Seeing ex wife's sister

[Fullofthoughts]

Hi all. Looking for some opinions on this tricky situation I've got myself into.

Before I met my wife maybe 10 or so years ago I knew her slightly younger sister. I found her younger sister very attractive. However, I met my now ex wife and we got together and obviously got married. I no longer had any sexual thoughts about her younger sister and didn't see her in that way as she was now my sister in law.

Anyways, 10 years on and I split from my wife maybe 2 months ago. Even though we've only been separated a few months, in my mind it was over years ago so I've had no problem coming to terms with it.

I stayed in touch with her mum and her sister. One night I'd had a few drinks and her sister got in touch and we got chatting. She invited me round to hers. She is married to an absolute bastard who beats the crap out of her on a regular basis. Her marriage is over but she's just never managed to get completely away from him. She has a child of around 3 years old.

We've always got on great and this night we had plenty to say to each other. It ended up with us in bed together and it was excellent. We both felt bad about this and following the odd text we hadn't really seen or spoken to each other about it for the past 2 or 3 weeks. Anyway.... We went out and had lunch today which was really nice and we were definitely flirting with each other. I'm massively attracted to her. Earlier tonight we talked on the phone and both basically said that we wanted to start a new life together. I can see myself being with her and her child is fantastic too. We talked about the fact we'd love to have another child together.

We're going out on a date together this week but we're having to hide it from her child, sister, mother and husband!

This is something we both want but I know her sister will be devastated. Morally we feel we shouldn't do it as it'll likely cause a lot of family upset but at the same time I love her and her child and you only get one chance at life and if it's a chance of us being happy together then we feel we should take that chance.

It's not an ideal situation but what do others reckon?

[vashti]

It's not an ideal situation but what do others reckon?

I don't know who is the bigger asshole - you or her. Good thing your wife unloaded you.

[Wakeup]

*sniffs* I smell the stench of troll.

[smackie9]

She is insecure, a coward, a slut. You have no respect for relationships, marriage or family. You both are scum bags.

[Fullofthoughts]

Hmm I kind if figured this would be the response. I'm no troll by the way. This is a genuine situation. I didn't sleep at all last night. Many thoughts going around inside my mind. I know it's wrong but at the same time we're both really happy together.

[Valixy]

Of course you're both happy now at the first encounters because you're both infatuated and none of you has faced any consequences yet but there will be consequences if you continue. Her family will never agree, they'll all have something to say or feel they have nothing to tell you ever again. She will be judged and maybe excluded by many family members. Her life as she knows it will stop existing and no one is ever ready for that. There is going to be a lot of guilt and conflict in your lives and it will drain you both. No romance is worth such a big price and your romance most probably won't survive in time anyway.

My advice is to forget what happened, stop seeing her sister and look for a relationship that doesn't bring so much conflict in your life - if you really want to be happy in love this is. You'll be so grateful if you take the right decision now before having to deal with all that hell full of regrets.

[michelle23]

Ok so what happens when the honeymoon period fades, shes finally free of her abusive husband and realizes you were just a rebound who helped her out of a messy situation? She will be alone then with no family to turn to, no independance, probably no money and a young child to look after.. so will you just stay together out of obligation and guilt until she finds a new relationship??

You need to get your head out of your ass. This isnt a fairytale. Its real life and you have both just crossed a serious line. Where is your morals-your respect for your ex who gave you 10 years of her freaking life. Just coz your not together anymore doesnt give you permission to trample all over her feelings. As for the sister-what a cunt! She should be supporting her sister through a difficult separation-not ****ing her ex.

Shame on both of you. Maybe you deserve each other. I think people show who they really are throughout a breakup and you just proved you were never worth it to begin with

[Fullofthoughts]

She left her husband quite a while ago. She has her own place where she lives with her child but the husband is crazy, obsessive, controlling and keeps stalking her and giving her agro.

I know it's bad and I expected this response. I would have rather met someone completely independent from the family but it hasn't turned out that way and I can't get over how I feel about her.

I'm friends of another couple I know and his wife used to be married to his brother and they are very happily married and still heavily involved in friendship and business with the brother. I think my ex wife would be hurt but I actually don't think the rest of the family will have a problem with it. It'd be a bit weird initially but it'd settle down. She doesn't see a lot of her family anyway because her controlling, wife beating husband wouldn't let her so that aspect couldn't get any worse.

[goodmorning]

so the girl got married to a psycho who beats her up, brought a child into the shitty situation, and is now fcuking with her sisters ex-husband.

what on earth make you think this will work?

[michelle23]

So youve already made up your mind. Why are you asking for advice then?

[CrasherRob8]

The reason you have fallen for your ex-wife's sister is probably due to the fact she reminds you of all the good things your ex-wife used to be.

[smackie9]

When you keep something like this a secret, you know you shouldn't be doing it.

[michelle23]

Hes always wanted her. Im not buying the whole innocent act. Im out of this thread. OP living a lie and a sham of a marriage is fooling yourself. You settled all these years. What a waste

[surfhb]

So you want a relationship with a woman who allowed abusive man into her life and is the sister of your ex?

You're insane bro!