What does he want? Do I give up all together?

[ashleyyyy]

There’s this guy I’ve known for 3 years. We’ve been good friends since then. For the first year we were literally texting each other every day. I started to grow feelings for him. One day I got the courage to tell him I liked him more than a friend. To my surprise he said that he was just starting a relationship and thought we should just stay friends. I really didn’t know there was another girl at that time. Since we talked every day I thought that could’ve came up and I wouldn’t be humiliated. For some reason I decided to stay friends. We kept talking but I told him out of respect for his girlfriend we shouldn’t talk as much. After a while, he started talking to me like it used to be.

It’s now 3 years later and I’m 22 and he’s 27. We were still talking but earlier this year I would ask him if he wanted to hang out. He would usually blame me for not having time to hang out so I was trying. But every time he had something. He did have a demanding job so I understood but then it didn’t seem like he was trying. So I felt that it wasn’t worth it anymore. I had these strong feelings for him for 3 years and I couldn’t move on. I tried to find someone else but I would always compare. I knew I couldn’t move on until I stop all contact. I was never ready to let him go but I thought I would try since it didn’t feel like he wanted me around anymore. I wanted to tell him in person that we should go our separate ways but he never gave me the time to do so. So I didn’t talk to him for about a month. I thought if he did talk to me it’ll be okay and I’ll respond.

In that month, I came across a psychic and all I wanted to know was about my career. But out of nowhere she mentions a gentleman in my life and a lot of emotion. I thought it was over with him so I never mentioned about him until she brought it up. That he has feelings and we will be happy together. I was confused and she said he’s going to come back soon. I didn’t know what to believe until he face booked me asking to meet up. It was very random. I had finals that day so I wasn’t able to meet up. So we started talking again like nothing happened. I thought he would be mad but it didn’t seem like it. But he told me he broke up with his girlfriend. I was there to ask if he was okay. Then we started talking about relationships. I was talking about what I wanted in a guy and he was agreeing to everything I was saying. He said that’s how he is. I basically said okay. I didn’t know how to respond. He did get bothered when we talked about how we weren’t speaking for a month. I didn’t know he would get mad about it because we weren’t anything. But our communication is weak again and I don’t know what to do. I could never put myself out there again so I hold back on many things because I fear rejection again. I’m afraid to give hints that I like him and I just act like nothing is bothering me. I never understood why he couldn’t just leave me alone. I personally wouldn’t talk to a guy for 3 years for nothing. We would talk almost every day about everything. Even our deepest secrets. I'm just confused and really impatient now.

[MrLoyal]

Grow a pair and ask him out on a date!

[nico88]

I'd ask him out.

But if this time he still says no then I'd cut him out of your life. Remaining friends would obviously hinder you from moving on so that would be the best thing for you to do. And even tho it would presently suck ass..it would be in your best interest in the long run you know?

[XyOh]

I think that it's possible that he was only contacting you because he just broke up with his girlfriend and he was looking for attention. Was this recent?

If he has feelings for you, they're not strong enough to be straight forward about what they are for you. I wouldn't go so far as to stop talking to him, but I really think you'll have your answer if you wait for him to make the move first. You've already been rejected once and that's enough. Just keep the ball in his court. He might not be ready to move on, so just let him make the move.

Treat him like a friend. If you can't, then try to keep your contact with him to a minimum. It doesn't have to be night and day where you either chat constantly or not at all. Just keep it casual and lighthearted. Let your friendship grow again before you worry about whether a relationship is possible.

Also, don't put all your eggs in one basket. You can't compare other men you're dating to him, because you yourself have never dated him. Right now, you've put this idea of him on a pedestal and that's not fair to either of you. You're comparing possibly great guys with what might ultimately be just a fantasy. You've made good choices so far, so I think you can understand where I'm coming from. You're on the right track. Keep your head clear and remember the reality: the two of you are friends and nothing more for now.

[ashleyyyy]

Thanks everyone! Good insight. But I think I'll just try to move on.

[rest77]

You can't force a man to fall in love with you. If he had feelings for you the way you have for him, it wouldn't have been this difficult.

By still keeping contact with him looks like an endless circle to me. Move on and look for somebody who deserves you.

[Fluffyducky]

Moving on sounds like a wise decision. I had a friend in exactly the same situation. It turns out he was just checking her out again because his relationship ended, but she realized that when he chose someone else over her, that she wasn't the one for him the first time, so why would she be now? It's not a case of 'settling' for someone because you aren't with someone right now. He agreed to your list, but it's not really his place to say. You need to see these things for yourself and choose for yourself. The person who is right for you will fit nicely with you and you won't need to feel awkward or impatient. He'd be there, making it clear what his feelings are so that there is no doubt in your mind. Good luck in the future