He was hitting on my friend...

[Garmila]

hi guys! Me and my boyfriend are together for 6 years , he was always attentive and dedicated to our relationship, never did anything suspicious nor I noticed that flirts or contact with some other girls the way objectionable , but a few days ago I found out something that was so shocking to me and do not know how to react. My best friend told me that one night when we were out together when I drove his car because he was too drunk,he and my best friend were in the back seat , he started to touch her leg and asked is she want to see with him after i go home , she refused , since then he has done nothing,we were out together too many nights after , she told me this after three years, he confirmed to me that it is true and told me that was the biggest mistake in his life,he tells me that he was too much drunk and did not know what he occurred at the time and after that avoids drinking which is true.He apologize too many times,and tells me that after that he had crisis and did not know how to tell me, he told my best friend that he’s so sorry.But now for me it is not the same i think i can’t belevue him anymore like i did.

[Wakeup]

He's not done it since, he's stopped drinking to excess because of it, he's apologized to you and to the girl and it happened three years ago. If you want to break up with him then do so but you certainly shouldn't feel you have to because of that little indiscretion three years ago wherein he's corrected his poor behaviour and has kept you happy for the past three years.

I suggest you get out of your own head and in particular, you tell you gf that your boyfriend has been nothing but good, kind and loving to you since that little incident so its in the past and you'd like to keep it there from here on out.

[smackie9]

Everyone has weak moments, especially with excessive drinking. He was up front with you, appologized and did everything to make up for it. My question is, why did it take your friend 3 years to tell you about it? What made them deside to come forward with this information? Is she angling that there is more that you should know?

[woody]

Good on him for coming clean eventually. Does it hurt though that you found out from her and not him? and I wonder, why did it take so long for her to tell you?
Yes, inebriation offers a little leeway but hey, he remembers feeling her leg so he must have had some control over things. Playing the 'drunk' card always seems a little lame but you claim he stopped drinking so much after that and has always been a good man all in all.
I think its great he didn't deny it once the truth came out but I myself would harbour some wounds over the length of time it took and again, the fact that he didn't tell, she did.
Makes me wonder just how good a friend this lady is to you. I'd be pissed right off, at both of them. Maybe even her more than him. She could have brushed it off, made it seem humorous even but now, due to the lengthy delay, it'd make anyone wonder if there was more to it and why now, of all times is she telling you.
Sounds almost like and angle.
Proceed with caution lady. But your man sounds alright. He didn't deny it. He felt bad about it. Sure, you've every right to be a little disappointed in him, but i.m.o, more so in her.

Have you asked her why it took her so long to tell you?

[Garmila]

Yes i was angry about that,she is my friend from childhood and we see eachother often, she says that was scared to tell me because she didn't know how will my boyfriend react exaple she tgouht that he will denay it and she didn't wanted to lose me like a friend because of him ,which for me is non sense ,and i am angry why he didn't tell me,i feel very stupid, we were many times together she was a little bit strange to him like she can't stand him but i didn't know why,now i know but...three years after

[vashti]

I don't think it was her responsibility to tell you. Other than that, I agree with wakeup. It's old news, not repeated, and if you believe he has learned from his mistake, I'd get over it.

[smackie9]

I think her explanation is fair. He has proven himself that he isn't like that, it was only this one time, your GF did right by avoiding him after that, and it was 3 years ago. You have nothing to worry about. This disappointment will pass. Just vent for awhile, get it out of your system, and then let it go.

[michelle23]

If it was a random person and a once off thing it would be easier to forget because nothing actually happened but I wouldnt be able to deal with my friends knowing and thinking hes a cheat.. thats degrading and humiliating

[Wakeup]

There's that ego of your's rearing itself, Michelle. lol.

[michelle23]

Well he has lied to her face for 3 years and her friends have likely talked about this behind her back. Call it ego-but I call it pride and self respect

[Starnique]

I don't think it was her responsibility to tell you. Other than that, I agree with wakeup. It's old news, not repeated, and if you believe he has learned from his mistake, I'd get over it.

Her friend does have a responsibility to tell her. If my bf hit on my friends, i'd expect them to tell me and vice versa i'd tell them. Why would a friend not tell this? It's boty their responsibilities.

[Wakeup]

Well he has lied to her face for 3 years and her friends have likely talked about this behind her back. Call it ego-but I call it pride and self respect

Thanks, yes, I'll stick to it being your ego.

- - - Updated - - -

Besides, her friend has said she didn't tell the op because she was afraid of losing her friendship. Hardly someone who would tell their other friends (and laugh about it) and risk the friendship/

[woody]

Dear O.P

You'll all be alright. Maybe, (though you may think it silly) but perhaps what may help is a group dinner or informal gathering of sorts so you three can put it all out there and bring some light and humour to the equation. I imagine it would be awkward at first but gain momentum soon enough and before you know it, the three of you will be laughing at how silly it was to allow this to get so blown out of proportion.

Love and forgiveness.