Going on A Date With Multiple Girls - Cheating?

[JD!]

This may seem like a silly question and the answer blatantly obvious to some, but it is something I'm generally unsure of.

When your dating - that is going on dates to see if there is something there, not actually in a relationship - is it considered cheating or wrong if you go on dates with multiple people?

I've only just started going on dates, which I've never done before, and have agreed to meet two girls (met one already, actually.) It didn't strike me until confirming time and venue with the second girl that going on dates with two girls at once might be wrong.

I'm not in an actual relationship with either, so is it still wrong? I've had one date with the first girl, if I have another with her but see the second, is that wrong? I'm really not sure how this works, is one supposed to be exclusive when dating as one is in an actual relationship?

Thanks in advance for any help.

[countrysailor]

That would actually depend on the situation. Are these dates simple meets to see if you wish with the person? Or are you romantically involved with each of these girls?
You need to find out if either one of these gals wants to date exclusively, or if they are also just testing waters.

I think for now you are fine since you just started seeing them and not yet sure how you feel about them. But once you make your desicion you should inform the other one. After all you don't want to have the reputation of a cheater

[nico88]

If you were exclusive with one of them then it would different. But you only had one date with one girl and haven't even met the other so no worries, dude. You're good to go.

[chinagirl]

If you are not in relationship with any either of them, you can date as many girls as you want. The idea of dating is to get to know someone and to find a girl that you are most compatible with and have chemistry with.

Now, if you are dating one girl on a regular basis, you might want to rethink about dating other girls.

[TheEvilJester]

You know... it's not as silly of a question as you may think. I know exactly how you feel. I kind of almost feel a little bit like I am doing something wrong when I do something like that. Heck, if I'm on one of those dating sites, and somebody actually responds back to my message, and we start to talk, I wonder if I am wrong to still continue to message other women that seem like we could be a possible match. LOL!

But, dating is just that. Dating does not imply you are exclusive. In fact, it would be a bit weird to expect that, or even ask that so early on. If you start to date one woman multiple times and really hit it off, then that is the time to talk about whether or not you two want to become exclusive. But, when you are just dating, it is perfectly okay to date more than one person. That is how you can get a chance to meet a few people and try to see who may or may not make a good match for you.

Trust me, though, I know how you feel. It is hard for me to tell myself that. When I actually find somebody who bothers to give me a chance and we seem to be hitting it off, I have to remind myself not to get too excited, and to still leave my options open. Otherwise, maybe the two of us won't hit it off enough to pursue a relationship, and I will have possibly missed out on somebody else I might have been able to meet in the meantime. Maybe they would have been somebody I could have hit it off with even more.

[masticate]

I believe it is still fair to assess your feelings post factum about whether or not the person was exclusive during the preliminary phases on their own accord without being formally requested and in the absence of implicit cues.

[searock]

I think you should at the very least be upfront about it. Let all of the girls you are dating know that you are also dating other people.

Personally, I wouldn't want to date a guy that has another date planned with another woman. I would find it rude and disrespectful, like he's wasting my time and just playing around. But that's just me. I know many people wouldn't have a problem with it, especially not in the USA/Canada (based on what I've read on this forum).

[lalalita]

I think it depends on how much you have invested in any of the women. Do you spend all day talking to one? I think it would only be a problem if you were investing a lot of time and effort on one girl, and then suddenly went on a date with another.

[surfhb]

Not even close to being an issue

Oh yeah....regardless of what Sea says, don't come out and tell a girl you're dating around when on a date. Lol. That's a one way trip to the dugout.

As long as you're not committed, it's not a problem....it should be encouraged even. Let's say you love beach volley ball and you're dating a girl who has no interest in that. Wouldn't you want to date a girl who's into beach volleyball? Well you will never meet her unless you date different people right?

This goes for both sexes

[searock]

Oh yeah....regardless of what Sea says, don't come out and tell a girl you're dating around when on a date. Lol. That's a one way trip to the dugout.

Why, though? If it's not an issue, there should be no problem being upfront about it, right?

He should tell them before he even goes on a date with them that he's dating other people. Something like "Just thought you should know, I'm dating other people, just wanted to be honest about it". Then let the girl (or guy) decide if they still want to go on a date with them.

[masticate]

Why, though? If it's not an issue, there should be no problem being upfront about it, right?

He should tell them before he even goes on a date with them that he's dating other people. Something like "Just thought you should know, I'm dating other people, just wanted to be honest about it". Then let the girl (or guy) decide if they still want to go on a date with them.

I agree with this from two points of view.

1. It is fair to the other person and respects their feelings as well as their integrity.
2. You should not be judged for it a second time (i.e. later in the relationship) if a fair conclusion and course of action was arrived at during the first judgement <en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Double_jeopardy>

[surfhb]

I would bring it up if I were asked. But just coming out during a date and saying you're dating around is not the best way to keep a girls interest....especially since it's none of her business anyway.

Once there's a relationship going then that's different of course

If it's a simple date why would this topic come up in the first place.

Btw.....it doesn't take that many dates to determine if a person is someone you want to care exclusively anyway

[HeartIsAching]

No, if you're not exclusive with either one, it's not cheating.

The best policy though, is still honesty. Tell them you're dating around... tell them that if you want to be exclusive that you'll make that clear when the time comes, and if they want to be exclusive, they should be clear with you.

Always wear a condom.

[searock]

I would bring it up if I were asked. But just coming out during a date and saying you're dating around is not the best way to keep a girls interest....especially since it's none of her business anyway.

Once there's a relationship going then that's different of course

If it's a simple date why would this topic come up in the first place.

I agree that it would make little sense to just blurt it out during the date. One should tell them before the date, so it's out in the open and in case things get serious, there won't be any unpleasant surprise.

If it's no big deal, the girl (or guy) won't be bothered by it and will appreciate the honesty.

[michelle23]

Are both these women strangers that you have no feelings for? If yes, then its not really a "date".. its more of a "getting to know you over coffee".. but I do think if you agree to a third date then surely its because you like her.. so then I think its time to stop playing games and invest yourself more.

Ive never multiple dated-its really not for me and I dont see the point other than people who are afraid to invest themselves emotionally or commit and feel the need for a backup plan. Id probably get confused too and mix up their names or something we talked about.. I went on a date once with a guy who got my name wrong so I got out of his car and said goodbye..

Its just too messy and too complicated for me. Lol