How does a man choose his girlfriend?

[Glory Box]

Hey guys,

I need some insight on how, more or less unconsciously, a guy chooses his girlfriend.
I know this man, he's educated, smart, out-going, very companionable, he has a sharp sense of humour. In society, he shows some self-confidence, still he's very humble, not the show-off type, see? He's not the hottest man around but there's something incredibly elegant and stylish about him. In short, he's very charismatic. He has a prestigious job and he's surrrounded all day long by pretty clever girls and I CAN'T figure why he had to pick among them the most unpretty one by far... She may be nice and clever (I don't know her much) but she's really not pretty at all...

So what the heck? Can anyone enlighten me?

(You may think I'm jealous. Well i had a big crush on him a couple of years ago but i've moved on since then and i have been in a relationship for a year with another man. Still, when i learnt about his relationship with this girl, i felt a bit upset and skeptical. Ego, probably )

[searock]

Has nobody ever told you that attractiveness is in the eye of the beholder?

You may think she is unattractive, but obviously he is attracted to her, in other words she is attractive to him.

[Glory Box]

Thanks for this semantic lesson Searock I'm aware of this yet i'm not convinced.

He can lack self-confidence when it comes to seduction and women so my take is, unconsciously, he's more comfortable in a relationship with a girl that won't draw attention to her and won't be hit on by other men. He assumes she's more reliable than a pretty girl because she won't have many opportunities... What do you say?

[searock]

That it's not likely. I think he is very attracted to this woman and this is why he chooses to be with her.

[michelle23]

Everyone has a type. Sometimes its not the stereotypical standard of beauty. Lots of men like curvy women. Some like fat women. Some think personality is more important. In general i think most men are better looking than most women and there not half as fussy as we are.

Im not sure why you assume hes insecure for going out with someone "who wont get hit on".. some ugly women get more attention than the best looking girls I know coz they go looking for it more. Have you ever watched jeremy kyle?? Some of them are uglier than a hippo but have slept with 200 people.. and have 2 men fighting over her on stage.. lol..

Just coz someone is unattractive (to you) doesnt mean they are trustworthy..

[bitconfuzed]

That's a tough one to answer. It varies so much between guys. For me, it usually go something like this. First, there's a physical attraction. Then, I usually see what they're personality and character are like in public settings. For example, I wouldn't go for a girl who was flirting with everybody or dressed too provocatively. Then, I try to get to know them more personally. It seems to me like I never pick one. They just happen to show up.

[countrysailor]

I have to agree with several of the other posters. He could have a number of reasons for choosing her. Maybe he enjoys the way she makes him feel or laugh, maybe she is fun.
Maybe he doesn't care about looks as much as other guys may.
The only person that can honestly answer this question is him. If you are really curious, ask him. You might be surprised by his answer.

[HeartIsAching]

Many things are sexy - not just the superficial, physical traits.

I find intelligence very sexy. In fact, I'd say that tops my list.

A well-developed sense of humor is also sexy.

Empathy, loyalty and kindness are also very sexy.

I can't tell you how many gorgeous women who turned out to be first-class bitches I've walked away from. Hell no.

And as searock said - everyone's standard of beauty is not the same. I tend to like short, long-haired (red or brown) busty women that are a bit plump... Yet I am married to the love of my life, who is tall, not busty, and has white shoulder-length hair. Maybe you can guess why I find her sexy? Nah, I'll just tell you - she's highly intelligent, has a wicked sense of humor, is very empathetic and is also the kindest/best human being I've ever known.

[Rowen]

He has a prestigious job and he's surrrounded all day long by pretty clever girls and I CAN'T figure why he had to pick among them the most unpretty one by far... She may be nice and clever (I don't know her much) but she's really not pretty at all...

Well shit... It sounds to me like it's the personality of you and the others he was turned off by. I would be too.

Searock is right; beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And a large part of beauty, whether you believe it or not, is personality. You could have someone who looks like they could be a supermodel, but it means absolutely nothing if you can't talk to them because love isn't spending sixty or seventy years LOOKING at someone... It's spending that time sharing experiences and TALKING with them. Actually, I'm a prime example of this... I'm highly attracted to older men while most people my age are attracted to college students with designer clothes. I've had people approach me a few times and say to me, "Why would you want HIM?! He's a step away from being old enough to be your father, and there are many younger and hotter guys around." You know what my response was to that, again and again? I said, "Well, I happen to think he's beautiful and handsome- extremely kind and amazingly special. We can go on talking to each other for hours and always find something to laugh about. Keep your younger men; I really care about this one."

Beauty isn't always something you can see. And if you're too immature to know that, I'm sorry but I don't foresee you having a healthy relationship with anyone.