my take on insecurity

[Billyman3000]

I'm insecure, my life has been a train wreck: I was bullied until 9th grade, girls never really got along with me and even ran away from me in disgust because of my social awkwardness. I'm now in college, and it hurts to see everyone of my friends in a relationship. It just hurts... I'm in college, college is the time to get someone...

And now, everyone's telling me that "insecurity is a huge turn off in guys". I get it, insecure people can be controlling, abusive and life-destructive, but if you took the time to really understand them, you maybe find a very loving, understanding and caring person, and MAYBE those flaws would be no more. Plus, not every insecure person is controlling, abusive and life-destrucrive. And no, I wouldn't mind to date an insecure girl, I know what's like to have the universe bite your hand off everytime you try to reach out of it, when things have no chance of going wrong, and then everything just falls apart. And yes, there's a limit, if she passes it, I just break up with her. But overall, I understand why some people are insecure!

I have nothing against people who live life happily, life can be cool sometimes. I just hate when people start teasing and shunning insecure people. Let's use "Chad" as an example. Chad is the proverbial confident, optimistic and cheerful guy everyone knows and likes. When people ask him for advice on how to pick up chicks or how to succeed at that job interview, he just tells them to "be confident, because chicks dig it". Yes, even if you're a freaking idiot, if you show a little bit of confidence, people will follow you to the ends of the earth. Yes, confidence is cool because it's an indicator of past success, but you, my dear friend Chad, find it easier to take those chances because, very early on, you had positive results from taking them. You are confident when talking to girls because you ALWAYS had them saying "yes" to you every time! You don't know what I'm talking about because you never had it any other way. Now go and relive your life as the weird kid, the fat kid or the poor kid. Reach ages 12 or 13, and watch girls give you the same look they give to a spider they found in the bathtub, with a body language that says "get the hell out of my sight, you creepy ass weirdo!". Go back and live your life in a universe that bites your hand off everytime you try to reach out of it. Then see what your confidence is like at age 23. You see, confidence is the result, and not the cause, of your past success. Confidence is not some secret sauce that solves everything! Sometimes, if you're confident in yourself, you're probably too stupid to know what failure feels like.

Next time you tell this to insecure people, just remember that a caged bird thinks flying is a disease, it's gonna take a lot of time before he starts to fly around like a free bird ^^. We good, my friend. Okay, see ya later

I'm not looking for reasons to be insecure, I just want people to look at things the way an insecure person does, in order to understand why he/she feels like this, instead of randomly bashing, ignoring and/or judging them like a bunch of mouthbreathers.

You know what's the only thing I'm confident about? My book smarts! You want to know why? Because when I was in elementary school, every single teacher told me they loved to read my texts and following my clean and concise thinking, and my test grades were good most of the time! Yes, I had a few failures, but when you're used to being smiled at by life, you face them with a new light! I'm not saying I'm a genius(the more I know, the more I don't know xD), I'm good at school, just that xD.

As I told Chad, my only insecurity is in the relationship(or social) department. I'm afraid I'll have to end up alone because of my insecurity issue, although I don't think it's the biggest personal issue possible for someone to have. I don't get it, why don't people know that there's actually LOTS of intelligent, loving and caring people who just happen to be insecure because of a deep-seated problem, and ignorant, idotic confident people?

[searock]

Have you considered getting therapy to help with your insecurity and pessimism? I think it would help.

It has always kind of irked me that lots of people say "you're insecure" as if it were an insult. It's not like insecure people enjoy being insecure, and just because someone is insecure doesn't mean that they are bad or unpleasant persons.

[Billyman3000]

I can't afford therapy, that's the issue. I'm trying as hard as I can, I'm reading books about psychology and stuff, I'm doing my best to adjust and mature. Therapy would be a great help for me, but money is tight...

I met my best friend in high school, he's insecure but also the best friend someone can have, while the other guys we used to hang out with are confident as hell, but plot twist! they suck big time as people, they're arrogant, cocky, ignorant, just plain bad. If people understood that insecurity does NOT equal bad, maybe, just maybe, they'd find everything they want in an insecure person. But yeah, they will never understand it, and I'll have to adjust myself(not that we have to change, but everyone benefits from a little bit of adjusting and maturing).

[dem862]

Well, typically the insecure, awkward kid goes on to excel in academics, gets the good job and eventually gets the happy life. Usually about the same time the confident guys have just had their first divorce and are paying 66% of their paycheck in child support. Don't quit before the miracle!

[Billyman3000]

Well, I'm the only insecure guy in my group of friends, but I'm the only one who is in a college course which has awesome job opportunities, while one is in a 16th literature course, and the other three didn't even make it to college. Yes, I'm the only one with the chances, but for me relationships are just a glove that just never fitted... I hate this fact, but I just gotta live with it...