Need opinions on whether I'm a bitch or not

[CanadaLady]

I know the topic title is blunt, but yeah, its valid in this situation. A bit of backstory: Together with my husband for 8 years, married for 6. Normally a happy marriage, we're super close and best friends but this issue today is literally feuding a war and neither of us believes we're in the wrong.

Scenario: We're out to eat at Taco Bell. Yesterday I had noticed that a few of his whiskers on his beard were grey and at the time he was like "yeah I noticed it too" ...and it wasn't a big deal. Didn't mention it again until today. So we're eating our tacos and he asks me: "will you still find me attractive when I go grey?" ...I thought about it for a moment and said "well it depends... (here he freaked out and interrupted with a "IT DEPENDS?!!!") and I went on to finish "if its just your beard thats grey and your hair is still brunette, that would look silly, but if you were entirely grey, both hair and beard, absolutely I'd find you attractive" (LITERALLY MY EXACT WORDS) ...and he still freaked out. He was all "how can you be so mean?" and "you are such an asshole!" ...I tried explaining that I wouldn't find him unattractive if he went grey, but if it was just one or the other (beard or hair) then it'd look odd.

Now, I'm a blunt woman. If he asks me a question I want to answer it honestly, whether he's asking me something huge or something trivial. I don't like to sugarcoat or offer him any falsities to lead him on. If I asked him if I looked fat, I'd want an honest answer and not some "yes dear" type of answer so I make an effort not to do him the same disservice. But he takes offense to everything I answer when he asks me these types of questions. I'm not rude about anything but he still gets offended. (For the record, I find my husband very attractive and while he seems to be his worst enemy when it comes to his body image, I find him absolutely delightful and I tell him so when he asks me) ....when he asked me about the greying thing today I honestly thought I had made it clear that I would find him attractive but the mis-matched color would be strange, just like most people find a mullet strange lol. But since that conversation he's been angry, has called me a bitch, has said he can't have children with me anymore because I'd be a bad influence on them for my blunt-ness, etc. I feel he's taking this whole thing way out of proportion and making it bigger than it needs to be, and he feels I have some major character flaw for being so honest about things he'd prefer for me to lie about.

I don't think either of us are right or wrong, I think we just have mismatched personalities, but he can't seem to be able to accept that I am an honest person when it comes to personal opinions, and I am getting exhausted with how sensitive he can get over what I feel are trivial things.

Advice? Opinions?

[dickriculous]

You: Said if he had a grey beard and black hair it would look odd but if both were grey he would be attractive.

Him: Called you an asshole, called you a bitch, said he can't have kids with you anymore, accuses you of major character flaws


There definitely is a bitch in this equation...I'll leave you to draw your own conclusion as to who it is.

[CanadaLady]

Thank you for your reply...I don't want this to ruin our day further or tear us apart because in my mind its SO trivial and not even worth getting upset over in the first place but he keeps insisting that I need to check myself when answering his questions and sugar coat it to be a nice person. I still don't think me giving him the answer I did was wrong, mean, rude or bitchy but he insists my response was harsh. ARGH. Ready to tear my hair out! lol

[smackie9]

It's not your comment that bothers him, he is very insecure about aging period. Believe it or not men have just as much if not more anxiety about aging than women do...midlife crisis. Next time if he asks you a dumb question like that just say " You can be frickin bald and I would still find you attractive, now stop asking stupid questions ya tard".

[Wakeup]

You couldn't possibly be Canadian. If you were, when he asked that question you would have immediately bought up the Liberal Gas Plant scandal and he would have forgotten he even asked the question.

< This is the Jamaican Bob Sled Team... The one in the middle is the bitch.

Anyway, Whatever TF you do, don't mention the gray hair you find in his pubes... He'll commit Hari Kari if you do.

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Her: Does my ass look fat in these pants?
Him: No, your ass looks fat in that ass.

Lmao.

[CanadaLady]

It's not your comment that bothers him, he is very insecure about aging period. Believe it or not men have just as much if not more anxiety about aging than women do...midlife crisis. Next time if he asks you a dumb question like that just say " You can be frickin bald and I would still find you attractive, now stop asking stupid questions ya tard".

Dude I know! And I DID say I'd find him attractive if he went grey, I just thought since we were specifically talking about his beard that I'd mention how silly having different colored beard/head of hair looks. I've told him to stop asking me questions like that because a)it puts me on the spot and b)it makes me feel like he's testing me. You guys I'm sure have all been through the "honey does this dress make me look fat" question, and I know how much you all hate it! I hate being put on the spot like that too, it just cranks my gears!

He just came down to talk to me and said "I wish that you'd just reassure me sometimes" and I kept re-iterating that I said that I WOULD find him attractive if he went grey, and tried to explain the two-tone comment and he freaked out and stormed out again saying that I just don't understand.

WHAT DO I DO. DO I JUST LIE WHEN HE ASKS ME SHIT LIKE THIS, EVEN THOUGH IT GOES AGAINST MY NATURAL INCLINATION OF BEING HONEST OR DO I JUST KEEP BEING ME AND LET HIM SORT OUT HIS ISSUES ON HIS OWN. ARGHGHGHGH!! MEN! lol

[Wakeup]

A Canadian that fails to be diplomatic is no Canadian. Just sayin... O.o

[CanadaLady]

I just don't understand how he can let something so small just completely ruin our day. I don't mind him calling me a bitch because I honestly prefer to be called out when I'm being a c*nt, but I just don't feel that TODAY I was being a bitch. Honesty shouldn't always equal bitchy. He just refuses to even acknowledge that he was being over-sensitive about something so small...I told him he'd make an attractive older man, I just made sure he knew that having two different hair colors on his head is silliness and that dying it is ok! I also reminded him that I will be going grey and I have no problem dying it to keep it looking young.

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A Canadian that fails to be diplomatic is no Canadian. Just sayin... O.o

I hate hockey, Tim Hortons and maple syrup...tbh I don't even know how they're still letting me live here.

[Wakeup]

I bet you dig deep fried butter, Am I right?

[CanadaLady]

I bet you dig deep fried butter, Am I right?

'the **** is deep fried butter?

Deep fried mars bars are the shit though.

[smackie9]

This goes deeper than going grey. You need to sit down with him and ask him to explain what he wants from you, because his behavior is confusing the f uck out of you.

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'the **** is deep fried butter?

Deep fried mars bars are the shit though.

Deep fried twinkies, bacon and hotdogs.

[Wakeup]

Deep fried "I'm a bitch so don't be sayin it likes its a bad thang" "Z" snaps.

[CanadaLady]

This goes deeper than going grey. You need to sit down with him and ask him to explain what he wants from you, because his behavior is confusing the f uck out of you.

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Deep fried twinkies, bacon and hotdogs.

I did ask him, he wants me to white lie if I feel he won't like my answer. Should I just do that? It feels like such a cop out...I believe he deserves the truth and furthermore, that I deserve to be allowed to tell the truth too. I mean what IF he lets himself go one day and I lose attraction? Shouldn't he know that? I plan on being with him for life, so I want to make sure my motor still runs for him, if you know what I"m sayin I would want him to be upfront with me too, and tell me if something I'm doing makes him flaccid (so to speak...sorry for being crass, there goes my blunt personality again)

[smackie9]

Well there are times when you have to make a sacrifice for your partner, even if you don't approve, if it makes him happy then do it. We have had a husband on here saying the same thing, he had no filter what so ever, because he felt it went against what he believed in. Lets just say he was attacked by a lot of women on here, calling him, unfair, insensitive, asshole, jerk, etc.

[smiling100]

I feel he's taking this whole thing way out of proportion and making it bigger than it needs to be, and he feels I have some major character flaw for being so honest about things he'd prefer for me to lie about.

Advice? Opinions?

Trust me from experience being to honest can easily backfire. I would not advise it.

He sounds very vein & has to come to accept he will go grey. You might have a few issues with him as he gets older if he cant.

Good luck