Moral dilemma.

[LONER82]

Problem is direct but a bit complicated.I and her were together for 14 years till 2nd May this year.That's the date when she got married and it's also her birthday.I tried my best to convince her to go for a court marriage with me but she could not overcome her daughter's duty sentiment and finally I stepped down and tried to overcome the pain.
That's when things started to get complicated.She called me on the 32 hour after her wedding,and since then she kept calling me for the next 11 days consecutively.After 11 days of efforts{calling & texting} she made me pick her call,and to my horror nothing was changed,not one damn bit.Nothing was out of place as if she never got married,and things started to go more out of hands.I was 160 kms afar from her,when she asked something to me.I should come to meet her in her new house,while her husband was out!
I was filled with fear to hear that but she was calm and steady.Her composure prompted me,and I decided to take that chance and went to her city anyway.Spent 7 hours with her and the messed up part is,she gave me full liberty.Now,we never had sex before the marriage because we wanted to make our wedding night special,she made me took a vow of chastity three years after the relationship when I tried to kiss her and 11 years passed with desperation,anguish but lots n lots of love.Many times I was left high and dry,but I did not complain because we were together in this fix,and love was so strong it helped us withstood everything.

The distances were huge and..screw that back to the problem.But that day she allowed me to do anything I wanted,and I refused.I don't know what came over me,but I just did not want to do anything in her house.It was a strange feeling,I could not muster courage to do that in her place.I felt,that she was guilt ridden that she broke our vows and stripped me off my right,and now she wanted to get rid of that feeling by letting me use her to my content.This felt like a rape to me.I could not make me do it,not because it is wrong to screw an unknown man's newly wedded wife,it's fun a golden opportunity so to say,but because She was doing it for the sake of her guilt.Now this is all my view,because when I asked her why is she allowing me to do that now,when she was opposed to it in all those 14 years,she said,"I DON'T KNOW".

We talk every single day and some times even in the night.And she wants me to do anything I desire whenever she is alone.But now I am in a fix,should I do that,when I actually have no right to do it.Or should I take advantage of her offer and have fun & stop thinking in terms of morality. Another point though might be naive to many, is virginity,or self-preservation..umm no virginity it is,I kept myself for her and she kept herself for me.But now when she has broken her part of the deal,why should I keep my part of the bargain?Why not I go out and buy some good hooker and lose mine and then go to her and then do her,and then let her know what I've done..sounds like a revenge. But I do not want to do that too. I've always kept myself fixated to her and now I am utterly confused.

I've already started an extra-marital affair,and this will eventually come out some day,and nobody will believe that we did not do anything and kept a platonic relationship.So why not do it and enjoy while it lasts,it's fun to dowhen you are not obliged to use a condom.But then again,it'll ruin her life,in I don't know how many ways.I don't want that on my conscience.I don't want her to leave me either and I am not sure if I can contain myself again,if chance comes.But I do not know what I want?Should I do her one time and then walk-out? or may be simply walk away without any firecrackers.Right down to it,I've no place in her life as a legal lover,and I've to, sooner or later let go off her.What is right and what is wrong for me as a man?All suggestions{sane or otherwise} are welcome.

[basilandthyme]

paragraph breaks please

[LONER82]

is it okay now?

[searock]

Is there any way she can get a divorce?

What would happen to her if she got caught cheating?

[LONER82]

That I've said to her a few minute back right now for the 30th time if I am correct by my count,and the answer is still.."I CANT". I can only imagine,how much ruin will befall upon her if she is found cheating..she will lose everything.

[searock]

Then you should cut off contact entirely. It's out of your hands, now. If you care about her, don't reply to any of her attempts to contact you. Block her number and email, delete her from any social media. Move on.

[chinagirl]

How old are you?

[LONER82]

31.what has it to do with it?

[smackie9]

Dude why did you waste 14 years with this woman without any promise of marriage? Are you poor and her new husband is rich? she married for money?


I say start plowing her anyways because she made you wait 14 years.....I'm sure you can make this arrangement work. If things get discovered, you both can just run away and be together. Go live in another country.

[LONER82]

on the contrary,I am the rich guy and he is miserable prick.Now only edge he has over me is the acceptance he has from her parents,and that too because she did not want to stand-up against them.And yes you are right I can plow her any given weekday/night and she will cooperate. But that's not the point.Why is she ready do it now,when she did not do it before her marriage?And if she made me suffer for my commitment,then is it not right for me to kick her away without touching her and move on?

[chinagirl]

I asked your age because it's unusual for a guy to keep his virginity specially at your age.

[dem862]

She sounds like a lot of drama. Do you really want this in your life? I don't see the moral dilemma. If you are sleeping with another man's wife without his consent, isn't that immoral? The moral thing to do would be to walk away from her and leave her and her husband to their chosen life together. Plus don't you feel you deserve to be in a decent relationship of your own? I don't see how you can respect yourself after you do this to a man who has done nothing to you. So you are heartbroken. It happens. Grief is the process by which we deal with loss. Get started on it. Then move on with your life.

[LONER82]

I agree with you completely,that the guy has done nothing wrong.It's not his fault at all. That's the whole argument about,I don't want to ruin this man's life by sleeping with her.But I am stuck with my moral side and animal side.Moral side says I should shun this right away,but animal side says I've a 14 year's investment and I should take it,and then walk out.Plus I've been through lot of anguish and pain,way too much,walking out like that,may appear like a defeat of mine as a man,not as a person but at a masculine level.How do I convince myself that doing this was the right thing and it was not my defeat in anyway as a man?

[searock]

You take this as a lesson learned and move on. Now you know that you shouldn't invest so much time and energy on a relationship that isn't giving you what you want. Next time, you will know this and you will act accordingly. You should walk away from this situation, you know it is the right thing to do.

[smackie9]

I can see her motive. Her parents are the law, and if they say "you are going to marry this miserable prick or get cast out", she has to do what she has to do. It's a no brainer she had to keep herself pure for her wedding day, the day she hoped would have been with you, but it didn't work out that way. She is just as devastated as you. She is trapped in this marriage, and trapped by her parents wishes for her to be in this marriage. In desperation she is willing to be with you, because you are the one she wants to be with. People who are in love will risk being caught, throw moral values out the window, ignore common sense.

IMO you have a lot going for you and will have np finding yourself a wife. The story has a sad ending, but it's not the end of the world. You can move on, and find happiness in your future. I agree you must go no contact so you can forget about her and this whole mess.