when your PARTNER should be there for you and vice versa. A grieving time is understandable but ignoring him completely is just exactly what she'll do when/if they have children. (I suspect)

Im glad the puppy is helping her but she needs you too even if she doesnt show it.

Should we tell that to every man/woman that comes on here that we tell actions speak louder then words? I don't think you completely ignored your bf through your grief, michelle (right?)

How does not letting him see her body and only pulling her pants down far enough for him to enter her have to do with being healthy enough to maintain a successful, functional relationship?.

Op: To me it looks like you're with someone that can't multi-task. It's all about her so if you just break off the engagement and continue to see her then I suggest you ask her to go to councelling so she can get help figuring out her current "ism." Don't be in a caretaking relationship with her.

[michelle23]

Okay so maybe she is not handling this grief the best way right now but if its the first time she has gone through something like this then maybe she is just lost in her own pain, trying to cope. I doubt she is trying to hurt him. They have been together a good few years, engaged to be married, they have gone through something heartbreaking. Isnt love about being someones strenght when they are down? I mean if she was out all night drinking or seeking attention from others-then I would say sure get rid of her but it sounds like she is just in pain and is trying to cope with that. She just needs time.

My parents marriage really suffered for awhile too after her sister and his best friend died. They were both lost in grief-now they are happier then ever. All couples go through rough patches and if his answer is to throw in the towel at the first sign of trouble-then I think she can do better

[Wakeup]

Love is not a caretaking situation and if she can't function then she should get her own personal therapy to help her through anything (besides the grief) that she's obviously saddled with.

He's not prepared to be in a caretaking situation where she never gets better and he suffers while she doesn't get any better. Once she started to feel better (because she got a new puppy) she didn't gravitate back to being his loving, sexual partner but rather she just ignored him completely.

Yes, all couples go through rough patches but many of them are not with a strong enough foundation to be able to weather such storms. IMO this sounds like the case.

[michelle23]

Well you dont know that for sure. Its easy to say dump her but she was willing to try couples therapy. Perhaps she just needs some more individual therapy. Breaking up with her now would be like kicking a dog when there down. She needs him to help her get through this and she probably needs him to show her he actually gives a shit about the loss of their child. He sounds like a robot. Hes even surprised shes still sad.. of course she is

[Wakeup]

Yea... sure, whatever he decides.

OP: What kind of partner was she before she had the miscarriage? What kind of partner were you for that matter?

[confusedguy1012]

We were both great partners

[michelle23]

Breaking off the engagement now would be the same thing as breaking up. They dont even have a date set for a wedding so what would breaking it off achieve other than drama? OP have you told her how you feel? Have you calmly said to her "babe I know you are in pain right now but you are hurting me by being so distant. I need some attention as right now I don't feel valued or loved, I want us to go through this together"

[Wakeup]

It was handled with therapy

It wasn't handled very well then if you're still having problems you describe in your opening post.

Instead of just staying with her without the title of "fiancé" why don't you keep going to couples councelling together because there is more to this emotional disconnect from you then a miscarriage. She'll have sex but won't take her pants off. What is her reasoning for that?

- - - Updated - - -

"babe I know you are in pain right now but you are hurting me by being so distant. I need some attention as right now I don't feel valued or loved, I want us to go through this together so, yea... take your pants off"

[confusedguy1012]

So I could be wrong but what I got from that was this is all my fault she's being disconnected.?