6 month relationship advice urgently needed

[lover145]

Hey everyone. Been in a relationship for 6 months...my longest ever relationship and I'm feeling extremely insecure/depressed recently about it all. Some days I feel positive about everything, others I feel depressed as hell. Need some advice so things to back to normal as I really love this girl.

I absolutely love the girl I'm with she's caring and loving...comes from a strict family...especially her father. She Fought heaven and earth to get me over to her parents house to meet her dad. He's been slowly getting to accept me..he's caused a lot of grief for us. long story short there r cultural and age differences. I'm Fijian and my girlfriend is Lebanese. He wants her to be with a Lebanese guy. But after the struggle he's slowly starting to get used to me and his daughter being together and actually likes me. Things r starting to look up. My gf has even been introducing me to her cousins and friends.

Everything has been going really well for me and my girlfriend until a big fight we had recently. She in invited me over to watch movies at her house on the weekend. I noticed in her snapchat friends list her ex boyfriend of about 6 months was in her list. He has never been there before. Me being stupid shrugged it off thinking it was just him trying to get in contact with her again as he has tried to before me and my girlfriend were together (me and my gf have been friends for a year and she told me about her ex then). It wasn't until a couple days later it started to bother me as I thought about it. What if she wants to get back with her ex? Still has feelings for him? What if he's trying to get in contact with her and get her back? I couldn't just stand there n let that happen. I needed answers.

We caught up about a couple days later. She was on snapchat again and her ex was removed off her friends list. I ask ur ex was on ur friends list on the weekend why isn't he there now? She calmly said u sure it wasn't my cousin? He has he same name as my ex. To which I said no it was ur exes first and last name. I asked why he was there and y he was gone all of a sudden. She replied he deleted snapchat ages ago and I honestly can't remember when I deleted him off my list. Which I thought was ridiculous. How could u forget when u deleted ur ex in 2 days space? She then said I can't believe I thought I loved my ex..that all changed when I met u. I thought I loved him back then as I was going through a rough time in my life. I lost my grandmother and just needed someone to talk to. Until I met u. Now I know what real love is. It was left at that.

Till about 2 days later it kept eating at me. We were out on a date and I asked her again if she was in contact with her ex. Being loving and understanding she said calmly that she hasn't and they haven't spoken pretty much since they broke up. She assured me I had a right to know if her ex was contacting her n she would have told me. She wouldn't do that behind my back. She said I had to trust her. She said she wanted nothing to do with him and doesn't even wanna hear from him. I asked her to swear to god what she telling me is the truth to which she did. All was well. The date went on and was a good night. But I noticed her being a bit different around me the next couple of days. The texts weren't that loving. Usually she would text me first throughout the day and make the first effort. Same as the fone calls. Except this time I was making the first effort and she gAve me very short responses in the answers to my questions which was very uncommon of her. We didn't see each other for 2 days as she spent Easter with her family.

I called her one night to ask what was up and she cried and said u really hurt me the other night with what u accused with me about my ex. I told u everything and u still didn't believe me. That killed me. U don't trust or love me. I'm making u upset recently. Ur life would be better off without me. I assured her I do love her and do trust her and explained I just wanted to know why her ex was in her snapchat list and gone the next day. I told her i was just afraid of being hurt incase she still had feelings for her ex and do have a right to know if she was contacted by him. I asked her if she still wanted to be with me. She then said I don't know u really hurt me..I need to think about it. I know she talked to her cousins about what happened as it was Easter weekend and they advised her as well. Even suggesting I must talk to other girls too..which is true I have a good friend outer state who I keep in contact with. The fone call ended with an apology from me. I told her I would prefer to know what her decision is tonight if she wanted to be with me or not. She said she loved me and still wanted to be with me.

A couple days went on. The whole situation and feelings killed me. I gave her some space. She still was different over text and phone call. I gave in and had to see her to sort things out no matter what the outcome. Basically I explained my point of view again n told her if she was in my shoes she would be a bit concerned as well. To which she agreed. I asked her if she loved me enough like she always said to forgive me. To which she did. Things were still a bit awkward. It was our first big fight I guess. We always get along until this. I drove home and she texts me that night. See below:
Hi baby thank you so much for coming today im sorry I know I over reacted about everything but I know I can't live without you and I don't know what I would do without you we will go out soon I love you so much never forget that ♥

Since then we've been out on two date nights. They were great and she's back to normal. She even acted a big insecure herself saying her cousins freaked her out saying I'm chatting up another girl on facebook who is just a good mate. She asked to read my private messages to her to which I did caus I have nothin to hide. Her mind was put at ease.

But now here I am. Still confused. My question remains unanswered I guess. I still feel like I'm being lied to about her ex. I feel insecure. I've been told by friends to give her the benefit of the doubt and to let it go and trust her. Even with her reassurances I feel doubt. when I'm around her now I feel like I can't be myself anymore as my trust for her and this question remaining unanswered gets to me. I can't ask her about it again that would kill her. So here I am asking u guys here. What should I do? Do i have a right to be worried? R there any red flags? Do I have anything to worry about? I know I'm a bit of a stress head and worry a lot. LDo u think she is gunna get back with her ex? Any strategies to deal with insecurity? I'm just really low on self esteem ATM...I really so love this girl and don't wanna lose her. Any advice is much appreciated. Thanks heaps

[surfhb]

Your behavior is something that will turn a girl off in a heartbeat my friend. Stop being so insecure about this! She's with you right? Leave it at that and stop worrying.

I hope you apologized?

[fearoflove]

The more insecure and needy you are, the more it will turn her off. Don't bring it up again. If she really is cheating on you or talking to her ex, there is nothing you can do. It would have been a symptom of a deeper dissatisfaction in the relationship. Focus on improving the relationship rather than on these distractions.

[michelle23]

If she cheats you dump her-simple. Stop worrying about something that hasnt happened

[smackie9]

F uckin just let it go! geeezus! If her ex text her, so what, he probably asked her how she was doing, big deal. She doesn't have to tell you everything or answer to you if an ex contacts her. That's her business not yours. Grow up. She's allowed to have some privacy. Stop looking through her phone, you are just sabotaging your relationship with her.

[lover145]

Yeah I know I gotta let things go. Yes I know its a turn off and yes I apologised. I'm new to this whole relationship thing it's pretty much my first relationship. Which is probably why in so confused. And why I'm so insecure..I'm amazed how long it's lasted lol. I love her heaps n hated myself for how I acted. Just don't wanna be lied to but she promised me she wasn't in contact with him. Do u guys think she still is and is just lying to me? Just doesn't explain the snapchst thing. But yeah gotta let it go I guess. Do u guys think she's texting or cheating with him? Or am I overreacting? I just want 100 percent honesty in this relationship. I just don't want her to come up to me one day and go I'm still not over my ex so I have to leave u..agh hate feeling this way

- - - Updated - - -

And the thing is I see no dissatisfaction in the relationship. She seems really happy with me always texts me and invites me places with her...

[surfhb]

No on all points. She's not cheating or lying and have nothing to worry about. Maybe read some books on co dependency or low self esteem....or perhaps see a therapist ?

[smiling100]

Her text sounds pretty positive.

"Hi baby thank you so much for coming today im sorry I know I over reacted about everything but I know I can't live without you and I don't know what I would do without you we will go out soon I love you so much never forget that ♥"

It will turn her off eventually if you carry on this way. Don't become a possessive boyfriend. It will eventually go pear shaped. Seek therapy about why you are so insecure about this before it's to late.

[lover145]

Thanks so much for your feedback everyone. It has been a very difficult week for me so your advice would be much appreciated. Since our fight, we made up. Had a couple of great nights out together late last week things went really well. This week though she has been acting extremely different...

1) Monday and Tuesday she was off work sick. Usually throughout the day she would text me and ask how my day is going etc. Ask me to call, etc. She didn't bother today...I texted her and we had mini conversation (not as much talk as we used to). It took her almost 3 hours to reply to one of my messages. That's the longest time ever she has taken to reply to my message. I hear you saying now 'shes sick, give her time to rest'. But I see her logging in and out of Facebook on her mobile, and still, not replying to my message. Very unlike her. Being worried, I rang her after the 3 hrs. (she did the same thing to me when I didn't reply back to one of her messages 2 weeks ago in about an hour has i was genuinely fallen asleep lol). She claimed she was sleeping and didn't get a chance to check her phone...she said she had a massive headache and couldn't look at the screen to write back a message...there's a lie right there. That didn't stop her from logging on her facebook did it?

That night she asked me to call her. We talked for a while. But she was very different, very cranky! Never seen this side of her. I'd usually joke around on the phone and stuff and make silly noises to make her laugh but she didn't take them as jokes and would snap. She then said "stop ur giving me a headache!!". I stopped obviously I felt bad lol. I changed the topic asked her how her day was, she should get some rest (she said she didnt want to) etc. I asked her if anything interesting happened today to which she paused and said "umm, yeah my friend Tom texted...we talked for ages". She's told me about this guy Tom before, theyve been friends since school (this is not her ex). This guy was interested in her before me, my gf wasn't, but he congratulated my gf on our relationship and that my gf looks happy. I dont know if its just me, but in my gut I felt she was hiding the fact her ex rang, not this tom guy?? I could just hear it in her voice...or am i over analysing? Since that day, shes been acting even weirder towards me!! The communication of texts has been basically to a minimum.

The next day she didn't text me until late afternoon...she would usually text me throughout every single day asking how I am etc. We talked at night as well (she told me to call her). She asked me these questions:
1) Do you love me?
2) Why do you love me?
3) What would you do if I broke up with you?
4) Were you interested in anyone else before me?

To question 3 I said to her "obviously I'd be upset, but I would move on". I fired back "what would you do if I dumped you?" She said "she would break down and cry"

What the heck do all these questions mean? Does she seem insecure too? Or is she hinting a break up? But then why would she say she would break down and cry?

Yesterday she invited me out for dinner and shopping with her mum...it went really well when we were around the mum. It went well until me and my gf were alone just chilling by the lake. We started to kiss (we usually kiss a lot...sorry for the saucy details) as we sometimes find it hard to see each other because of her strict father. This time she seemed more interested in hugging...and looking at her Facebook on her phone. Is this a sign she is going to leave me? She also asked me if everything was ok as I seemed more quiet than usual...i responded "im just tired". She also sighed and went "why does life have to be difficult?"...and i asked her what she meant she goes "my father, just being so strict on us, its killing my life". she told me yesterday "I'm trying to get u invited to come to my cousins birthday as my partner"...as she knows im new this place and have recently moved (not many friends here yet).

Am I reading too much into all of this? Or do I have something to worry about? She keeps giving me mixed messages..she has been VERY different this week...there has been a lack of communication ever since our relationship started. To me, something happened in those 3 hours on Tuesday when she didn't reply to my message...i feel she was on the fone to her ex. She told me last night she loved me...but I don't know if I beleive her...she lies to me...the snapchat thing and saying she was asleep when she was not (on facebook..she ususally scrolls on fb when chattnig to someone)...she also told me a few weeks back I have an "open invitation to her home (she lives with her parents) any time." Which is not true...I was supposed to go have dinner at her parents house this week but the father said no as he wasn't home. All these lies she tells me is a huge turn off for me...I don't know if shes telling me the truth or not about things...especially her ex on snapchat. This is why I get so insecure...its driving me insane. When can I believe her? She says I can trust her, but how can I when she lies? All these things keep going throughout my head and i dont know what to do anymore....any help please? I absolutely adore this girl, I love her...urgent help needed and hugely appreciated..

[razrazraz]

She lied to you. You know she did!
You will never trust her....
How naive people are to think that they can lie and get away with it.
It would have been better for her to tell you the truth.
Perhaps he did contact her and she accepted that contact innocently and subsequently deleted him because she knew it would cause problems.
Better to do that and tell the truth than lie when the evidence irrefutable
You problem here is not that she had temporary contact with an ex, but that she lied to you.
You will never trust her now and that's no foundation for a stable relationship.
If she can lie to you about that, she will lie to you about other things.

[lover145]

Is this why she's been extremely distant this week? Agh hate feeling this way anyone else got advice??

- - - Updated - - -

What do I do

[edwardsla]

you deserve better

[lover145]

Anything to solve the problem or am I screwed? We talked on the fone last night conversation flowed. Just haven't been talking through out the day as we used to..is something up?

[codylf95]

Stick it through... be willing to compromise

[smackie9]

The truth is there is never 100% honesty in a relationship. Somethings will be avoided being said, somethings that happen won't be mentioned, it's a fact of life. But it doesn't mean it's about cheating, or deceit. She is being distant and irritated because you are a paranoid ninny. She can hear it in your voice, sense it in your texts, and feels your vibe. It's getting to her and YOU need to change or you will lose her. You are needlessly worrying, and it's going to destroy this relationship, your next and so on if you don't cut out the crap.