need help attracting the opposite sex?

[basilandthyme]

So apparently my hubby doesn't find any of my current female friends attractive (yes, this is an OK discussion in our house. And yes, he can and has been honest in the past and no, I'm not so insecure that I get bent out of shape at an honest response)

He explained that it's because none of them are flirty and none show their sexual side. Now, I'm the total opposite of this and said "so, is that why I never had a problem getting a boyfriend?" and he said "yep. Exactly".

Of course, those of you who have no problems with being flirty and sexy will say "duh, of course". But this thread is not meant for you. It's meant for those who forever find themselves in the friendzone. And for the record, it works the same way for men. If he's flirty and shows his sexual side, he'll have a really good chance. And if he doesn't show that side of himself, he's going nowhere fast.

[KingZ]

Thanks, bud.

[Valixy]

I think that inevitably women are attracted to masculinity and men to femininity in an initial phase (and even later) which we end up perceiving as sexual energy. Different expressions of masculinity or femininity attract different people, I suppose. Some may prefer a more subtle expression, others a stronger one.

Some men might respond immediately to a daring type of woman, others may prefer to observe a more reserved one, some men might find shyness attractive, others couldn't stand it, or some would melt immediately when meeting a warm charming woman, but others couldn't resist to a cool inaccessible or mysterious type. Some women find dreamers very attractive, others need a down to earth kind of man, some would be blown away by witty conversation, others would feel more comfortable with a more direct approach, some may find the group guy very attractive, others would find a loner irresistible, or would choose a calm, laid back man over a nervous active type, or viceversa.

I suppose it's all about being yourself, and the compatible man or woman would simply respond to your expression of sexual energy, but obviously sexual energy can't be totally absent when trying to find a partner. I personally doubt it is totally absent in most of the people, it's just that we sometimes don't pick up certain signals or we decide to ignore them because of social conditioning or because we intially feel we're incompatible, but that perception could change sometimes if we had a chance to spend more time together and we could discover that we are attracted actually to a person that we didn't find appealing at the beginning.

[dem862]

Thanks for the insight. I believe the word is "chemistry." Flirting and being sexual with your friend's husband would show poor judgment. But like many other taboos, it is not out of the realm of possibility. This is why cheating occurs, and office romances, etc.

For many men, the chemistry is not that important; sex is a commodity. You must find it, obtain it, use it, then continue the cycle. Why? Because the hormone testosterone dictates it. That's what males have done for thousands of years.

Some women, being more passive, respond to the overt male gestures or not, depending on their emotional state. The art of seduction involves being in tune with, and working with the feminine emotions that a particular woman needs to feel to get her juices flowing.