All right, so this one is going to be a bit long. Get comfortable.
So, I've liked this guy for going on five years. We were pretty good friends before I started liking him: then it got all Clueless and I didn't know what I should do. So you can imagine that I haven't been exactly... flirtatious or encouraging. I confessed to him, sure that he liked me somewhat, in 8th grade, but when he teased me about it, I may have lashed back a little too meanly and he rejected me. I don't really believe that he really didn't have feelings for me, but that I hurt his feelings on accident... Then, I got really scared of talking to him: what if he didn't want to talk to me? What if I ruined everything? So I tried to leave him alone. I had been stalked and pursued relentlessly at the time by people whose feelings I didn't reciprocate, and I didn't want to put him through that same treatment, no matter how much I liked him or wanted to believe he liked me. Plus, liking someone a whole lot more than you've ever liked someone is something wonderful, but totally uncomfortable and I preferred to ignore it if he didn't want to indulge me.
So, I totally doubted everything. I doubted all these things that should have been signs: frequent staring, inability to speak, using excuses to get close to me, avoiding eye-contact, blushing- and his obnoxious friends are a dead giveaway. They stare at me and make noises when I walk past; whenever things come up about me in conversation outside of me talking to them, they laugh; in one particular incident, we had both forgotten to pick up our yearbooks and most of the boys in class (who are coincidentally his friends) started laughing and being idiots, secretive in the most obvious way possible. Then one of them was like, "Why don't you go pick it up?" and he looked at me very knowingly, like he knew my secret, and I... wow. (This, paired with that day I caught him smiling at me and then he ran away was driving me nuts: plus, he's really jealous and doesn't like any of my guy friends and then started dressing like them and what am I saying people's styles change... even though I changed my whole look for him, too, so... uuh stop reading this)
Man, they were being really rowdy on Wednesday, our last day of school, and the post here is really about what happened that day...
All of those other things were just hopeful speculation, and maybe this is just hopeful speculation, but I don't know...
So, we are finished with our final, and I'm trying to.. ignore him... *cries*
But I just can't. I can't help it: I still like him, a whole freaking lot.
So, I can't focus on anything, I just keep listening to him talk, like a creep.
And he's talking to his friend, and I'm fairly certain they're talking about me, because earlier I turned around to answer a question his friend asked and his friends watched him stare at me, and, not wanting to make anyone uncomfortable, I pretend to not notice he's staring at me and the other guys
I mean, I don't want to embarrass him any more than they have, considering, but they were
I mean, they were barking at him. like uh, puppy love, I'm guessing
Yeah.
So anyway!
Hahaha, anyway. The final's over now, and I've been talking steadily to this friend of his (who I'm pretty sure is trying to do him a solid by talking to me so that he can jump in but dumbass here is as scared of me as I am of him even though we shouldn't be scared of each other at all since we know each other but we're dumb), but now as he is occupied, I have nothing to do but listen to these two idiots whisper as loudly as they possibly can in the back corner there.
They look at me for a second.
Of course, I pretend I'm looking at that thing next to them and turn away.
And the friend asks, "Why don't you just ask her out?"
And the guy I like says, "She'll say no!"
I came home that day and almost died, I'm sure.
You idiot!! I've liked you this whole time!
As soon as I got over how dumb we both are, I wanted to go find him and tell him that I could never have said no to him, but school's over. That was the last day.
And we'll be back next year, we'll be seniors, but I don't want to wait any longer to be together! Even if it doesn't work out, I want to at least get to be with him! I don't want him to get away from me, but I don't know how to contact him now... I've lost my phone. You'd think with the internet... What should I do? Should I just be a little more patient? And what if I lose the nerve over the break to tell him how I feel? Aiyaaaaaaah