Need some sound advice.

[aglassofwater]

Hi all, need some insights / comments / thoughts / advise from a girl’s point of view.
Constructive comments please.

Backstory:
I’ve been dating my girlfriend since 2012. For the first year it was long distance (different country, same timezone) and we only see each about once every month / 2 months. Then we broke up for a few months in 2013 and got back together 4th quarter 2013. We moved in together since and she got a new job recently.

On this new job, she seems to be quite close with her boss/manager. At first they were texting about work and random stuff on weekends. She would mention to me and i told her it’s not very nice and she should draw the line since he’s a married men with kids. We had a fight over this once and since then she seldom mentions about the texts because she thinks I’m overly sensitive.
I know that i have good gut feeling and i should trust it (another bad experience previously).

Fast-forward a few weeks, they are still texting and i recently saw flirting messages. Both from her boss and herself. I believe men and women can be friends / good friends but i strongly believe there needs to be a clear line, especially since both parties are attached.

I found out that she’s having dinner with him today and she lied about it being a company thing. I am very, very confused now, after all the promises she made about being sure i’m the one. We are already talking about getting married sometime this year.

Our relationship has been fine so far but i really don’t know what to make of this.
Theories i came up with include:

- She’s trying to get on the good side of her boss in hopes of building a better relationship thus better chances of promotion / salary increment when the time comes.

- All the cover up lies is just so i don’t get jealous and over-think.

- She thinks that this is just a normal dinner and decides not to make a big fuss out of it

Note:
I am needy sometimes (i love it when she gives me attention) and i give all my love to this women and put her well-being before anything else, but I’m still feeling insecure at times. I really want to be sure before i decide that she is going to my life partner.

Let me know what you ladies think.

Thank you.

[chinagirl]

No matter what angle you look at this, it is wrong for her to exchange text mesages with her boss (specially flirtatious ones). Communication between co-workers and/or boss/employee should only occur via work e-mail and not text unless it is an emergency. She also shouldn't be going out on dinner with her boss alone. This will give her a negative impression at work specially that the boss is married with kids.

If she really wants a promotion (if that's really the case), it is not the right way to move up the ladder. People get promoted at work because they are considered good workers and valued employees...NOT because their kissing their boss' ass.

In terms of lying to you, whether you get upset with what she is doing (which by the way, you have every reason to be upset), she should still be honest with you when it comes to any dealings with her boss.

If I were you, I would reevaluate this relationship before jumping into the next big step which is getting married. It doesn't seem to me that she is as committed as you in the relationship.

Whatever happens, Good luck.

[smackie9]

She is emotionally cheating on you, you can't stop this from happening or happening again because she is doing it because she has lost interest in you. It's a no brainer you must kick her ass to the curb. Don't be a wuss and think you can resolve this. She has proven to you she is a cheater and you can never trust her.

Her explanation she gave you is in hopes you would be that dumb to believe her.....don't believe her, it's all bs.

[michelle23]

Im with smackie. Its an emotional affair. There are two many red flags here for it to be anything else. Long distance isnt reality based so your only getting to know the real her now. You should leave her. You can do better than this.

People who cheat this way are weak, have a fear of being alone and prefer to escape to a fantasy world instead of taking responsibility for their own lives or facing their issues. Its similar to an alcoholic (escapism)..

[Jasmine_87]

She IS emotionally cheating on you. Is her boss responding in the same light?

It isn't worth your time. If she was in love with you she wouldn't do it and if she loved him she wouldn't be in a relationship, so unless you guys are serious, move on. She doesn't sound like she's mature enough to deal with a relationship right now.

[aglassofwater]

@chinagirl - Yes i know i should reevaluate the relationship, which is what i'm doing now. But as with all relationships, it's hard to let go. And a confession on my side, the reason i know of all the flirting messages is because i've been snooping around. It's not right but it's the only way i know. I believe relationships (especially when it comes to marriage) should be absolutely open and honest. But she believes that everyone should have their own dark secrets. I don't disagree with that but this is too much. It's very emotionally taxing to think about it day and night and still having to face her as if i don't know anything. By the way her dinner with her boss didn't happen due to some issues, but i think it eventually will.

@smackie9 / @michelle23 - i know, but it's easier said than done. especially after all the emotional investment.

@Jasmine_87 - Yes her boss is responding in the same light. Even more so than her. (but it takes 2 hands to clap...) Though their texts are of non-sexual nature now, i'm sure it will escalate into something else. I don't think she loves him or anything, it might be just for the thrill. But i don't know.

Thank you all for your comments. I'm still deciding what the next step should be. We've moved pass the point in our relationship that it's not just only about us, but our families as well. So it really is not gonna be easy.