first dont judge my spelling and or lack of capital letters and lack of doting at the end of a sentence - working with a broken laptop keyboard, also english is not my native language
you can call me wolf and i'm 32
3 months ago me and this wonderful girl started dating and we felt in love fast, we both did and it was for the most part woderful
i was and felt as her personal hero as i helped her break free from a 4 year old relationn where she was literally a prisoner but a relation that ended from her pov 2 years prior to her meeting me
all was well and wonderfull it was the first time in my life i ever felt in love like this, i always tought prior to this that i'm one of those who will never love or be loved in that way
2 weeks ago she broke up with me and i'm a mess ever since, spending the first week in denyal and maybe a bit angry not understanding the reasoning behind her decission and the last week crying several times each day once i understood
as an individual i'm not the most happy with how i lived my life so far - spent a huge part of my life not careing much for socialization, relationships but mostly was into playing online mmorpg's/ i look back at it now and wonder how on earth could i be so stupid
for the last 3 years i went trough some very rough times due to some legal problems ending in a convinction that made it imposible to keep my job - i was army eod/ i''ve spent the last 3 years mostly beeing mad at the world and drinking way to many beers at once and getting in trouble with the law because of my violent and reckless behaviour while drunk - very nasty stuff - hurting myself and others that cared for me
i like to belive i'm a good person and i certanly have my strong parts but beeing a drunken bastard eclipsed it
she gave gave plenty of signs she was not ok with how i was behaving but i was blind to them then
in conclusion my girl left me because of my behaviour and i totally understand that/ she loved me but not the other dude - the drunk idiot/ i'm not that person anymore but that man messed things big time - lost my love, left heartbroken and with a with a big feeling of disrespect twoards myself, guilt and lonellines
i don't know what to ask of this comunity - but only writting this down takes a bit of load of my sould - i find perhaps comfort in knowing well intended people will read this and offer some kind of feedback
yours trully wolf