hi my name is jim and i have a problem

[himynameisjim]

I didn't know where to go and I have lurked her for a few weeks so I feel like I can come here and just talk and get help.

I have a problem getting my heart broken. I have been in 5 relationships. 2 were serious.

My first serious girlfriend broke up with me due to me being immature and didn't treat her right. I regretted it but got over it as I Realized there was no future

My recent ex was the one I thought. We had gotten along so well and had great times together. I thought she was the one for sure.

She left me for another man.

2 days after we had a fight and broke up. I couldn't believe it. I had no idea and a week later we met up for lunch. She told me she had been going to his house the whole week and were sexually involved but weren't dating. I felt like a bat was just taken to my stomach. I was speechless. She said she wasn't sure if she liked him but he just had this bad boy thing going on. I felt sick. She said she just couldn't commit to someone fully at 21 years old

I had so many questions I just couldnt stop asking. She wanted to remain friends and hang out. The next week on two seperate occasions I got ditched for him. I found myself with another girl sleeping with her. The next week my ex found out and was upset sayng I had moved on. I told her I hadn't but I wasn't waiting for her.

The next night she texted me saying she had been missing me and was thinking about us getting back together. I told her I wouldn't until major changes happen. Then she invited me over to watch a movie. We watched it (nothing sexual happened) and then she said she had to leave Once again she was going to his house. That night I texted her some things along the lines of "I'm not your toy" "Quit using me" "I have much more class than you" "I don't care what happens to you"

We went a week without talking and we texted syaing hello. that saturday we texted a bit and she said she missed me. that night she was at his house again and we fought. i lost my cool and texted more horrible things

its been 3 weeks and yeah we are on speaking terms and she spent the night along with her brother at my house after her dad kicked them out(drunken mess). I heard she is no longer seeing him or anyone.

She said the stuff I had said was very hurtful and that it would take some repair work. I told her she had some work to do herself and that I don't see a future between us unless major changes happen but that could be 2-4 years


the point I'm trying to make is I have some problems when it comes to holding my emotions in. When I get hurt I lash out. I say mean things I shouldn't and I do feel bad after I say them, but in that moment I dont care

I have talked ot many people about this and no one has an answer. I dont consider myself immature to be honest

I just have a hard time forgiving myself for stooping to that low level of saying mean things to a loved one

Is anyone out there to give some advice on how i can fix my problem?

[nico88]

Stop talking to your ex. Pretty sure that will solve your problems.

As for lashing out when you're angry..everybody does that. But if you think it's an extreme case and it's interfering with your relationships with people then go to anger management or something like that.

[so..umhey]

I agree with Nico. U need to stop talking to ur ex. It's not going to help u move on if ur still seeing her and talkin to her all the time

[tiestoboy54]

It's not benefit to go on talking your ex for you. Every meeting and talking with her, is gonna get your depressed and you are gonna be worse than before. You two are not in same harmony... Stop talking with her...

[chinagirl]

You have anger management issues. You need to address that. We can all be angry and say stuff that we don't mean at that time but it seems like the case is extreme with you.

Have you tried walking away when angry and just try to get a breath of fresh air? Or get some therapy to address that.

You will never have a healthy relationship unless you can learn to control your anger during arguments.

As to being friends with your ex, it's not a good idea for the moment since you are both hurt from sleeping with other people.

You both need time to heal and then forgive each other, then maybe you can revisit the friendship.

[rest77]

Keeping contact with your ex BF/GF is never a good ideal and it's not healthy, except for some very, very, few personal reasons best known to you.

And self-control when one is in one of those angry mood is very, very, very IMPORTANT! Because those mean words or curses that comes out of one's mouth when angry are like bullets piercing through different parts of the heart.

Sometimes, they do heal after you apologize, but nevertheless the scar's never go away and they will always remember and use it as a reference. Just mean words and curses that was being used during a fight in a relationship or marriage have always led to separation or divorce.

And remember when the curses are out of your mouth, you can not or never take them back, the harm is done!

I personally prefer to keep quiet or just walk away from that scene when someone offends me or when am angry. Actually that's when i would really want to curse so bad just to make myself feel good, but thank God i have self-control and i would not allow my emotions to take the best of me for a "Moment" that i can never take back and will get to regret.

And i prefer to talk about it when the situation had gown down.

[Yanky]

Stop talking to the mindless ex for starters! She's messing with your mind as much as you're messing with yourself. Get over it already, see a psychologist if you over-dramatize women. It's a serious condition, one in which men create theatrics and romance that only exists in the mind. Women pick up on that and thrive off of it for attention.

Grow a pair.

[Jasmine_87]

Something about your thread reaks of lies. I don't know if it's the part where you said that your ex girlfriend spent the week with another guy whilst you two were together, and told you about it, along with the fact that you two still talked and faught, or if it's the part where you called her your ex.

None of this screams reality to me, for all we know you could have a girlfriend and have cheated on her with this other nut. Either way, stop feeling sorry for yourself.

No offence intended, but I smell an unpleasant stench. I highly recommend getting a psych eval.

[masticate]

I don't think she has respect for you anyway.

I wouldn't necessarily jump to the conclusion that you have psychological disturbances, nor do I agree that all people should be normalized with regards to intensity of emotional expression or passion.

I'm not so sure your story is a lie but if it is, well, good troll, I guess...
If it is not a lie, then it is true, and you really do have a problem, Jim. A problem letting go of the idea that she wants somebody more than she wants you. The idea is real, you can't really look at it another way.

[Butchie]

The fact is, its hard being a stong man but also deal with emotions in the context of this society. I believe younger people are making some inroads on this, yet the ones I am talking about come from the-much-better homes and upbringing that educated upper-middle-class living can bring, therefore there is much less stress and better emotional support, in general.

In any case, don't be so hard on yoruself but do indeed get help. You know there are idiots out there that want to hang every mass murderer we keep having, but the truth is that what they SHOULD be mad about is the fact that so MANY men in America feel they have no emotional support, no recourse, and no ability to avoid isolation and alienation ----- and psychologists all over say so much of these atrocities WOULD NOT HAPPEN if we JUST TREATED EACH OTHER MORE DECENTLY. My two cents based on reading about these things.

[Fluffyducky]

I've skimmed the answers so if I repeat what others say then sorry about that. You're being hurt and it might help to look at what she can offer you right now at this point in time and from what you're saying, it sounds like all she can offer you is pain and lack of respect. You're being treated shabbily. It's no wonder you're getting angry, you absolutely have every right to. You deserve better. I'm sure there's a beautiful person out there for you and when the time is right you will fine her, you will both be ready, both feel the same way and it will be easy, not this difficult tug of war. One thought I will leave you with is that she can only do this to you because you're allowing it and you seem like a nice person. You obviously care about how you act, but you're being pushed to your limits. Is it time to rise above and let go of the drama so that you can have peace? If not, you need to ask yourself what the payoff is that you're getting out of this. That might help you avoid situations like this in the future. All the best